One of the things particularly difficult in a pandemic is dating. Kind of hard to meet someone and go on dates when everyone is stuck inside.
So if you’re lucky enough to find someone amazing, it’s probably for the best you don’t go and mess it up, right?
A Reddit user explained his dating issue to the “Am I the A**hole” subReddit.
Redditor SmileThrowaway77 asks:
“AITA for asking my girlfriend to stop smiling so widely for photos?”
The original poster’s (OP) story goes:
“I (43m[ale]) met a woman (34f[emale]) online several months ago. We began talking and we really hit it off.”
“She’s a really pretty woman, but she does have a slight flaw to her physical appearance; she has a bad case of TMJ which makes it so that when she gives a big smile one side of her mouth curls up into a huge grin while the other side basically stays still.”
“Every selfie we’ve taken together has her looking like this.”
“While I absolutely accept that this is just a condition she has, I wish she would do what she can to make it less noticeable.”
“We’ve recently started talking about becoming engaged. Both of our sets of parents are ecstatic since they both apparently thought that grandkids weren’t happening from either of us.”
“But when the subject of engagement photos came up I told her that she should not smile quite so broadly so as to let her true, natural beauty shine through. She got really, really angry at this and said that the curled up lip on one side *is* her natural beauty, since it’s her.”
“She said that she isn’t even sure if marrying me is a good idea.”
“I’m the youngest of four kids in my family and the only boy. My father (71) when he heard about this told me that ‘it was no wonder that none of my relationships have worked out through all these years’ and that I need to apologize to her and beg her forgiveness.”
“My mother (67) said that I should have been nicer but that she understands.”
“I know all of this sounds bad but I just really want her to be at her best.”
“That’s not for my sake, but for hers.”
Judgement on the AITA board comes from one of a few abbreviations.
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
And in this situation, people agreed, OP is the one wrong here.
“YTA – ‘I know all of this sounds bad but I just really want her to be at her best. That’s not for my sake, but for hers’.
“Liar. Your gf isn’t uncomfortable with her smile. It actually sounds like she likes it. You are the one who is EMBARRASSED.”
“What would be best for her sake is if she didn’t marry you because you put perfect photos ahead of her happiness.” – MrsBarneyFife
“YTA-your having an issue with how she is smiling? and from a medical condition no less” – YOSHlBOSHl
“YTA and most likely will be single again real soon.” – Acceptable_Letter331
“YTA- you should never, ever do that! Apologise right now. Her smile is her natural beauty and if you’re offended by the pictures, she deserves better.”
“You’re 43 years old and you should know better.” – Affectionate_Liar07
“YTA. I would be surprised if she still married you.”
“Your father is 100 percent correct in his assessment. You’re 43 dude…”
“You really don’t know why this was an a**hole thing to say to her?”
“You don’t deserve to have a relationship with this wonderful woman. I hope she leaves you.” ~ bonniebluest
“Can you imagine the bride on her wedding day?”
“Even if he apologized and she says she’s not changing her smile for him… it’s still gonna be in the back of her mind. On what’s supposed to be a supremely happy day, she should be beaming, but every time she looks at her groom she wonders if she should stop smiling because he doesn’t like it. Heartbreaking.” ~ CatastropheWife
Redditors were surprised OP ever thought he was NTA in this situation.
“The dad was the best part about this story, it suddenly dawned on him why his son didn’t have much success with relationships before.”
“I for one am also curious if OP did something to offend others in the past.” – latotokyo123
“Dude, come on. If you’re going to be like this, at least drop the BS about wanting her to be at her ‘best’ and show her ‘natural beauty’.”
“What you actually want is for her to fit your idea of what beauty should be, and her smile doesn’t meet your standards.”
“At least be honest about that – you might as well at this point, since you’ve put all of your other cards on the table. None of this is for her sake, it’s about your vanity.”
“YTA, obviously, and I hope she finds someone who loves her and her smile just the way it is.” – hannahsflora
“Of course YTA and I really hope she doesn’t marry you.”
“I thought men telling women to smile was bad, but today I learned that apparently at least someone tells the person they supposedly love not to smile the way they do because of aesthetics and boy that’s even worse!”
“It would be one thing if OP were 17 or something but 43….” – shewhocouldntbenamed
If OP is lucky, he can salvage this relationship and learn and grow as a person to do better in the future. But the internet seems to think the girlfriend should get out now.
There are things we shouldn’t expect to change about a person, but their judgement of someone else might be able to improve. It just needs the right wake up call.