Infidelity is often the end of a relationship, but not always.
For those who do make the decision to stay, a high percentage eventually call it quits, citing repeated cheating, an overall lack of trust, or irrevocably altered relationship dynamics.
A woman who stayed with her cheating husband turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback after she considered ending her marriage.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Ok-Efficiency631 asked:
"AITAH if I leave my husband?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"Am I the a**hole for wanting to leave my husband?"
"Background: husband has a previous relationship and two children. I also had two children from my previous marriage before we met."
"We've been together 3 years, married for 2. Husband cheated on me with his ex one year into the relationship, but we moved on and stayed together."
"Now here comes the issue."
"He wants me to treat his children like my own, but doesn't allow me to discipline them. Anything I say he says their mother is handling it."
"He defends her whenever I have anything to say. So I stay out of it."
"Then he gets mad when I treat them like visitors in our home, when he made it that way."
"Now here comes my issue."
"He claims they only text about the girls and only throughout the day. He has been texting her more and more lately, sometimes up until midnight."
"I've mentioned it once and he said it was only about the kids and I was overreacting. Today he did it again, but I can't say anything because it rubs him the wrong way."
"He doesn't let me see his phone, but wants full access to mine. I have to share my location. I have to give him a play-by-play of my entire day, but he doesn't tell me anything about his, according to him, 'he's the man and doesn't have to'."
"I don't know. Lately, it feels like I can't mention anything. I can't speak my mind or give my opinion because then I'm not respecting him."
"So now I don't talk, I don't laugh, I don't joke. I'm not myself. We have a daughter together and a business."
"AITAH IF I WALK AWAY?"
The OP later added:
"He makes me feel like I'm going crazy sometimes, and it's hard. To everyone else, he's the greatest guy ever, offers to help, and goes out of his way for everyone."
"I'm constantly being told how lucky I am."
"But when we're alone, he's always finding the one thing I forgot to do or did wrong, or I made eye contact with a man for a second too long. I don't work out enough (mind you I'm 5'9" and 135 lbs, I'm slim), I don't do my hair the way he likes (my hair is always done in curls or styled because I work in corporate."
"I don't know. I just feel like he doesn't love me for me anymore. I look at him and don't recognize the man in front of me."
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP had ample grounds for divorce (NTA).
"You need to watch the documentary 'Inside The Manosphere' by Louis Theroux (everyone who isn't IN the manosphere should)."
"There's very specific rhetoric and catchphrases all these 'alpha male' influencers use and your husband is parroting it."
"In addition to keeping their women in line, a core tenet amongst all of these guys is that men can and should cheat. If your husband has latched onto this subculture, he's definitely cheating and thinks there's nothing wrong with it."
"Learn the warning signs folks, then contribute to the 'male loneliness epidemic' by dumping these losers as friends and lovers." ~ MohawMais
"You wrote: '...according to him "he's the man and doesn't have to".'"
"Well, that's enough of a reason to leave him, right there." ~ Echo-Azure
"I'd have already been gone after hearing that."
"NTA. He doesn't respect you even if nothing is going on with his ex." ~ RawrBez
"I mean, I would have been gone after he cheated the first time!"
"Had OP not stayed then, she might not have a child and a business with this guy." ~ turBo246
"He's emotionally abusing you and clearly f*cking his ex while you are supposed to stay at home and say nothing just be the good little wife you are."
"Get all important documents and money together and slowly and silently start packing up your stuff."
"DON'T WALK AWAY, RUN LIKE F*CKING GUMP!" ~ Pebble-hunter
"As a man, I agree this is correct. It is enough of a reason to walk away. What a twit!" ~ AutoXCivic
"He's still banging the ex. The ex just doesn't want to deal with his alpha male control issues, so she sends him home to you, but they bang when it is convenient for her." ~ handsheal
"He is shutting you down.. disregarding your feelings.. and not giving you a safe space for your femininity (to use his new vernacular)."
"Leave this man... he's already cheated once, he's proven he's not safe or reliable." ~ VictoryDecent
"He's more than likely cheating again—that's why he won't show you his phone. He has double standards and is mentally abusing you."
"He's not worth staying for, brings nothing to the relationship. Leave now and don't look back. NTAH your husband is a huge A**HOLE!" ~ OkieLady-1952
"NTA and work on an exit strategy. He doesn't want a wife; he wants a maid and nanny with benefits." ~ PurpleEmotional1401
"NTA. Honestly, it's past time to leave. None of this is acceptable."
"Please leave and enjoy living again. It's time to laugh and dance whenever you want." ~ EgweneS
"NTA! Contact a very good lawyer asap, he will ruin you, he doesn't love or respect you, he wants to control you. There are no healthy boundaries at all. I'm speaking from experience, so please contact a lawyer. There's a big possibility he has never stopped cheating on you." ~ Low_Speed_4488
"This is emotional abuse. Get your papers and your children's papers together. Save some money. Slowly move your important stuff out of your home to somewhere safe. Call the domestic abuse hotline for more information. Leave while he's at work." ~ Emergency_Pipe_7010
"Yeah, and document everything you can in the meantime. Screenshots, notes with dates, anything that shows the pattern. Having that record can be crucial." ~ Proper_Area6443
"The pattern matters more than any single issue. He cheated before, still has unclear boundaries with his ex, limits your role with his kids, and shuts down your voice when you raise concerns."
"That combination creates an environment where you carry responsibility, but have no authority or security. That is not a balanced partnership." ~ Brilliant-Curve5702
"NTA, he is the one who cheated, but you are the one who has to be fully transparent with phone checks, location sharing, and recitation of your day's events? Oh hell no."
"That in and of itself is end-worthy, but his also putting you in a position to parent children you hold no authority over, and his misogyny are too. This man is trash. Leave him." ~ Ill_Reading_5290
"Not dumping him when he cheated on you with his ex was the first mistake you made. He either nevef stopped or has started again."
"He wants you to care for his children, but not discipline them. He wants you to share your phone, but won't reciprocate. He's ground you down until you are a shell of your former self. That is what abusive partners do."
"Walk away. NTA." ~ DaniCapsFan
"You do not 'have to' give him full access to your phone, share your location, recount your day. You are an adult with your own agency."
"Make plans to leave, make them secretly, get another mobile and don't tell him about it, open a bank account in your own name, secure your passport and credit cards; then leave while he is visiting his ex."
"Then file for divorce; then block him. This excuse for a man is abusing you. Get away from him ASAP." ~ grruser
"NTA. Turn off your location services and pass lock your phone. He deserves nothing just because 'he's the man'."
"What complete bullsh*t he is spewing. Hopefully, your business is not your only source of income. First chance you have, you need to go through his phone and have yours ready to take pics of what you find." ~ TSharer525
"Time for a divorce..I did not need to make it past 'he cheated on me'."
"He is still cheating. Late night texts... phone secrecy... hyper vigilant about you."
"There is a zero chance I'm letting a cheater look at my phone when his is still private. He is projecting because he is a cheater." ~ QuickSquirrelchaser
"NTA for wanting to leave. But after this, stay out of relationships for a while. You married this guy and dragged your kids into the mix after only a year of knowing him."
"I'm assuming the first husband wasn't a winner either. Don't bring your kids into another dysfunctional relationship since it's obvious your man picker is broken."
"Get therapy and focus on your kids instead of your love life for a while." ~ ItJustWontDo242
Hopefully OP got the boost she needed to launch this man out of her life.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.