Most of us know someone who has a list of stories they love to tell, which can be entertaining for new audiences, but tedious for anyone who's heard each of their stories multiple times.
It can be boring in a party setting, but completely exhausting at home when the storyteller is addressing an audience of one who's heard it all before.
A pregnant wife turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after hitting the end of her rope with her husband's stories.
Maleficent-Demand911 asked:
"AITA For telling my husband I’m tired of hearing the same stories over and over again?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"My husband and I have been together for 4 years. He’s 29. I’m 26. I love him more than anything. I’m 8 months pregnant and so physically tapped out and exhausted."
"My husband is very social. He has a huge social group and I love his outgoing nature. But I admit, I have a short fuse recently. Especially when it comes to listening to his stories."
"It happens daily. It depends for how long or how many times. Yes, I know when you’re with somebody you love, they sometimes repeat stories. But what happens if that’s what 80% of the conversation becomes? It becomes a monologue of him reciting a story detail for detail and I have to act like I haven’t heard it."
"Even if I say 'oh haha I remember that' or if I try to change up the subject real quick … 20 seconds about that… then I hear 'anyways…' and then he’s back to his stories. They’re all from anything like middle school, to 2020 era. About him and his buddies. Or people he hasn’t seen or spoken to in years."
"It’s just him talking at me. I will tell him something I’m feeling, and he will be like 'that reminds me of when I broke my wrist when I was 16 and my friend Bryce did this…'. I get he wants to relate, but it’s more than that sometimes."
"Like me bringing up going to the gym, and he will tell me again how him and his friends used to act/talk to each other when they lifted weights a little."
"The other day, we went out for lunch. He had a few beers. I was having really bad hip pain and I was visibly exhausted. Sometimes when he drinks he gets a little talkative, and before I knew it, the whole 1-2 hours of us being out turned into him talking about his college days."
"Stories I’ve already heard of. Multiple times."
"He said 'so me and Dylan knew this kid who we hung out with like once or twice… I remember at one party he said something to me…' and goes so off track, then talks about fake ID’s etc..."
"He looked at me and said 'looks like you’re not enjoying talking to me'. I told him I’m exhausted and I don’t have the capacity to listen to his stories anymore. He seemed offended. It’s just really starting to wear on me mentally."
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
"I offended my husband because I was tired of hearing the same stories over and over."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors couldn't decide if the OP was the a**hole, ruling OP was not the a**hole (NTA)...
"He said, 'It sounds like you're not enjoying talking to me.' You should tell him, 'You're the one doing all the talking.' NTA." ~ Weird-Roll6265
"Seriously! That’s not conversation, that’s him monologuing at her. They’ve only been together 4 years but I’m surprised she hasn’t told him to stuff it yet."
"He's talking AT her, not TO her, let alone WITH her. NTA." ~ sqeeky_wheelz
"If all serious solutions fail, make a bingo card game out of his stories! Maybe he'll stop if you start shouting 'BINGO!' every time he prattles on. NTA." ~ Apprehensive-Bar7378
"NTA: First, try the normal human 'I love my husband' option: talk to him, explain how you feel, maybe just share this post... You know, communicate. Responsibly. Boringly. Possibly productively, depending on him.
"Second, try the 'I'm done' option: Finish his stories for him. Repeatedly." ~ LienaSha
...everyone sucked (ESH)...
"I'm gonna be crazy and go with a ESH. You clearly don't like your husband. You haven't actually done anything to fix or communicate about the issue, you just waited for it to bubble up and then were mean. Isn't he your husband? Don't you love him? Then communicate for f*cks sake." ~ RamsLams
"ESH here. Does anything happen in his day to day life? Do you ask about his day to day life? Have you asked why repeating these stories feels so important to him? Is there a point he’s trying to drive that he seems to think you’re missing?"
"This feels right about the period where my husband and I started repeating stories and I noticed he was getting irked, so I realized 'hey this man KNOWS me' and I found comfort in that. That’s when my 'current affairs' and life drama I started sharing got interesting for him."
"And oddly he’s one that just listens because he loves the hot goss. He’ll sit and 'drink the tea' with me because we secretly judge the train wreck decisions some of our friends make on repeat." ~ Key_Condition_2878
"ESH. You’re pregnant and tired, so don’t listen to his stories? Go take a nap while you can. Fill your cup up till it’s overflowing and don’t make yourself available for the stories."
"Is there a heart message hidden in those stories somewhere? Maybe he’s feeling something regarding becoming a dad?"
"It’s fine to not be available for everything, especially right now, but it’s not ok to be disrespectful to your significant other. Least not if you want a happy relationship. That’s why he’s upset. But he's also being annoying AF." ~ Mad_Madam_Kim
"I don't understand, why haven't you said any of this to him‽‽ When he said, 'looks like you’re not enjoying talking to me' it was the perfect opener to you saying, 'you've literally told me this story at least 5 times, and this isn't a conversation you're talking at me'."
"Even if he doesn't have something like dementia, ADHD, or autism, this is still only half on him. You are just sitting there pretending what he's doing is OK. Why? It's not OK. You not asserting yourself is also not OK. ESH." ~ Aussie_Advice
...and that there were no a**holes here.
"NAH. It's exhausting hearing the same stories over and over, but some people don't realize they're doing it. I find it effective to say, 'Oh, yeah, this is the story about the time you and...' then tell the rest of their story to them in a quick synopsis."
"It derails their story effectively, so you don't have to hear it again. With enough exposure, they start asking, 'did I tell you about the time...' and not bothering to even start the story once you say yes, because they know you're going to tell it for them."
"Then it's easier to redirect because their mind isn't focused on finishing their story as soon as you stop talking. Use the opportunity to tell them what you'd rather talk about." ~ MohawMais
"NAH. I think you guys have different approaches to intimacy. My initial thought is to do something exciting so that you guys have something new to talk about?"
"This however just fixes the superficial and not why you are not currently connecting intimately. Unless of course something like white water rafting brings you closer?" ~ Redbud12
"NAH. My husband is the same. I am more the quiet type and he loves to talk which can sometimes be repetitive stories or topics I don't particularly care about. It makes him really happy so I like listening to him."
"There are times when it's going out the other ear or I don't want to listen to which point I just let him know that I don't have the capacity right now which he respects and understands and ends it 'Okay, love you'. Sometimes I give more info like there's something on my mind right now so I can't pay as much attention or I just want silence at the moment."
"He also interrupts me when I want to tell him a story at a certain point, I let him finish, and I told him that I wanted to tell a story, but he interrupted. He apologised and that's when he knows to swap his talking hat to his listening hat. Yes he has to be prompted sometimes but that's okay—he can't read my mind."
"I've highlighted it over the years that I love hearing him talk because I'm more of the listening kind- it's part of why we've been together for 5 years."
"Please don't listen to the aggressive replies you can bring him that Reddit is suggesting to you- keep building your relationship so that he can understand that you not having capacity does not equate to loving him less/permanently wanting him to talk less." ~ Jammms
OP deleted their post without providing an update, so it's unknown what they decided to do. They certainly had plenty of options to choose from.
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