When putting together a guest list for a wedding, people have to make brutal choices.
Not everyone is going to make the cut.
But sometimes those cuts feel necessary because maybe not everybody deserves an invite.
Once word gets out, though, high drama can ensue.
Case in point…
Redditor Certain-Swimming-234 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for telling everyone why my cousin isn’t invited to my wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (32 M[ale]) am marrying the love of my life Yael (31 F[emale]) next spring.”
“We live on the west coast.”
“However, we’re having the wedding in Florida because that is where Yael’s grandparents and great-grandmother live.”
“It’s important for us if they were there because they mostly raised her.”
“I have a larger family, and I’m not close to most of them because they’re the worst.”
“One of my cousins (22 N[on]-B[inary]) is pissed about this for obvious reasons.”
“I get that the situation there is shi**y.”
“As I didn’t invite them, they don’t have to go if they don’t want to.”
“The cousin decides to try and put me on blast for the wedding location.”
“I end up posting a rebuttal: I didn’t invite my cousin because of something they did four years ago.”
“Which was making a prank video where they trick my Jewish girlfriend (Yael) into eating pork.”
“I still have the video saved as evidence of why my side of the family sucks.”
“I don’t want someone who pulled a stunt like that anywhere near my very Jewish in-laws.”
“One of whom is a Holocaust survivor.”
“So I posted that, and now everyone my cousin knew is turning against them.”
“My cousin called me freaking out because their boss saw it, and now they got ‘let go.'”
“I replied that it sucks to suck and hung up.”
“I think I’m doing it right by protecting the people I call my family.”
“But some of our friends said I went overkill on the video since it cost someone their livelihood.”
The OP was left to wonder,
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
NTA – Not The A**hole
YTA – You’re The A**hole
NAH – No A**holes Here
ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. While I understand your cousin’s issue about Florida, they proved they aren’t above acting like Florida.”
“Discrimination isn’t cool no matter who it is.”
“Your cousin clearly needs to learn this the hard way, as they have zero boundaries for other people.” ~ Main_Maximum8963
“The cousin’s a damn crybully.”
“‘Yeah I committed (what appears to be a hate crime/assault), but how dare you not want anything to do with it and have the audacity to tell people about what I did!?!!'” ~ NotAQueefAKhaleesi
“I can’t remember where I learned it, but it’s perfect.”
“My older sister is the absolute worst. Once followed me through the store calling me ugly and hairy but literally ran to our mother sobbing when I snapped and said, “Shut the f**k up zitty zitty bang bang.'”
“I hate bullies/abusers of any type, but the ones who try to play victim trigger hellfire levels of rage in me.” ~ NotAQueefAKhaleesi
“NTA. Your cousin brought it down on themself.”
“They didn’t need to blast you publicly, and you don’t need to protect them from their own misdeeds.”
“The pork prank is deeply offensive.” ~ raptone50
“As for being let go by work.”
“THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T FRIEND YOUR BOSS OR COMPANY OF EMPLOYMENT ON SOCIAL MEDIA!”
“OP would be TA if they tagged the cousin’s employer in their rebuttal, but it sounds like that wasn’t the case here, so definitely NTA for setting the record straight AFTER cousin took to social media to put OP on blast in the first place.”
“And NTA for any consequences the cousin has to face because of THEIR CHOICE TO TAKE THE FIGHT TO SOCIAL MEDIA IN THE FIRST PLACE!” ~ Environmental_Art591
“You aren’t having the wedding in Florida to spite your cousin.”
“You are not inviting them because they are non-binary.”
“You aren’t inviting them because they purposefully engaged in having your fiancée break one of her religious taboos without her consent.”
“That amounts to a hate crime at worst and assault at best in my mind. NTA.” ~ Ellejaek
“I got married out-of-state, primarily because I wanted to make sure my grandmother (who is really too old to travel) could attend.”
“So, I get this.”
“I would even do this if it meant having my wedding in a red garbage state (which I would never otherwise do).”
“Thankfully, it was NY, and also pre-Political Trump.”
“ETA- it amazes me how much/often wedding guests make other people’s weddings about them!!” ~ chivil61
OP responded…
“I never thought I would marry out of state until I met Yael.”
“Her great-grandmother is in her 90s, and we don’t think it’s safe for her to get on a plane now.”
“The last international trip she did was almost ten years ago, and the last out-of-state trip was two years ago.”
“I would marry my wife anywhere as long as her great-grandma was there.”
“That woman is the most incredible, strongest, coolest old lady I know.”
Reddit continued…
“As a Jewish person, this is horrifying to me.”
“I can’t imagine feeling so violated and then having everyone see me being so violated.”
“Honestly, I can’t believe Yael didn’t press charges.”
“Honestly, if she doesn’t eat pork, she could have become gravely sick.”
“Like hospitalized sick because her body couldn’t process the pork.” ~ Choice_Werewolf1259
“It’s considered assault and a racially motivated hate crime.”
“I (as a Jewish person who doesn’t eat pork or shellfish) would have pressed charges.”
“It’s not a prank – it’s a targeted assault.” ~ Bubbly_Flounder1665
“NTA: there’s a Seinfeld plot similar to this, where George tricks Jerry’s more religiously Jewish G[irl]F[riend] into eating lobster.”
“Often considered one of the more evil things he did, and he did some terrible things.” ~ BaltimoreBadger23
“So, just making sure I’ve got everything…”
“Random cousin you are not close to at all.”
“Who used your girlfriend to make a prank video.”
“The premise of the prank was not only cruel but antisemitic.”
“So cousin was never going to be invited to the wedding.”
“Finds out the wedding is in Florida, and accuses you of holding it there for the sole purpose of discriminating against them (because clearly, you are holding an entire wedding on the other side of the country just to exclude them).”
“Not just accuses, mind you, but blasts you across social media and calls you a homophobe.”
“You came with receipts of the real reason to hold the wedding in Florida, the bride’s Jewish family who live there, and the cousin‘s previous bigoted behavior.”
“Now opinion has turned against cousin, including losing their job, because now everyone knows about their entitlement and bigotry.”
“They made and shared the video – it could have come out at any time, regardless of you.”
“Ignore them, have a great time at your wedding.” ~ Fortressa-
“NTA – there can’t be receipts or evidence if you don’t act like an idiot.”
“There is no deadline for FAAFO, and your cousin is only mad they had to pay the piper.
“Anywayyyysss, congrats on your upcoming nuptials.”
“Have a slice of cake for dear old cuzzo.” ~ CuriousTsukihime
“NTA. They made a video of their crime for yucks.”
“You’re sharing it, and people aren’t laughing.”
“Sucks to be that cousin.”
“Tell cousin maybe they should visit Florida to find other people to laugh about it.” ~ extinct_diplodocus
“NTA. Your family is not entitled to a relationship with you just because they’re related.”
“Your cousin crossed a massive boundary and showed you their lack of respect for you.”
“They cannot expect to maintain access to your personal lives.”
“If they didn’t want the truth to come out, they should not have called you out and belittled you publicly on social media.”
“They chose the arena, and it backfired.”
“Your allegiance is to your soon-to-be wife.”
“Don’t waste any time on fools when you could be spending it with her.”
“Congrats on the wedding, and wishing you two all the best.” ~ trrosa
“NTA. Lol. LMAO even.”
“As someone in the LGBTQ+ community, I cannot fathom people who belong to this persecuted group, harp on about our persecution, and then do purposeful harm to other historically oppressed minorities.”
“Actually, I can.”
“It’s probably the blatant narcissism.”
“Enjoy your wedding.” ~ REDDIT
“That is so nasty of the cousin.”
“NTA, and hopefully never speak to it again.”
“Food taboos are not to be messed with.”
“Whether they religious, dietary, health, allergies or preference.”
“And wow, a Holocaust survivor.”
“How wonderful to have them there.” ~ PsychologicalBit5422
“NTA. There’s a simple way not to get fired for anti-Semitic behavior.”
“Don’t do s**t that’s obviously anti-Semitic.”
“They made their bed, and they can lie in it.”
“It’s amazing that you’re thinking about protecting who is more deserving.”
“I hope you have a lovely and beautiful wedding and life with your chosen family.” ~ That-Ad4028
“Funny. They’re complaining about Floridians being intolerant, and yet they themselves are equally if not more intolerant.”
“Freaking AH. NTA.”
“I wouldn’t invite them either.” ~ Select-Promotion-404
“NTA at all.”
“Let’s see the facts…”
“Your NB cousin is who had already offensively treated your future wife.”
“LIES in a post on social media calling you a homophobe for forcing her to go to Florida for a wedding to which she is not invited to because of her previously deeply offensive anti-Semitic actions.”
“You then clarify the issue, explaining that she is not invited in why.”
“Hmmmm, cousin then experiences repercussions for both the anti-Semitism and the lie trying to make you look bad.”
“Sounds like a good outcome to me.” ~ Misha220
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
First of all, it’s your wedding, your rules.
Second, you want to have people around you that make you feel safe.
Like a person who doesn’t pull cruel pranks.
Congratulations to you and your bride!