One would think in this progressive day and age, friendships between two people of the opposite gender would no longer be such a controversial idea.
Specifically, no one would immediately jump to the rather childish conclusion that men and women can’t be platonic friends and must have some sort of sexual attraction between them.
Sadly, many people still cannot get past this horrifically antiquated notion.
Significant others often being the most suspicious and untrusting.
Redditor ParticularAnxious208 had a lasting friendship with a male friend she had known since childhood.
Unfortunately, this male friend’s girlfriend refused to believe they were “only friends” and grew less and less friendly towards the original poster (OP).
After being given a less-than-congenial warning about attending her friend’s birthday party, the OP decided it was probably best to skip it.
Wondering if she had made the wrong decision, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for skipping my friends birthday without warning because his gf calls me ‘THE typical gbf’?”
The OP explained why she decided it was probably best to skip her friend’s birthday:
“Miles and I have known each other since we were two because our parents are best friends.”
“Now, I would not say Miles is my best friend.”
“He is a good friend and we do hang out on occasion but see each other on all major holidays because of our parents.”
“We are in our early 20s.”
“The problem started because of a dumb childhood memory.”
“When we were 8, we had a wedding play on school aftercare.”
“I played the bride and miles the groom.”
“It was a play.”
“With horrible songs and uncoordinated kids.”
“Obs our parents made pictures and videos of that.”
“And we each have one picture on our family picture walls.”
“Miles is dating Lindy.”
“They met 3 years ago and started dating last year.”
“Lindy does not like me.”
“So every time we coincide at a celebration, she makes a comment about me being the typical girl best friend.”
“She one time said that I secretly wanted to sleep with Miles.”
“I have no clue where she got that impression from.”
“Miles and I have different friend groups and schedules.”
“Besides the monthly catch-up over food, we didn’t really meet that much.”
“Things got worse when Lindy saw the wedding play picture.”
“The comments just got more.”
“She even started DMing me on Instagram saying ‘she knew what game I was playing’.”
“I talked to Miles once about this, and he told me to give her time.”
“So his birthday was on Saturday and I was invited.”
“Lindy wrote me saying something along the lines that she was going to supervise me.”
“This was their first birthday as a couple, and I was not allowed to take up his time.”
“I was honestly just fed up.”
“I tried talking to Miles once more, but he said the same thing.”
“So I just skipped out.”
“When the party started, I wrote a quick sorry I can’t come and told him my mother was going to bring his present.”
“Now he is upset with me for missing his birthday. Lindy is mad that I made it all about me, and my parents are upset I missed a ‘family function.'”
“I didn’t show anyone the messages because it didn’t want to make more out of this than it is.”
“I didn’t want to poison anyone against Lindy, especially not if she is a new fixture in Miles’s life.”
“That would make both our lives more difficult.”
“I hoped that just talking about it might be the more adult thing.”
“My parents are not mad at me or blowing up my phone.”
“Ala Reddit fashion.”
“They and Miles’s parents were just bummed out that this was the first birthday that I ever missed.”
“As to why she is jealous.”
“I have no idea.”
“Neither of our parents ever wanted us to get together.”
“There were no jokes or anything about it.”
“I think they also never would want that.”
“The wedding play picture is in the living rooms because they loved the picture, and it was our first play.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for skipping Miles’ birthday.
Everyone agreed that Lindy’s obsessive behavior was more than enough reason to skip the party, even if most felt that it would be in the OP’s best interest to tell Miles and her family the truth as to why she skipped the party, including showing them Lindy’s threatening messages.
“NTA.”
“But don’t keep it to yourself.”
“First, your parents are angry, it’s unfair!”
“Tell them what happened and that you didn’t want the GF to ruin the birthday if you came.”
“Second, tell Miles.”
“YTell him the same. You didn’t ruin the birthday, as his GF told you she would supervise you, and you didn’t want her to ruin the birthday if she considered you weren’t’ at your place’.”
“That you asked him to do something but as she cntinued to warn you, you preferred avoid coming.”
“But now your parents are mad at you, and you missed an important date, so YOU are the one punished in that situation.”
“Hope he’ll understand.”
“Not only what happened to you, but his GF is mad, and her jealousy is really too much.”- Lyzab77
“You’ve known Miles for 20+ years, and his family is close with your family.”
“Your not being at his party was noticed, and you’re taking all the blame for Lindy’s actions and insecurities.”
“Screenshot her message(s) to you and send them to your parents and put it on record your not attending was at Lindy’s jealous behest.”
“NTA.”
“But seriously – if the parents expect your involvement, they need to know the truth of why you weren’t there.”- Beck2010
“NTA.”
“He can’t have his cake and eat it, as in, he can’t refuse to do something about the problem then get mad at you for doing something about the problem.”
“I understand why you didn’t want to go and I’d probably do the same, his girlfriend doesn’t seem worth the mental energy, and she’s clearly got insecurities that you shouldn’t have to deal with.”-Rowanx3
“NTA.”
“Miles’ GF is insanely insecure and jealous of you; you’ve tried talking to Miles about it, and he won’t do anything about it.”
“You’re basically getting threatening messages from her at this point; of course, you don’t want to be around her!”
“Your parents should understand that their relationship with Miles’ parents is just that – THEIR relationship.”
“It’s not a family function, whatever they wish it to be.”
“The onus shouldn’t fall on you to maintain a friendship with Miles of it isn’t working for you under the current circumstances.”
“I do hope you two can work things out since you’ve been friends for so long, but you don’t HAVE to if it doesn’t work for you.”
“And you don’t need to feel guilty about it.”
“OP refers to Miles as a friend throughout and uses quotes when she writes ‘family function’ at the end of her post and said they see each other on holidays etc ‘because of their parents’.”
“This leads me to think that OP does not consider Miles family, nor his birthday a family function herself.”
“She also talks about how the parents consider this a family unit.”
“She never said that she considered them a family unit.”
“That is the reason for my last paragraph.”
“Context matters.”
“I am not suggesting that family has to related by blood, I love my family of choice.”- kiwihoney
“You’re NTA.”
“No, she did that with her helicopter girlfriend attitude and threats to ‘supervise’ you.”
“He should have dealt with her rabid insecurities and rude behavior when you warned him about what she was doing.”- Dittoheadforever
“Just show him the texts, ‘See this is why I didn’t come’.”
“Believe me, people like that never change.”
“He might be able to get her to shut up for the most part, but she’ll never not be that jealous petty person and you’ll have to deal with snarky remarks until the end of time or they break up, I have a best friend just like her.”
“Wouldn’t date her in a million years, though.”- Awkward_Concern_9329
“NTA.”
“Standing up for your own mental well-being is crucial, and you’ve done just that.”
“It might feel rough right now, but setting boundaries in response to Lindy’s behavior was the right move.”
“No one should be coerced into a hostile environment, especially when the supposed ‘supervision’ comes off as possessive and overbearing.”
“Your absence isn’t the root of the drama—it’s the symptom of a larger issue between Miles and Lindy that they need to handle.”
“It’s unfortunate that it collided with a significant event, but sometimes avoiding a scene is the best gift you can give a friend, even if they don’t realize it at the time.”
“You might want to consider a heart-to-heart with Miles, laying out your discomfort without assigning blame, hoping that as a longtime friend, he’ll eventually see the effect Lindy’s actions are having on his relationships.”- Jeri_Montesino
It’s sad to think that Lindy could feel so threatened by someone Miles has known his entire life.
Noble as it is, the OP doesn’t want to cause more drama. Miles and her family should know about Lindy’s unkind messages.
Even if she does vanish completely from Miles’s life, Lindy’s behavior likely won’t change around any other female friends and guests in Miles’ company.