From renting a venue to feeding guests, weddings can certainly add up.
Most couples have a plan for funding the wedding of their dreams, but sometimes all the efforts don’t quite meet the bottom line.
In most cases, spouses-to-be have to find places to make cuts.
In other cases, though, the future bride and groom seek the remaining funds elsewhere, but should they be upset if a potential lender – a family member – refuses to contribute to the cause?
A man on Reddit was uninvited to his brother’s wedding after refusing to loan $16,000 without a signed contract, so he turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor sgaisnsvdis asked:
“AITAH for refusing to chip in to my brother’s wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (26/M[ale]) brother (28/m[ale]) is getting married this fall.”
“He has always been my parents favorite without a doubt while I got the short end of the stick. (Not pouting but just stating the obvious).”
“My parents are using the last of their retirement savings to pay for this wedding before they sell the house and downsize to a much smaller place.”
“My brother wants a lot for his wedding roughly estimated it’s costing him about $80,000.”
“My brother is a lawyer practicing as a public defender making about $75K a year.”
“And has about $7000 total saved up (not a typo seven thousand of eighty thousand).”
“I know how to save money and have close to $150K saved up.”
“My family is all chipping in as much as they can and it’s all adding up to about $24,000.”
“The brides side of the family said they’re chipping in half the total cost for the wedding so $40,000.”
“They have $64,000 combined and are trying to find $16,000 when they turned to me.”
“I told them straight up I’m not giving them money but I can loan it to them.”
“No interest just pay me back $16,000 at the end of 3 years.”
“I tried to give them multiple opportunities to take it and let them know I would not just give them money.”
“My brother is considering uninviting me from the wedding and my parents have been blowing up my phone with messages and calls.”
“After a few weeks of stewing in it and realizing he wasn’t going to be able to find the money elsewhere and with his credit history a personal loan without a 10-12% interest rate is impossible he came back to me and asked for the loan.”
“We hugged it out and talked about it and about 3 hours later I printed up a little contract that says I would either be paid back in full at the end of 3 years from this date or that I could take monthly or yearly installments however he wants it to be paid.”
“When I busted out the contract he got upset saying I don’t have faith in him.”
“I don’t.”
“He’s defaulted on 2 car loans and his credit score is around the 470’s last time he checked.”
“He has $300K worth of student loan debt from undergrad and law school and I know he’s not smart with his money so I wanted it in writing.”
“That apparently was the final straw.”
“I am officially uninvited and have been asked not to contact him or my parents ever again.”
“The truth is I’ll say I’m sorry and admit when I’m wrong, but am I wrong asking for a contract for $16,000.”
“That’s a lot of money.”
“Im not saying I’m going to sue him the day after the loan window expires for the amount but I want some sort of receipt saying that he owes me back for this.”
“So am I the a**hole?”
Redditors weighed in on the situation, declaring OP is not the a**hole (NTA) for wanting a contract drawn up and signed to ensure he is paid back.
“Stand your ground unless you want to say goodbye to 16K.” – Secure_Ship_3407
“NTA – People who can’t afford a fancy wedding shouldn’t have a fancy wedding!”
“I will never understand why people want to spend so much money on ONE DAY when they could use that money to buy a house.”
“Some of the best weddings I’ve been to are the simple, heartfelt weddings!”
“You don’t owe your brother that money!”
“I guess you could give some of the money to them as a gift and the rest as a loan, but it sounds like you are smart to draw up a contract for it.”
“Otherwise, you will never see the money again!” – DJsspinontheworld
“It’s crazy that you’re still loaning him money even with the contract he’s literally defaulted on 2 loans before” – arlae
“I’m baffled that people are just handing this couple such large amounts of money for a wedding they can’t afford.”
“I know every couple has their dreams for their wedding day but if you have $80k taste and $7k saved, it’s time to rethink things.”
“I’d be ashamed to take my parent’s retirement money for something like this.”
“You’re NTA in my opinion.”
“He’s being ridiculous and lost his chance by balking at the contract.”
“As a lawyer he should know better.”
“It’s pretty common knowledge that people who intend to pay a debt won’t have an issue with an agreement to do just that.”
“He proved you right.”
“I’m sorry your family is putting money over you but maybe you’re better off in the long run.” – forgetregret1day
“NTA. Don’t threaten me with a good time!”
“The only people tasked with paying for the wedding are the two getting married.”
“I’m curious about the fiancee; hasn’t she figured out he’s bad with money, based on what you’ve stayed above?” – Clean_Factor9673
“Do NOT give him a dime, he’s the a**hole for even asking.”
“80k that is f**king narcissistic and insane.” – Full_Ad_347
“JFC, don’t. Lend. Him. A. Cent.”
“OP, do your brother a favour and be the first person in his life to call him out.”
“$300,000 in student debt?”
“Not one but two defaulted car loans?”
“He only makes $75,000 a year and wants his family to go into debt, forgo their own financial needs and dip into his parents’ retirement for some “dream” wedding?”
“OP, even if he never speaks to you again do him this last favour and tell him what a selfish wanker he is and to man up and own his own life.”
“NTA” – BetAlternative8397
Several believe OP’s brother had no intentions of paying him back, and that’s the true reason he didn’t want to sign a contract.
“I don’t understand this siblings being expected to pay for weddings. When did this happen?”
“Also, don’t give or loan him any money, even with a contract.”
“You’d just have to sue him eventually to get it back, and it will just cause even more drama and strife when the time comes.”
“Save yourselves the headaches and just say no now.” – kmflushing
“He’s a lawyer.”
“He knows exactly what legal accountability a written loan agreement entails.”
“His reaction tells you everything you need to know about his intentions to repay you.”
“NTA.” – superflex
“NTA. Don’t loan him the $, he won’t pay it back.”
“Be glad you’ll be disinvited.” – Fun-Yellow-6576
“NTA. An 80k wedding is unhinged if you don’t even have 10% to bring to the table.”
“He got pissed at the contract because he’s a lawyer.”
“He knew he’d be screwed if he signed that, because he had no intention of ever repaying it” – Do_over_24
“No one needs an $80,000 wedding.”
“Ridiculous that they are demanding to have such an expensive wedding that they cannot afford.”
“This is the family enabling him to continue to live beyond his means and make foolish financial decisions.”
“Your brother is an entitled a**hole who was trying to scam you out of 16k.”
“You did nothing wrong.”
“Having a contract was the smart decision.”
“Your brother clearly had no intention of paying you back.”
“Your brother is incredibly selfish, reckless and entitled.”
“He is a financial abuser that will continue to demand everyone pay for his extravagant wants.”
“NTA” – Neonpinx
“NTA. That’s insane.”
“First of all, who tf spends that on a wedding, especially if they haven’t saved it (or have patents who will pay)?”
“It’s a ridiculous amount of money.”
“And a lawyer refusing to sign a legally binding agreement to repay a loan?”
“Obviously he has no intention of paying you back.”
“He sounds like a spoiled, entitled AH.”
“I think you’re right … it would be a mistake to lend it to him.”
“If you do I doubt you’ll see a penny again.” – Flimsy-Car-7926
“NTA the reason he won’t sign it is because he doesn’t want to pay it back.”
“They need to cut back on some of the expenses.”
“With one less guest you are helping them out!” – dncrmom
“NTA if he plans to pay it back he would not care if you wanted it in writing.”
“He will not, and family will pressure you to let it go and or call you greedy for putting money over family even though he’s the one who will have lied and betrayed you.” – MennionSaysSo
According to his fellow Redditors, OP dodged a bullet – and a $16k loss – by demanding that his brother sign a contract for the money.
Perhaps it’s time for the happy couple to reconsider some wedding details.