Sometimes, parents want a break from their kids. But is everyone in their orbit responsible for providing that break?
Is everyone around them required to provide free childcare when a parent has other things they'd rather do than watch their own kid?
A child free sibling turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after getting pressure from their mother and sister to provide free babysitting on a family vacation.
Shoddy_Push1868 asked:
"AITA for wanting to enjoy Disney at my own pace instead of doing everything together as a family?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"During planning, it was suggested that each adult/family take turns 'on duty' at night, meaning leaving the parks early, to watch the kid. I said my wife and I are there to enjoy the parks ourselves, not follow a rotating schedule built around someone else’s child."
"My mom and sister feel strongly that this is supposed to be a 'tight family' trip and that all experiences should be shared together, parks, meals, evenings, all of it."
"I feel like everyone paid their own way and should be able to enjoy the trip the way they want, without being obligated to move at the pace of a group with a toddler or leave early for someone else’s kid.
"This has caused real tension with my sister and mom especially. They think I’m not being a team player."
"I think a shared family trip doesn’t mean six adults have to sacrifice their own experience for one kid’s bedtime."
"AITA for wanting to do our own thing at Disney instead of being one big group the whole time?"
Redditors weighed in using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. You’re not responsible for giving up your time to babysit. Also this makes no sense with this many adults with only one child in the group, staying together the entire time."
"So everyone is going to only ride the kiddie rides, and not the adult rides the kid can’t ride? Or you’re all going to take turns with the kid and have to take up a ton of time riding on a rotating schedule because you can’t split up?" ~ kbmn16
"NTA. Coerced babysitting is terrible. I could see if different couples who have parents maybe swap babysitting duties, but expecting the childfree couples to babysit is just crap." ~anglflw
"I completely agree with you. What family fails to realize on trips is their responsibility is NOT your responsibility."
"If the parents wanted to have the FULL ADULT experience at Disney they should've found arrangements for their child. Always irritating when parents try and push their kids on other people. Especially if the other people are child free.
"Having the child was their decision NOT yours. Enjoy your trip they will get over it." ~Kiki_515
"This is also annoying when you have children. My child is much older and when I’m treated like I shouldn’t mind watching someone else’s kid because I have one I get super annoyed. Mine can be fully independent, why would I want to be responsible for your toddler?" ~Jillandjay
"Swapping babysitting is having a 'village' to help with the kids. Asking the child free people to do it is entitlement." ~PookieCat415
"Yeah exactly…I think there’s a difference between wanting to spend time together as a family and expecting everyone to structure their entire trip around the kid's schedule. The parents are responsible for the kids and everyone else should be able to enjoy the trip they paid for." ~silverXwoods
"That's why they are so insistent! They are counting on OP to be a free babysitter every couple of days so they can go out and enjoy themselves." ~Effective-Dog-6201
"NTA. The parents are responsible for their child. If other relatives want to volunteer to watch the child for a night, they can offer, but they shouldn't be required to babysit."
"Nor, as adults, should you be forced to spend the entire time with your family. Especially if you are paying for your portion of the trip."
"It sounds like you and your wife should just skip this trip and book your own Disney vacation, at a different time." ~Wild_Ticket1413
"I would go, but they cannot force you to hang out with them. Just say 'we are staying at the park, see you later' and catch your own ride back. Hopefully you are in a hotel and not sharing an AirBNB because that brings its own annoyances." ~accioagua
"Sis and Mom think everyone should join in, but will EVERYONE do this a few years down the line when the current toddler is a teen and YOU possibly have a toddler or two? Doubtful, so absolutely NTA, and enjoy Disney!" ~brneyedgrrl
"Yes to all of this. Parents are responsible for their kids. Everybody else is on a volunteer only basis. Not your kids, not your problem."
"I'd do exactly what you said and plan my own disney vacation.This makes me mad as a parent of an under-5 kid. The audacity of these people to hand off their own kid at Disney of all places. Geez." ~bustedbiscuit4
"NTA. Look. My brother has a bunch of kids. I got a couple. My mom came to Disney with me twice. Why? She knows I’ll never expect her to watch my kids. Because… they are my kids."
"She does her own thing, stays at the room, reads a book… whatever."
"'Tight family trip'? WTF does that mean? If you have a kid, you watch the kid. If grandma wants to be a kind person and take a turn, go for it, lady! But you are absolutely not responsible." ~HereNorThere123
"They only wanted a 'tight family trip' to get free babysitting out of people who have no responsiblity to give up their time to babysit." ~ Dangerous_Ant3260
"It’s suddenly less tight when the parents of the kids want to go off and do their own thing while pawning their kids off on someone else. I hate this idea that child free people should be the ones to give people with kids 'time off' by sacrificing their vacation time."
"I have kids; I’m a single parent. I’d never, ever, ever expect my child free family members to cut into their vacation time because I feel like I’m entitled to kid free time." ~Andee_outside
"Yeah, if it's a 'tight family trip' and it's important for everyone to experience everything together, they'd want OP and their wife there too, not sent back to the room with the kids."
"It also sounds like a recipe for misery, because people at different ages have different energy levels and different interests, and probably everyone will be happier if they can split off sometimes." ~ OkSecretary1231
"It means that OP was invited specifically for childcare." ~ehs06702
"Let's be real, babysitting at Disney/on vacation is so different than babysitting at home! And you either volunteer to babysit or you get paid for it, doubly so on vacation!" ~ Lows-andHighs
"The 'tight family trip' thing sounds miserable to me even before the expectation to babysit. A party of seven is too big in my opinion to stick together at all times throughout a Disney trip."
"Every time I've gone with a group that big, we've done big chunks of time together, but also split off into smaller groups for hours at a time. You're just not going to get seven people on the same page all day every day; everyone's going to have different things they do or don't want to do and that goes double if just one of the seven is a young child and the rest are adults."
"Admittedly, we don't have all the info, but a trip where one is expected to spend every moment with the entire party except for when it's your turn to sit and twiddle your thumbs in a hotel room with a toddler...eesh. Absolutely would not pay my own money to go on that trip. Come to that, I think it'd be a hard sell even if the family members making those demands were paying my way." ~YawningDodo
"Let me guess - sis is the only one with kids and grandma doesn’t want to babysit all the time. You are reasonable so just do your own thing." ~ WoollyMammothwapo
"If there were multiple couples with children & each of those couples took a turn being 'on duty' while the kids were sleeping, so that the other couples could enjoy a late dinner or something, then that would make total sense to me."
"Everyone involved benefits that they get a turn doing something together as a couple while their children are being safely cared for."
"But it doesn’t make sense to include childless couples in the rotation because they’re not gaining anything from the situation." ~ baffled_soap
"As someone with young kids, NTA. Especially if everyone paid their own way. Maybe you guys can do a loose schedule that prioritizes the stuff everyone wants to do together at times that work for the kid, but part of the reality of having kids is missing out on stuff to put the kid's needs first." ~ HollyJandra
"Yeah. When my kids were little, we all started the day together, but my husband and I took the kids back for a midday nap. We had an AirBNB together so we made dinner before going back for a couple hours in the evening. Grandma and Grandpa almost always came back with us."
"My siblings and their spouses sometimes came back with us and sometimes did their own thing (or rode a few of the big rides and then came back for dinner). When we left to put the kids to bed, my siblings always stayed and did all the big rides my kids couldn't go on then."
"One night my parents took the kids back so my husband and I could get some big rides in, but I was grateful for that, not demanding it. In our case, my siblings wanted to see Disney magic through their niece and nephew's eyes. No one would have cared if they wanted to break off during the day and do their own thing while we did something else with the kids."
"The best idea I've seen for families who have more varied interests is to agree on a first and last ride of the day. So everyone goes on one ride together and then they split up and do their own thing. At an agreed upon meet-up time, everyone gets together to go on a last ride before leaving the parks."
"In OP's family that would have to be an artificial 'last' ride for the kid, but it could still work to do a 'last' ride together before sister or mom take the kid back for the night." ~ Ijustreadalot
OP and his wife aren't responsible for anyone else's kid.
If the parents don't want the responsibility of a child, they shouldn't have had one.
