Listen, it's 2026, and we cannot afford, and are way too overqualified to accept, doing work for free that should absolutely be paid labor.
Included must be babysitting, which involves caring for a child and keeping them alive, pointed out members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit, which should absolutely be worth paying for.
But Redditor adorablecherryy's family was not on board with that. In fact, their family expected them to take time off from work to care for their four little cousins.
When their mother confronted them about it later, insisting that family should help family no matter what, the Original Poster (OP) felt torn between helping family and being able to pay their bills.
They asked the sub:
"Am I the a**hole for telling my aunt that I can't babysit unless I'm paid?"
The OP tried to be helpful when their aunt needed help with her four young kids.
"My aunt has four young kids (between the ages of seven and 13), and she often asks me to babysit when she runs errands or has plans."
"I usually say yes and don't expect anything in return."
But when it impacted their work schedule, the OP hesitated.
"This time, she asked me to watch them for a full Saturday."
"I had to give up a work shift to do it. Money is tight for me right now, and that shift actually mattered."
"I asked if she planned to pay me."
"She seemed caught off guard and said family doesn't charge family."
"I explained that I wouldn't be able to afford missing work."
"She really wasn't taking it well. She wasn't shouting or anything, but she had that kind of demeanour where you can tell she was a mix of angry/disappointed with me."
The OP's mother called them out on not helping their aunt this time.
"She found someone else, but later, my mom told me my aunt was upset and felt like I was putting money over family."
"I don't feel good about it, but I also didn't want to pretend it didn't matter."
"I feel like on one side, yes, family shouldn't charge family, but on the other side, when doing something for them causes you to lose out on money that you would have otherwise made, to pay your bills, then it becomes more reasonable. Or does it?"
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that the money had to come from somewhere.
"If you had skipped work without getting paid by your aunt, YOU would have PAID to babysit."
"She's disappointed you didn't pay to babysit her kids. And they're saying that you are putting money over family?"
"NTA." - Sputtrosa
"Nearly every time someone says you're putting money over family, what they mean is you're putting YOUR money over THEIR money."
"But also, I have to point out the whole reason she's asking OP is that OP doesn't charge. You're not doing someone a favor when you start charging for favors you were doing for free. Just work the shift if you need the money. If the aunt had the money, they probably wouldn't be relying on you in that way?
Like, I can see a situation where you need a shift, aunt asks OP for a favor, and they say, 'I need the shift,' and aunt offers to pay that amount. But if you find yourself in a situation where you agree, cancel your shift, and then try to chase that amount, you've f**ked up. NTA obviously." - avcloudy
"I'm a pet sitter, and my close friends and family rule is that they pay my expenses. This includes if I had to turn down another job to take theirs. If I had no other conflicting booking requests and they organise my transport, then it's free, and I'm fine with that." - carrotaddiction
"NTA, it amounts to the OP paying the Aunt for the privilege of babysitting her kids. Also, if it's so important to OP's mom, she can babysit the kids and connect with her little nieces and nephews." - aquestionofbalance
"Your Aunt wanted you to babysit for free at your expense to save money. I'm sure your Mother is not stupid enough to not realise this."
"In fact, mom sounds like she's trying to take the easy way out and appease the aunt, which is what the aunt expected when she told her. If she knew mom would tell her she gotta pay to play, it would never have been brought up."
"NTA." - MasRemplap
"NTA. I'm betting that whoever she found to replace you was paid for their time. You did nothing wrong, and your mom has no right to make you feel bad."
"I personally would never babysit for her again, since she does not respect you." - babydtheone
"NTA. Your aunt is taking advantage of you. Not to mention, putting money into niblings' pockets is part of the fun of being an aunt. I do not like her. Booooooo!" - PlentifulBox
Others urged the OP to discontinue the babysitting arrangements and focus on their job.
"Next time, just tell her you have work. Don't inconvenience yourself with no reward. NTA." - GeekHabits
"You have a job where you get paid. Why would you give that up to work for your aunt for free? You wouldn't and shouldn't." - underhand_toss
"Ahem. Even if you had the day off and wanted to do other things, you don't need to feel guilty about not babysitting. ESPECIALLY if you're not being paid." - Senior_Bat4271
"Just say No. In person, shut the door. On the phone, shut it down, and block. Do not allow another single person time to make a remark. If they start, you stop it." - Square-Swan2800
"NTA. Tell her, 'No, I have to work on Saturday,' period. Don't take off your regular job even if she is paying you! Unless you don't care if you lose your job?"
"She is the AH if she expects you to skip work to babysit for her. You are clearly babysitting too often if she thinks she can drop them off any time. You need to say 'no' more often." - underwater_owl
"Dude, your aunt is taking advantage of you, and that's not cool. My cousin used to do this until I started asking for cash."
"You gotta pay your bills, which means keeping your job by actually going to your job, doing your shifts, and getting paid, not taking valuable time off of work and hurting your image, accountability, and work ethic by being there for family who doesn't want to be there for you."
"She can get a real babysitter (and by real, I mean one that she'll pay rather than swindling you; I'm sure you actually do a good job, or she wouldn't keep crawling back)." - littlecupps
"NTA. Next time, tell her that you are not free. You have work."
"It's bizarre reasoning that she expects you to drop a shift when money is tight so she can do whatever, putting herself above 'family.'"
"If family is going to be there for family, then family needs to help cover the bills, not just the kids when their mom wants to make plans." - Dogmother123
"NTA, but you are being an a**hole to yourself by not standing up for yourself. Do not ever watch these kids unless you want to, and unless she's paying you."
"Why isn't your mom watching the kids if that's how she feels about it?" - panic_bread
"NTA, but family only seems to help family when it benefits your aunt."
"When you are the one who is put at a disadvantage or even has to struggle to pay the bills, it does not seem to matter."
"To be honest, personally, I would never babysit for free for her ever again, only if it was truly an emergency." - LadyWiezel
"I want to say this as kindly as I can, because I assume that you love your family and want to be there for them and watch your cousins grow up, which is why you're feeling guilty."
"But caring for them is not your job. You're not being paid, and your job is your job."
"Even if, heaven forbid, something happened to your aunt, and you somehow were the one who needed to take in your four cousins, yes, THEN it would be your job to care for them."
"But guess what, you'd STILL have to have ANOTHER job... to pay the bills!"
"Babysitting doesn't look as good on a resume as it used to, unless you're going into related work as an adult, and it generally doesn't pay as much as you need to pay the bills."
"Please take care of yourself, and work hard at your actual place of work, so that you can keep your job, get paid for your hours, pay your bills, and maybe even level up in the company (if you want to)."
"You can still be there for your family in other ways that do not require so much of your time or your expenses. Because right now, you're paying to babysit and then scrambling to pay bills while being guilted into caring for your family, with nothing in return but more guilt, and that's not fair."
"NTA." - TheBookishAndTheBard
"If you're scheduled to work, don't even say you can babysit if she would pay you. Just say, 'I'm sorry, I can't babysit for you Saturday, I have to work.'"
"If she says you should skip work, just say she should understand that work is an adult responsibility and that you can't just blow it off or you will lose your job."
"Ask her, 'Do you want me to lose my job?' See just how far she will take her self-centeredness. And then go to work." - Several_Razzmatazz51
The subReddit could understand the OP feeling torn between family obligations and work obligations, but at the end of the day, babysitting was costing the OP money, time, and potentially even their job, if they resorted to calling off work to care for their cousins.
If their aunt was actually paying them and not guilt-tripping them, and if they saw a future in childcare or elementary education, then it might make sense to continue caring for their cousins.
But as it stood, the OP deserved better than visits to their aunt's house when their aunt needed it and nothing else in return but guilt.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp