Vacationing with our friends seems like a great idea.
Until we start to plan.
During planning, we often discover that we have very different ideas of what constitutes a fun or relaxing vacation than our friends do.
Sometimes, we abandon the trip altogether.
Redditor Turbulent-Loan-7406 was planning a vacation with one of her best friends.
Unfortunately, as the trip details began to solidify, the original poster (OP) became less and less excited about the idea.
Eventually, she wanted to pull out of the trip entirely.
Wondering if it would be wrong for her to do so, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar 'Am I The A**Hole' (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Voting acronyms aren't required, and no final judgment is declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for not wanting to go on vacation with my best friend and her son?"
The OP explained why she no longer felt the urge to vacation with her friend:
"My best friend (31 F[emale]) invited me (26 F[emale]) to go on vacation with her."
"She said she would bring her 7-year-old son, but he will be in the children’s area so we can still 'have fun'."
"But now we are having disagreements."
"She wants to stay in an all-inclusive package family hotel for 7 days so the child can have entertainment."
"I’m single. I don’t want to pay to go on holiday to be surrounded by couples and children; I want to socialize with people my age and have fun."
"She wants to stay in a resort that’s isolated and quiet; I want to go somewhere that has nightlife and young single people like myself."
"I told her I’m only spending maximum £550, the hotels she’s sending me are £850, she said she will pay the rest of it, but then I’ll be in debt to her and it could cause arguments."
"Just to add, I’ve known her for 1 year, we work together, and I don’t know her son."
"Anyways AITA if I cancel this trip that I already agreed to? She wants to book it tomorrow."
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
The Reddit community thought that, as long as she wasn't leaving her friend high and dry, the OP had every right to pull out of the trip.
Everyone agreed that a child-focused vacation was not what the OP had initially agreed to, especially since she hasn't even met her friend's child yet:
"NTA!"
"Cancel now, this is only going to end in absolute chaos and tears!"- MamfieG
"'Oh honey... we are at COMPLETELY different stages in life. Please enjoy your vacation with your son! I'm joining a Contiki tour'."
"NTA."- Catfactss
"I say this as a single mum, do NOT go."
"Holidays with kids are not chill."- ThePenultimateRolo
"NTA as long as you cancel ASAP."
"If you wait, you're really hanging your friend out to dry."- Mr_E_Nigma_Solver
"Nonononononono."
"NTA."
"Get out now."
"Don't holiday with a colleague - you are her way to avoid a singles supplement so the kid probably also stays/eats for free."-Aussie_Foodie
"You two want different vacations, but y'all are trying to make it the same one by making the other convert."
"Recipe for disaster."
"She needs to go with people on her level, and so do you."
"Separate vacations."- AggravatingBid8255
"Don’t go."
"Will be a nightmare."
"She wants someone to help her watch her kid on vacation."- Karinka_LI
"NTA."
"Cancel now before she books."
"Maybe the child can go to the child’s area, but that’s maybe for 6-7 hours/day max, assuming the child likes being there."
"What about dinner time? "
"Child preferences will come into this."
"Evening entertainment?"
"You’re at the whim of this kid, as they can’t be left alone in the hotel resort room."
"Day tours?"
"Alone for sure, but unlikely that your friend could join while leaving the child back at the resort."- Snackinpenguin
"In all honesty, you need a best friend more your own age with a similar lifestyle."
"Definitely NTA."
"Your arguments against make complete sense."
"I wouldn't want to go on a trip where the other person footed the difference of the bill."
"I would feel obligated to them the entire time while on the trip in addition to owing them money for a trip I didn't get to fully enjoy."- AbsentheMindedProf
"NAH."
"You’re at different times in your life, and it’s not the time to go on vacation together."
"It’s not compatible."- JustWhippet
"NTA."
"Don't go."
"In addition to the other things you've mentioned that are red flags, there's a good chance that the reason she's pressuring you is that she's going to ask you to babysit."- teresajs
"NTA."
"Tell her you all have different ideas about the vacation and you need to back out."- Internal_Role_1549
"This is less of a 'friend' and more of a work colleague."
"I would politely decline and seek having friendships outside of work."
"This would go south if you went on the trip, may likely go south when you say, 'No, thanks'.”
"The resulting dynamic can make work uncomfortable."
"I would try to spend time with people your age and lifestyle strata."- thatgirlinny
"NTA."
"Cancel now."
"Explain that it’s not within your budget; you don’t ever want to owe anyone money, and stand firm on that."
"In addition, you want to be part of an active nightlife vacation, and that’s not what she is looking for."- -2rad4u-
"NTA."
"But why did you agree to this?"- Beautiful_Arm8364
"NTA."
"Especially because nothing has actually been booked yet."
"Just tell her that as plans are starting to come together, you’re realizing you both have conflicting desires for this vacation and that you’re very sorry, but you’ll need to bow out."
"Don’t spend a lot of time getting into reasons because that will just give her opportunities to 'fix' whatever you bring up, as you saw with her offering to cover the budget difference."
"You don’t want to go on vacation with someone you barely know, with her young child you don’t know at all, and there’s nothing she can do or offer to change that."
"That’s not an a**hole feeling to have."
"Just be nice about it and let her have her own feelings about it."- stopXstoreytime
"This is not a friendship that does trips together."
"NTA."- sourdough_s8n
"You two are envisioning two completely different kinds of vacations, and there's nothing wrong with you politely declining for all the reasons you've stated."
"I am wondering why she's pressing you so hard to come with her. I get that you're best friends, but you've known her under a year and you don't know her son."
"Is she looking for another pair of hands to help with him?"
"Is she a single mom who has to bring him along?"
"Is she looking for him to get something out of this vacation?"
"I don't like that she's dismissing your concerns and thinks simply paying the difference will make it all better and she'll get the vacation she wants."
"What about the vacation experience YOU want?"
"Something doesn't feel right here."- Rabbit-Hole-Effect
"The two of you have very different ideas about what a vacation entails."
"Neither one of you will be happy if you travel together."
"Just TALK to her and explain what it is you want from a vacation and how what she wants does not jive, then say, no, you don't want to go with her."
"NTA , but come on, use your voice."- Chilling_Storm
"No being honest is the best policy."
"Tell her you respect that she has a son and that she wanted to do something that’s inclusive with him, but that you’re single and you’d rather do things with people your own age."
"Tell her perhaps I could take a trip in the future that involves the sun if you can handle that, but for this first trip, tell you’d rather not go if you have to do all of those things."
"She might be angry with you and it might be the end of the relationship frankly, but at least she wouldn’t be stuck in that."
"I have kids myself and I’ve never asked my girlfriend to go with me on a trip with my children because I knew that they were all single and they would want to go places that frankly I wouldn’t be able to go."
"Your friend needs to understand and not have any issues with it if she does then she’s only thinking about her and she doesn’t care about you as much as you think."- Ok-Inevitable4778
The OP later returned with an update, sharing that she was honest with her friend, and how her friend responded:
"I’ve explained to her 5 times today that this vacation is incompatible for us, and that she should go with somebody more suited."
"She won’t take no for an answer and keeps altering the arrangements so it would be more enjoyable for me, for example a resort with bars/clubs for young people."
"I’m not sure why she keeps trying after I’ve voiced my opinion so many times."
It's very difficult for parents to plan a vacation with their children, and even more difficult for them to plan one without them.
Even so, it seems the OP and her friend have very different expectations for how this vacation will go.
Making canceling the only real solution.
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