Not all parents see eye to eye on how to raise their children.
While one of them might be stern and strict, the other might be a little more loose, allowing them to do things their co-parent might strongly object to.
With that in mind, it's safe to say that if there's one thing parents always agree on, it's the health and safety of their children.
Even then, one might have a slightly more relaxed view than the other.
Redditor missuseve was recently on vacation with her husband and their three children.
While on vacation, the original poster (OP) told her husband that a certain activity was off-limits, owing to safety concerns.
Something the OP's husband felt was a bit excessive, trying to persuade her to think otherwise.
After being accused of "disrespecting" her husband for standing firm in her position, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA I wouldn’t let my husband take our children out in the ocean?"
The OP explained why she wanted to keep her children out of the water, much to her husband's dismay:
"We are on a family beach vacation with my (40 F[emale]) family."
"The ocean has been extremely rough so much so that when we tried to let the kids (6,5,2) play in the surf at ankle depth they were getting tossed around and we had to go back to the house because it was too much (red flag posted at the beach access which in NC means 'A single red flag on North Carolina beaches means a high hazard with dangerous surf conditions and strong, frequent rip currents. Officials strongly advise everyone to stay out of the water because swimming is extremely dangerous'.)
"We go back out the next day and the red flag is still there."
"Visibly it’s slightly calmer but not by much."
"My husband who is a self-admitted 'strong swimmer' wanted to take our 6 year old son out in the water past the breakers maybe 10’ out."
"I said absolutely not and my mom who was also there panicked and said 'husbands name absolutely no one is out swimming right now. Do not go out there'.”
"My husband stormed off the beach."
"Then came back out and made a big show of swimming in the water."
"Later that evening he said I disrespected him big time by not letting him teach his son to swim in the water."
"I said that going out in those conditions was a hard non-negotiable for me for our child’s safety and that no matter how good of a swimmer he was something could happen that even the best of swimmers wouldn’t be a match for."
"He told me that he had gone out and tested the conditions and he felt it was safe and would never put his son in danger."
"I said I felt differently about the situation and that I understood he felt it was safe but I did not."
"Husband is furious with me and feels like I disrespected him."
"The child in question can swim, though is 6 so not a super strong swimmer by any means, husband wanted to teach him about swimming in the ocean specifically."
"AITA for not letting my husband take our 6 year old out in red flag ocean conditions?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to allow her husband to take their children into the ocean.
Everyone agreed that the OP did exactly the right thing by thinking first and foremost of the safety of her children, with many even expressing their concern if the OP ever left her husband alone with their children:
"NTA."
"I live in a coastal town, and I know a girl who got caught in a rip current when she was about 10 years old."
"Her father went out to save her, she surfaced, he didn’t."
"Even though her father saved her she lives with the consuming guilt that if she hadn’t gone swimming that far out her father would still be here."
"Nobody wants that for their children."
"I also know parents who have lost children who were 'strong swimmers' because their kids overestimated their own ability."
"F*ck, I’ve seen rip currents pull the feet out from underneath people that weigh more than 250lbs, people confident that they would be able to handle the rip current only to be completely blindsided by one."
"The ocean is not the place to show off."
"He was willing to let his ego get in the way of your child’s safety."- Maddie24Kennedy
"NTA."
"When they post those red flags, they mean stay out of the water."
"Period."
"People have died in riptides."
"There will be other days for your husband to take your son in the ocean."- Querque_Quirky
"NTA."
"There's more than one red flag in this story."- ReadMeDrMemory
"NTA."
"The lifeguards know better than your husband."- agentninetynine_99
"NTA."
"Also, your husband is not a strong swimmer."
"A strong swimmer is aware of their limitations and the unpredictability of open water."
"No actual strong swimmer with experience is sticking a 6-year-old in the ocean with a red flag."
"Your husband is acting like a guy who is very impressed with himself for passing a swim test at summer camp as a child."- KaraAuden
"NTA."
"Your husband sounds insecure and is taking it out on you."
"If you say you’re worried about your children’s safety and he takes it as him being disrespected, that is a bigger issue that needs to be addressed."- jstine_4
"NTA I was a kid who nearly drowned with a dad like that."
"If it weren't for the incredible luck of there being an iron man swimming tournament that day and life guards in boats around the ocean rip currents, I would've been dragged out to sea."
"I have another not so fond experience of my father bringing me and my brother in the ocean and then both of us nearly drowning and needing medical care because he couldn't save us both at the same time."- amphibbian
"Teaching a kid how to swim is for lakes or more preferably a swimming pool."
"NTA, but the hubby sure is."- MiserableQuestion383
"Red Flag warning."
"It means you don't go in the water."
"Gave its name to relationship warning signs."
"You are NTA."- mind_the_umlaut
"NTA."
"We listen to the lifeguards."- CMVqueen
"NTA."
“'My apologies for wanting our child to live'."
"'Silly me'.”
"He was (and is) being extremely arrogant and reckless."- Disastrous-Nail-640
"NTA."
"I am a very strong swimmer."
"I absolutely underestimated how hard swimming can be for others, and my own ability to help others."
"My husband is incredibly strong and in shape."
"Works out religiously, eats well, plays sports, the whole ten yards."
"I could never understand why he seemed to struggle in the water."
"We were out snorkeling in Greece last summer, and I didn't realize I had gotten really far from our boat."
"I was completely fine!"
"However, my husband was scared shitless for me and followed me."
"He was struggling, I was scared once I realized how little energy he had left."
"I asked him to float on his back, and I would take him back. It was almost impossible."
"He was pure muscle, next to no body fat to help him float, couldn't even inflate his lungs to help with his buoyancy."
"Thankfully, we got back to the boat, and we both had this realization moment."
"He couldn't understand how effortless it was for me to swim until that moment."
"I work out, but I don't have his muscle mass weighing me down."
"I couldn't realize that it took a LOT of effort and strength to keep his body above water."
"Your husband is overconfident because of his experience."
"And though your child is small and light."
"Saving another person in difficult water is extremely dangerous."
"It's not worth the risk."- Lighthouse_on_Mars
"NTA."
"Your husband has awful judgment and apparently doesn’t think twice about putting his children in danger."
"What a loser."
"Can’t believe you married him."
"There’s no controlling the ocean."- babybug98
"NTA."
"Check out what Melanie Hamlett says about guys like this."
"They're overconfident to the point of putting the women and children around them in danger."
"They've been responsible for deaths and injuries because they think they know better than the weather reports, the scientists, the experts, and, in particular, the mothers."
"Keep this guy away from one-on-one time with your kids; it's clear he puts his ego ahead of the lives of his children."
"Also, good job protecting your son."- HomelyHobbit
The OP's husband should consider himself lucky, as many a "strong swimmer' has been lost to dangerous riptides.
Even if he proved he was a strong enough swimmer to handle the water himself, how could he be so sure he could have saved all three of his children if something went wrong?
As many members of the Reddit community pointed out, the red flags of this situation weren't only the ones on the beach...
