The perfect family vacation is what parents aspire to provide, but it's rarely attainable with children. Kids are unpredictable by nature. They get messy, get hurt, or get sick.
They don't do it deliberately; it's just the nature of the beast.
A parent turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback after one of their children's unexpected illnesses changed their vacation plans.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
ReligionIsAwful asked:
"AITAH for refusing to take the kids to the aquarium while on vacation?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"It's fall break weekend, and my wife and I took the kids (5 and 10) down to St. Louis for a long weekend/short trip. We started with the zoo on the first day, then went to the Renaissance Festival and the Gateway Arch at night on the second day. They were doing a pretty sweet public event where they set up really strong telescopes, and everyone got to look at the moon close up and even Saturn, which was pretty sweet in my opinion."
"Come Sunday though, there was something very obviously up with our youngest—was definitely acting like he was sick... So that morning I only took our older child to the Botanical Garden while he slept in, which was freaking awesome by the way, 10/10 extremely cool botanical garden, do recommend to anyone to visit, so before we got back we picked up a home flu test and sure enough, the kiddo tested positive for Flu A."
"We did do a trade-off on who was on sick-kid duty the day before. I did the morning trip to the botanical garden with our oldest - then after lunch and a movie, she took the oldest to the illusion museum there. In my opinion, she definitely got the worse end of that deal, but not like either of us had been to either place before/had any expectations."
"Sucks, but nothing you can do about it, right?"
"Well, this morning his fever was MOSTLY back to normal, down to 100.3, which is not technically a fever according to whatever standard... So, unbeknownst to me the wife was planning on continuing our original plans of going to the aquarium this morning before continuing our drive back home."
"Checkout was at 10 a.m. this morning—and again, I had assumed we were just driving home, not going to said aquarium since he is sick—it wasn't until we were on the way there, my wife was driving, that I realized her plan and said argument ensued."
"The only reason I found out she was even planning on going to said aquarium was that I read in a group text with my parents she mentioned that we were going to be home later this evening, because we were going to go to the aquarium and then drive home."
"When I found out she was planning on still going—we had stopped to grab some breakfast. It was a walk-up doughnut/hand-pie place, so one of us went and got the food while the rest were in the car."
"I first tried privately texting her, 'You're not seriously considering taking him to the aquarium today, right?'—to which she said—'Yep. Because he's not technically running a fever, he's, in-theory, not contagious anymore'."
"Maybe I came off passive-aggressive? But I legit couldn't believe she was considering it and I legit thought we were just driving home at first."
"So once we got in the car she set the GPS for the aquarium, so I got loud and made it clear that I STRONGLY opposed doing this -- and she was still being resistant and wanted to do the aquarium anyways, and 'I could just stay in the car...'."
"So I went full lecture mode, talking about how it's extremely selfish, inconsiderate, and just plain wrong to take a knowingly-sick kid into a public place like that—especially a 5-year-old who touches everything."
"Eventually she relented, literally as we pulled up to said aquarium's parking lot... And now I am sitting in the car with two pissed off/disappointed kids and a fuming wife, because now I'M the bad guy that ruined our plans and we still have 4 hours of driving left to go. Oh Joy."
"Honestly, she is normally extremely rational and is 100% pro-vaccine and whatnot. I personally think this is just her wanting to make the most out of a vacation/not have them miss out on doing something fun. And hopefully she'll be less pissed off later."
"Being the not-fun parent sucks. But it especially sucks when you're put in the spotlight for making the not-fun decision."
"AITAH?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not wrong to be responsible or considerate of others (NTA).
"NTA. What is wrong with your wife‽‽ I bet she'd be the first one to be upset if one of your children caught the flu from someone else who selfishly did that! Thank you for being the voice of reason, speaking as another parent. You are absolutely correct."
"Also, why was she unilaterally making that decision knowing you had a sick child without privately discussing it with you first? Her driving there anyway set you up to be the bad guy and that's not cool. You guys are supposed to be a team and present a united front."
"This should not have happened. I know it sucks to have to change or cancel plans unexpectedly. I get it. But still, logic and common sense need to prevail here and they didn't." ~ flynena-3
"To say nothing of the fact that a kid with flu would likely be MISERABLE walking around an aquarium. And a kid not having fun is going to soon make the whole family regret going in the first place." ~ sammotico
"Absolutely! The wife was thinking about what she wanted to do rather than what would be best for the sick child on top of everybody else." ~ flynena-3
"And if the kid is barely recovered from the one day, having kiddo power through the aquarium would have led to the symptoms coming back with a vengeance. That car ride and first night home would have been so much worse. That kid needs rest so they can recover properly." ~ Scorp128
Redditor Puzzleheaded-Ad7606 gave a pointed and poignant response:
"Have your wife read this: I'm currently fighting stage 3 cancer. It takes a lot for me to be able to go out and walk around for even a few hours. This has been my life for 6 months now, and I have even almost died twice from side effects from chemo and radiation."
"I've been hospitalized, unable to eat for over a month, lost 55 lbs, and was told I needed blood transfusions. It was not looking good there for a while a few months back. This month is my birthday- one none of us was sure I would get to even though I'm only in my mid 40s."
"I did everything in my power to have enough energy and be in good enough health for my doctors to agree for me to meet up with my adult kids and my best friends family at the Atlanta Aquarium a few hours away to go see the sharks (one of my favorite things in the world)."
"Of course, I had to wear a mask, take a lot of breaks, manage my meds for maxium energy vs pain relief, and basically slept the whole car ride both ways to pull this off. But again, while we are hopeful, this might be my last birthday or even holiday with everyone around."
"Wife is incredibly selfish. If you guys had been near me- catching the flu could have killed me. Her FOMO for herself and kiddo could have gotten a lot of people sick, and killed some of us. 100 is a fever. The flu is contagious for days before symptoms and days after no matter if you have a fever at the moment or not. Kids touch everything."
"I swear people are so incredibly stupid and thoughtless to those around them for petty, selfish reasons. I'm so grateful I did not end up in the same aquarium with you guys, and for the others like me who are immunocompromised, that you saved me from being exposed. To some 'it's just the flu', but for others it's a possible death sentence."
"Even those who 'only get the flu" can have complications, and will have to miss work or school. Your child running around and not resting while having the flu ups his chances of being one of those with complications by the way."
"Wife, the world is much bigger than you and your kids wants. For you, there will hopefully be decades and decades of chances to go to the aquarium. Stop being so short-sighted and self-centered. Be a better example to your kids of what being a good, responsible member of society looks like."
"NTA. Honestly OP, truly wish more people thought and acted the way you did in this situation. Your wife should apologize in front of the kids and own up to the fact she was wrong, and Dad was absolutely right, explaining why this is the case. Teaching your kids how to be good, thoughtful members of society is an integral part of raising children."
OP's wife will have lived through the COVID-19 pandemic. If she didn't learn good public health practices then, perhaps she's incapable of making responsible decisions.
