Unmarried adult children often spend holidays with their parents. Then if they get married, the couple will need to decide whether to stay home or which relatives to visit and for which holidays.
Throw a kid or two into the mix and things get more complicated.
A soon-to-be father turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback about traveling with a baby.
Confused_Abt_Life asked:
"AITA asking postpartum wife and 5-month-old daughter to travel over Christmas?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"My wife is pregnant with our first child, she’s due in the beginning of August. We live in the same state as her family, but my family is international (5 hour flight plus a 2 hour drive)."
"Before we got married, we always spoke about travel to visit my family, and how frequently we would do so. The plan was always to spend Thanksgiving with her family and Xmas with my family."
"My parents have not been very accepting of my wife and are very upset that I settled in another country."
"My sister who lives 10 minutes from my parents is expecting a baby in November, and I would very much like us to make the trip over Christmas and see my family and new niece and have my grandparents and cousins meet my new baby."
"My wife refuses since she doesn’t feel comfortable flying with our baby before she’s 1 year old and doesn’t want to be around my parents while she’s 5 months postpartum."
"I understand her concerns, but I’m sad because opportunities for my family to all be together are rare, and I feel like our original expectations around holidays and family access have changed significantly."
"AITA for pushing her to fly over Christmas?"
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
"I pushed my wife to take a trip she’s not comfortable with. She’ll be postpartum and feels vulnerable."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was the a**hole (YTA).
"YTA and don’t you dare tell your parents that she doesn’t want to come. You are telling them that it is too early for your baby to travel, and that YOU have decided to skip this first one."
"Do not throw your wife under the bus on this. From the get go, you are the one who will be managing your family and making it clear that decisions are both yours and your wife’s on the consideration of your newborn."
"Otherwise this is going to snowball and resentments will grow." ~ fearlessleader808
"I live across the country from my family and when my first baby was born my husband started working really long days. Sometimes not coming home because it didn’t make sense to drive home (his commute was 2-3 hours one way)."
"We live near my in-laws and back then, they didn’t like me much. I decided to spend most of the summer with my family and they were PISSED at me for deciding to spend 6 weeks away. Even though they didn’t want to spend time with me?? But they were mad on my husband’s behalf."
"It was actually my husband’s grandma who said to everyone 'Give her a break. She’s all alone most of the time and taking care of a baby—let her see her damn family as long as she wants!' Not everyone has Grandma Mary. So please for the love of your wife, do not make this a 'my wife says no,' but tell them it’s too soon and YOU are looking out for them both." ~ Marianniec
"YTA for wanting to visit your parents who 'haven't been very accepting' of your wife. I'd bet you're underselling how badly they treat her." ~ fiercequality
"YTA, the holidays are an insane time to travel and the height of sickness and your child will not have all their vaccines yet to keep them protected!" ~ jdcarl14
"YTA. Have no idea how it was agreed they would spend every single Christmas with his family and only Thanksgiving with hers."
"Building your own traditions with your child is important. Imagine that child having to feel the tension in the husband's family home since they do not like OP's wife. His poor wife as well won't be able to enjoy Christmas."
"Travelling at any holiday is awful, it's going to be a nightmare for that child being dragged around between flights, driving, change of routine etc. What an awful way to celebrate Christmas." ~ SeekAnswers
"You’re going to have a baby. Now is the perfect time to get your family sorted. If they want to ever see their grandchild, they need to start treating that child's mother with the respect she deserves. Until they do, don't subject your wife or your child to their toxicity. Neith your wife nor your child deserves to be mistreated/to witness their mother being mistreated." ~ MMohawMais
The OP provided an update:
"I am the a**hole."
"Thanks, everybody, for your comments. It’s our first child, so my expectations are seemingly off base. We’re also the first of our friends to have kids, so I sought Reddit for advice. Completely understood it’s too early to have even brought up traveling at Christmas, given we don’t have any idea what our baby is like."
"My parent’s position on my wife has put a huge strain on my relationship with them, and I have been trying to remediate that. I think more than anything, it makes me sad that they haven’t accepted her and she doesn’t feel welcome in their home since my wife + family are some of my favorite people."
"I definitely will get in front of the conversation around travelling at Christmas to make sure that’s not on my wife."
While the OP was originally misguided, they were willing to listen and learn.
Those are traits that bode well for their marriage and parenting journey.
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