Mom Asks If It's Wrong To Expect Stepson's 'Odd' Girlfriend To Acknowledge Her In Her Own Home

While being a guest in someone's house, there are a few basic rules that anyone should know to follow.

These include being aware and cautious in the space, being appreciative of your host, and thanking them for their hospitality.

Shockingly, there are far too many functioning adults who have trouble following these three seemingly simple rules.

The girlfriend of Redditor Stressed_Out_12's stepson was becoming a frequent visitor in their home.

While the original poster (OP) was fond enough of her stepson's girlfriend, she found her visits anything but pleasant.

Something she felt the need to express to her stepson, which he did not appreciate in the slightest.

Concerned she may have overstepped, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITAH).

Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.

The OP asked fellow Redditors:

"AITAH for expecting my son’s girlfriend to acknowledge us in our own home?"

The OP explained why they were growing more than a little tired of their stepson's girlfriend's visits:

"My (45 F[emale]) stepson (23 M[ale]) and his girlfriend (23F) live with my husband and me part time."

"Stepson has continued his week on, week off schedule we have been doing since he was a kid and we had split custody with his mom."

"About 4 years ago, he met his GF, and she started spending time with him at our house."

"He was driving her home really late at night, and we told them to just stay the night rather than drive home late because we didn’t feel it was safe."

"One night turned into 2, then 3, and now she basically lives here with him for the full week, every other week."

"The problem is that she does not talk to us."

"She walks into the house and goes straight up to his room and stays there."

"When she does come downstairs into the kitchen or family room, she avoids eye contact and will only speak if spoken to and only in a few words."

"We sometimes make food for them, and there is no thank you."

"Stepson is always talking for her and explaining her behavior."

"Initially it was that she is really shy and self-conscious."

"She’s still in college and stepson claims she needs a quiet place to study and rest because she is one of many kids at her home and it’s chaotic."

"We have had multiple conversations about this odd behavior, but nothing ever changes."

"We hear her talking to her stepson and their friends when they come over, so she will talk to others, just not us."

"WAS the last straw was last week when we asked them to wash her car that had bird poop and cobwebs on it (hasn’t been washed in months) and we overheard her complaining about being asked to wash her car."

"Are we the AHs for expecting her to be normal in our home?"

"It’s like we have this really awkward roommate situation."

"My husband doesn’t want to ask them to leave because he fought for so long to have equal time with his son, but this situation is not normal and is affecting our other kids and me."

"I feel like I’m losing perspective on this and asking myself if we are being unreasonable."

"But the tension is awkward, and I hate feeling this way in my own home."

"AITAH?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community agreed that the OP's frustrations towards her stepson's girlfriend were justified.

While many were confused by the fact that the OP's stepson was still on a split custody agreement, everyone otherwise agreed that the OP"s girlfriend was more or less ignoring basic courtesy, even if some also felt the OP needed to offer her some assistance in this department:

"Seems like this is a bigger conversation around boundaries and expectations for a shared living space."

"This isn’t a teenager, it’s a 23-year-old man and his father needs to lead by example."

"Directness can be kind and clear. "

"There is nuance between kicking them out // forcing someone to engage who might not want to // living in awkward silence laced with resentment."

"Get curious, ask questions, have a direct adult conversation."- BogWitch1015

"I’m stuck on the fact that a 23-year-old is doing week on and week off, following his childhood custody schedule lmao I have never heard of that before."- RoseRoseRose1234

"Week on week off with a 23-year-old is the wildest part of this post."- Oakislife

"NTA It sounds like his girlfriend has some pretty poor social skills."

"Expecting the minimum of an acknowledgment when in your home is not asking too much."

"To clarify, your husband asked the girlfriend to wash her car?"

"I do find that a bit odd."- nemc222

"NTA."

"It’s common courtesy to greet and acknowledge your hosts."

"It’s beyond rude to walk right by like you don’t exist."

"Our daughter is 22, and all her friends and current boyfriend ALWAYS greet us when they come in."

"You and spouse need a chat with stepson and let him know this behavior is unacceptable."- Mission_Breakfast548

"Wow, this was me."

"It’s like seeing myself through someone else’s eyes."

"I had terrible social skills, I was extremely insecure and self-conscious because of how sheltered (and abused/misintrested) I was at home."

"I could talk to a few people comfortably, but I couldn’t even look my ex's family in the eyes."

"Utter, heart-palpitating self-consciousness."

"You guys should make the first move, greeting her loudly when she arrives, commanding the environment with confidence, and trying to ignore the awkwardness, and she will likely respond more easily."

"She probably doesn’t want to be in control of the atmosphere, if that makes sense."

"Ask her lots of questions, engage with her in a way that opens opportunities for her to either tell stories about herself, explain her likes or dislikes or just anything really that fills that empty space of awkwardness."

"She needs to come out of her shell, and her boyfriend is hindering that by enabling her self-reclusive behavior."

"You’re NTA, but I don’t think she is either."

"I never realized I was perceived as rude when I was like this, when I was younger (14-18)."

"After 18, his mom began to take control of conversations, leading them."

"Through this, I began to learn how to interact with other people."

"How to converse, greet people and so on."

"I am very thankful for her, she was the reason I was able to finally connect with the family."

"She taught me many things, especially how fulfilling a family can be if I were to just speak up and involve myself."

"Don’t pressure her to be a part of anything, but when the opportunity arises, definitely engage."

"I truly hope this helps, and I feel for both you and her."

"You shouldn’t have to feel awkward in your own home, and she likely feels misplaced."

"In a way though, it seems she finds more comfort in your home than her own."

"I wonder why, it wouldn’t hurt to ask, especially because they are at the age where they need to start contributing more."

"She could also feel you dislike her or blame her for any decisions your son might make."

"If she’s conflict avoidant, she could also likely be trying to stay out of your way and remain invisible."- ZyrtecGobblr9000

"If it bothers you that much I’d just make it a point to acknowledge her when she walks in the house."

"Even I (as a very shy person) would definitely say a greeting in return, and over time it’ll become a habit."- Exotic-Pop-8539

"She may not have had any proper guidance growing up."

"Talk to her, give her the code of etiquette you have in your home."

"Your roof."

"Your rules."- Hardwood_floorpro

The OP later returned with an update, clarifying specific elements that seemed to confuse the Reddit community the most:

"Stepson chooses to do every other week."

"It’s his choice, and we respect that."

"His parents split when he was 3, and I came into his life at 6."

"We have a great relationship."

"The car wash thing … wow so divisive!"

"We’re not trying to control her, just trying to teach stepson and her to take care of their stuff."

"Why spend thousands on something only to let it get ruined from lack of care?"

Not everyone is at ease with engaging with other people.

Indeed, some people's social anxiety is so severe, even making eye contact feels like an insurmountable challenge.

Even so, when you are essentially making someone's house your home away from home, the least you can do is make an effort.

Which might be something the OP and her husband need to help their stepson's girlfriend overcome.