The holiday season is in full swing.
Everyone is preparing for big gatherings.
But not every person can make it to those gatherings.
And neglecting to ask someone to join the festivities (no matter the reason) can cause a lot of family drama.
Case in point…
Redditor Prize-Ad3917 to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for asking my fiance to skip this year’s Christmas family vacation because our baby is due?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Context: I have gone to Florida with his family (my fiancé) for the past five years for at least part of Christmas.”
“Every other year, I returned before him to spend Christmas day with my family.”
“This year is the first time in a long time that all the other siblings are able to overlap dates.”
“My fiancé has major F[ear] O[f] M[issing] O[ut] which is why this is a sensitive subject.”
“His parents have always been weird about keeping their family close.”
“They’ve never said it outright but little things suggest they don’t consider me completely part of their family yet since we aren’t married.”
“Also, my parents are away overseas dealing with a grandparent emergency.”
“My mom has been kept in the loop, though, and is trying to come back as soon as she can.”
“My fiancé and I (31 M[ale] and 31 F[emale]) are expecting our first baby due December 30th.”
“His family has a vacation home in Florida, and they have gone every year during the holidays for about a month until after New Year’s.”
“He agreed not to go this year because of the baby, but his family is insisting that he go and come back on the 28th, which is ‘ample time before the baby is due.'”
“So he bought a ticket for December 15th-28th.”
“His reasoning is that his parents really want him there, and his siblings will also be going.”
“This is bothering me a lot more than I thought because I know pregnancies are unpredictable, especially in the last trimester, and if anything happens leading up to the due date, I need him there.”
“My parents are away until December 26th, and my friends have their families, so I will be completely alone.”
“The other reason… and I guess it’s more selfish is that I will be spending Christmas by myself.”
“It’s not the main reason why I’m bothered but it’s a small part of it.”
“He’s been spending Christmas every year in Florida since he was 15, and there will be many more trips after the baby is born.”
“I don’t know why he has to go THIS YEAR.”
“Any time I bring it up, it results in a very uncomfortable fight about my expectations to put me first rather than his parents.”
“I don’t even bring it up anymore.”
“His parents have always been kind to me, but they also don’t see any problem, so I think I’m going crazy?”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA- Your husband is a fool if he goes.”
“This is your first baby, you do not know if the baby will be here early, on time, or late.”
“His family is you and the baby.”
“If his family can’t see that, that’s another issue.”
“None of them have a crystal ball and know when that baby is coming.”
“Personally, I would also be pointing out how quickly things can go wrong for Mum or Bubs during labor.”
“I am actually disgusted with him for thinking it is okay to leave his vulnerable wife during that time.”
“You just don’t know what’s going to happen.”
“And what’s with not wanting to spend Christmas with you?”
“Leaving you completely alone. Not cool.”
“I am furious for you.”
“Where are you?”
“I will come and take care of you.” ~ GoodRepresentative33
“If that baby shows up on the 25th like a Christmas miracle, and she has to go it alone, that resentment will weigh heavily for a long time.”
“I know the Reddit experience isn’t necessarily universal, but I’ve seen a number of stories where the husband failed to support or protect his partner while giving birth or directly afterward, allowing random visitors or boundary-crossing relatives, not being home in time for a birth.”
“It’s a crisis couples’ counseling level of betrayal.”
“It casts a huge shadow over what should be a really blissful and meaningful experience (despite the pain & mess) because giving birth is a vulnerable position to be in.”
“Not having your partner there in the time you need them most makes you see them and the relationship differently.” ~ gettinridofbritta
“Exactly this. I wouldn’t even give him the opportunity to change his mind.”
“He has made his priorities VERY clear, and it is not his pregnant fiancé.”
“If OP gave him an ultimatum and he did end up staying with her, he would *itch and complain the whole time, be pouty and whingy, and, if the baby was born on or after its due date of 30 December, he would get all uppity and say ‘See, I could have gone as planned!’ not just once or twice, but for the rest of his life.”
“Also, OP, is there an expectation that your little family will spend a month every year, including every single Christmas, in Florida with your I[n] L[aw]s?”
“Does your family ever get to share Christmas with you? “
“This will also mean that your ILs also get every birthday with your child, while your family gets none.”
“Nope. They are awful, and your child’s father is a terrible partner.”
“Let him go, change the locks, and have custody papers drawn up while he’s away.”
“Good luck with your birth.” ~ BuzzyLightyear100
“Yep yep yep! Maybe, if he asked her about this ridiculous idea and immediately dropped it when she questioned it, I’d think he was just an idiot, but if he banks down, he’s going to be big about it.”
“I also had the question about every Christmas moving forward.”
“Like, when you have a partner, but especially when you have kids, your original family traditions aren’t always going to work, at least not every time.”
“If he can’t even miss this time, he’s not going to be taking Christmases, I turn, so OP is stuck with this horrible family who don’t care that she’s going to be 39 weeks pregnant, alone at Christmas.” ~ haleorshine
“This is absolutely a dealbreaker for me, and the relationship would not recover.”
“That baby can come anytime, and his family knows that even better than B[oy]F[riend] if it’s his first child.”
“So on top of BF being a selfish idiot, you have family who will gaslight and subvert the relationship at any opportunity. No thank you.”
“Take your baby and run.” ~ jane-erstwhile
“OP mentions that her partner’s parents don’t consider her to even be part of the family.”
“I suspect that they consider her an annoying little problem that they would rather have quietly go away, so they can properly enjoy their time together with their son.”
“OP really should reconsider things.”
“This is a symptom of a greater issue, and unfortunately, she’s going to be stuck with a child from this guy.” ~ Crafty_Original_7349
“Are you kidding me?”
“They are all leaving a pregnant woman alone… on the holidays… at the absolute end of her pregnancy???”
“This is not appropriate behavior for your FIANCÉ. Your PARTNER.”
“The father of this child. NTA.” ~ loverlyone
“It’s not appropriate behavior from his family, either.”
“They are purposely excluding their son’s partner.”
“She happens to be pregnant, but even if she weren’t, they are all okay with leaving her alone for Christmas with no family.”
“The fact that OP’s fiancé is going along with it is a huge issue.”
“The fact that he’s arguing about it when he has to know on some level it’s totally wrong says everything we need to know about this guy.”
“The minute OP said she wanted his support, that conversation should have been over.”
“STRIKE ONE, TWO, & THREE. You’re out!”
“OP shouldn’t marry into this family.”
“They’re all horrible. NTA.”
“If it were me, I’d gather my things and leave while he’s gone.” ~ CPSue
“Your fiancé is putting his personal happiness as a priority over you and your baby.”
“This is what he’s going to continue to do for years to come, despite you and your baby becoming his primary family because he will always put his parents first.”
“This man is not ready to raise a child because he’s still acting like a one with how dependent he is on mommy and daddy.”
“He’s not husband material either. NTA.” ~ jasperjamboree
“Only a complete a**hole would do this.”
“He is not ready to be either a father or a husband.”
“You not bringing it up anymore means he has won in wearing you down.”
“I would be extremely clear that you do not appreciate being abandoned for Christmas and for your final days before birth, a time when he should be catering to you, not his family.”
“I would also be clear that you will not be answering any texts or calls while he’s gone because he doesn’t deserve any information.”
“Then make a plan in case you go into labor and a long-term plan for the rest of your life.”
“For me, there would be no recovery from this.”
“I’m sure your friends will be there for you if you let them know what is happening. Good luck.” ~ Spiritual_Basil7665
OP came back with a response…
“Wow, I wasn’t expecting this many responses, and I can’t personally thank all of you, but THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH.”
“All your support and responses mean a lot, and I definitely plan on showing this thread to him.”
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You don’t deserve to be alone on Christmas and so close to your due date.
It sounds like some couple’s therapy or a mediator may be in order.
You do what’s best for you and your baby’s health.
Good luck and Merry Christmas.