A joke is only a joke if everyone is laughing. Full stop.
But some people put pranks and jokes before everything else, including anyone else’s feelings, side-eyed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
A Redditor, who has since deleted her account, was in a long-term relationship that she loved when she received a text message from her boyfriend saying that they were over. Since they’d been planning to move in together soon, she believed it might have been too much too fast for him.
But when she found out the truth behind the breakup, the Original Poster (OP) was more hurt than ever.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for how I reacted when my boyfriend prank broke up with me?”
The OP received an unexpectedly hurtful text from her long-term boyfriend.
“My boyfriend (37 Male) and I (38 Female) have been together for three years and have been planning on moving in together before the summer.”
“Everything was amazing and I have been so excited.”
“He was visiting his family over Easter and we kept the usual contact and I love you/I miss you talk.”
“Then he texted me that he had been having cold feet and that he wasn’t sure about us and it was over.”
“I called him immediately and he said the same things.”
“I told him we could talk when he got home, but he said it was no use.”
“I texted him later that we should talk about it when he got back home so we could talk face-to-face.”
“He wrote, ‘I am sorry for hurting you, but it is over.'”
“This seemed very final to me, so I wrote, ‘I understand. Good luck to you.'”
“Then I haven’t tried to contact him.”
But it turned out the conversation wasn’t what it seemed to be.
“A few days later, he called and I didn’t answer. Then he texted me to pick up, but I didn’t.”
“He came home yesterday and immediately went to my apartment, and he was so angry.”
“He explained to me that it was a joke, but he was hurt over how indifferent I acted and how I gave up so easily.”
“He yelled some more and then left.”
This made the breakup even worse for the OP.
“I am very heartbroken now.”
“I really thought he got cold feet about moving in together, because both of us are very independent and we were joking about how we would co-live. So when he said he got cold feet, I believed him.”
“I was in a lot of pain but what did he expect me to do? Beg?”
“I just believed him and acted accordingly, but he thinks even if it was true, I should have been more devastated that a beautiful relationship of three years had ended and that it deserved better than my ‘Okay, good luck’ text.”
“He thinks I didn’t fight enough for the relationship and has officially broken up with me because of it.”
“His prank went for DAYS. He said he wanted to see how long I went before talking to him. I was crying every day during these days. This is how much I actually cared because I do care about people I love.”
“I would never have put him in this pain because I don’t even want to hurt people I don’t love let alone those I love.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some argued that the OP’s ex didn’t take the relationship seriously enough to not prank her.
“NTA. There is a saying, ‘Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.’ What did he want you to do? Cry and beg him? Lose all your dignity and self-respect?”
“He’s a piece of s**t, and you dodged a bullet if that’s what he considers a ‘prank.'” – ThisEnvironment6627
“Both his initial ‘prank,’ which was cruel, manipulative, and dishonest, and his response to your reaction to the prank, are huge red flags.”
“Don’t be tricked into going on the defensive about your reaction when he has not even acknowledged and genuinely apologized for both the prank and his response to your reaction… and begged for your forgiveness.” – Enough_Island4615
“The OP said, ‘He was hurt over how indifferent I acted.'”
“But no, he was sad that his malicious act didn’t cause you a lot of pain.”
“NTA, but do future you a favor and block this sentient w**k-sock.” – DeviousWhippet
“It took this guy several DAYS, not hours, to get back to her to let her know it was a prank. If that was the case, it sounds more like he was trying to hook up with someone from his hometown, so he wanted to be single to make that happen, and when it probably didn’t work out in his favor for him, he tried to back-peddle and said the breakup was a prank.”
“Breaking up with someone is NEVER a funny prank. I don’t care if you correct it in a few seconds. It’s so freaking cruel. ESPECIALLY at 37. The ONLY time I had that prank pulled on me was in high school and I didn’t laugh then. Nor would I laugh now.” – Unclean-Sympathy
“Even if it WAS an actual joke (it wasn’t), that’s not the sort of person you want to spend your life with.”
“He’s old enough at 37 to know better. The fact that he doesn’t? Well, in that case, well done, you just dodged a bullet. When someone tells you who they are, believe them.”
“Walk away, and build a life without him. NTA to the ends of the earth, OP.” – goblinaf
Others agreed and reassured the OP that she was better off without him.
“I’m really sorry, but this shows a lack of caring for your feelings and immaturity. Unfortunately, long-term, this behavior shows you would have some real problems.”
“I would never purposely cause pain or ‘test’ someone I love. This shows you what his love really is. Take care, dear.” – OhbrotheR66
“My ex broke up with me over text and I reacted similarly to OP. A few days later, I noticed he posted on Facebook something about how ‘you have to prove your feelings for me because I don’t go for lukewarm love’ or whatever, clearly indirectly addressing my response to him breaking up with me.”
“Sorry, but you’re a 40-year-old man and you should know better than to expect a woman to cry and beg at your feet for you. I did that s**t before, and I’m never doing it again. We’re adults, so act mature. OP, your ex was immature as f**k, also almost 40 and much too old to not know better, and you deserve so much more.” – CollectingRainbows
“After 14 years of marriage, my ex decided that he HAD to HAVE a divorce. He refused to explain why. So we divorced.”
“We had moved to a different state earlier for his new job, so I was still looking for a job. He was still adamant about the divorce, so part of the agreement was that I could stay in our marital home until the end of the year or I found a permanent job.”
“Well, I got an apartment and was moving out in December when he came up with this gem: ‘Oh, I thought we would remarry at the end of the year. I just wanted to see what it was like to be single.'”
“Well, he got his wish, he got to be single. We have been divorced for nearly 33 years now.”
“Men really need to stop with these pranks and stupid wish-fulfillment schemes. Just get some balls and be honest about what you want. Maybe you can have your s**ts-and-giggles cake without blowing up your entire relationship. Women like the OP and I are not going to wait around for you to figure it out.” – MamaMia5668
“Like many others, I’m overjoyed you have a backbone and self-worth. So many posters accept such terrible treatment, it’s difficult to fathom how they manage in life.”
“I’m sure you’re hurting, but you dodged a bullet, big time. The sadness at the end of this relationship will pass.” – ChocChipBananaMuffin
“Don’t take him back. This isn’t a joke, it’s emotional abuse. You’re so much better than him.” – TroublesomeTurnip
After receiving thousands of supportive comments, the OP shared a brief update.
“It’s been two hours, and I can’t stop crying because of all the support. Thank you.”
“I really didn’t expect so much support from total strangers. It made me feel better about my situation.”
“I love him and I am so sad that he chose this way to make our relationship end. But there’s no way back. I won’t take him back.”
The subReddit was a combination of furious and deeply sad for the OP after she went through the heartbreak of thinking she was being broken up with, then the hurt of realizing she had been pranked, and then going through the actual breakup, effectively ending a “beautiful” three-year relationship.
Hopefully, the OP would take some time to heal from this and then find someone who loved her enough and took their relationship seriously enough to never turn it into such a hurtful joke.