The birthing experience is an event fraught with emotion and stress.
Yes, the miracle of life is beautiful.
The delivery of said life... not so glamorous.
And it can also be dangerous.
That's why it's important to try and keep the one birthing the baby as calm as possible.
So many people miss that memo.
Redditor Commercial-Grand-552 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
"AITA for kicking my baby's father out of the hospital room?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (19 F[emale]) just had a baby 1 day ago."
"His father (21 M[ale]) and I have not been together since November due to him cheating."
"He's had a couple of other girlfriends since then and is still with one of them currently, but he still did go to most of my appointments with me."
"Two days ago when I went into labor I called him, he came to pick me up to bring me to the hospital and he had his entire TV and playstation in the backseat, with no car seat for the baby."
"I told him he is not bringing that to the hospital and he told me if I want him to be there for our son's birth he needs something to do to pass the time."
"We argued about it almost the entire ride to the hospital, but he ended up not bringing it in."
"I was only in labor for about 2 hours before I gave birth; he was there the entire time."
"A couple of hours after I gave birth, my dad and sister came to visit, and he left as the hospital has a 2 visitor-only rule."
"I told him while they're here visiting for him to go bring his TV back home and install the car seat so when they discharge us we will be all set."
"After a few hours, my family leaves, and I text him to tell him he is welcome to come back if he would like."
"Around 20 minutes later he's walking back into my room, carrying his TV."
"We start arguing about how I already told him he is not having that in my room, and he starts yelling at me, saying that I don't make the rules and that I should be grateful that he wants to be there for our son."
"But instead, I'm trying to make him miserable."
"I told him he can either bring the TV back to his car or he can leave, he said he has a right to spend time with his son."
"I called my nurse into the room and told her I wanted him to leave, so they ended up kicking him out."
"He yelled at me the entire time he was leaving, saying that I'm kicking him out of his son's life and that he will be going to court for custody."
"He has texted me since saying that I'm taking his rights away from him and there are no rules that he couldn't bring his own TV and game system while he spends time at the hospital."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA for making him choose between the TV or leaving?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA - I am without words to describe his immaturity."
"Bringing his video game set up into the recovery room is beyond stupidity, and you were right to throw him out."
"He's selfish and honestly, just tag him for child support and supervised visits only." ~ vt2022cam
"NTA. His reasoning is also beyond stupid."
"How exactly is he going to 'spend time with his [newborn] son' while also playing video games??" ~ Blonde-Engineer-3
"No way a dude like that has any sort of decent job, so no use going for child support."
"Just leave him be, he's probably too lazy to actually take you to court— so enjoy your son and leave baby daddy out of it. NTA." ~ Wish_Many
"And OP needs to rest and recover, not listen to the bleep-bleeps, pow-pows, and other noises coming from her ex's gaming system."
"Plus, gamers tend to loudly exclaim over every little thing that happens."
"He'd probably disturb the whole maternity ward." ~ BaitedBreaths
"We brought all the Star Wars movies for my first."
"We thought we would be there a long time, but my labor was quick."
"The doctor who gave me my epidural kept finding excuses to check on me so he could watch the movies with us."
"A video game is going to be loud."
"I hear my boys playing rooms away."
"That isn't a good situation for a sleeping baby. NTA."
"Get someone else to take you home." ~ Topazz-1701
"I wish I had brought a video game console!"
"I was in labor a long time, and all I could watch was House Hunters and other stuff on HGTV."
"I had a book, a good one I saved for labor, but I couldn't concentrate on it or on any complicated TV."
"So it was HGTV."
"My husband also saved a book for labor, but he was able to concentrate better than I could."
"HE wasn't in pain and didn't have an IV pushing fluids into him, so he wasn't waddling to the toilet every half hour."
"So much fun, with my a** hanging out of the gown and wires coming out of my hoo-ha." ~ BluePencils212
"NTA. YOU are the patient here, you get to choose who can be in your room or not."
"He doesn't get to make it cozy for him and bring entertainment: his hobby right now is taking care of his newborn." ~ IrrelevantManatee
"Agree! NTA- and the fact that he said 'You had no right to…' when hospital staff and security made it really clear that you did have a right to kick him out just says that he'll be constantly telling you false versions of what you 'can' and 'cannot' do."
"You don't need that drama!" ~ Pretzals-and-stuff
"The fact he still brought in his TV and PlayStation and tried to make it about himself and his video games after you said no is enough evidence that this is NOT someone you want in your child's life. NTA." ~ daniell321
"Not gonna lie... if I was giving birth, I might like to play some video games, but the f**king audacity of occupying space in the hospital room where someone has just given birth to your child while not only not helping them, nor spending time with the child but being obsessed with how YOUR gonna be entertained?"
"No. NTA."
"Bring a book and a bookmark cuz you're gonna need to put it down a lot to help the patient to the bathroom." ~ Kitastrophe8503
"NTA. He can't respect your requests after giving birth to his child."
"Also I would be concerned if he thinks spending time with his kid is playing on a gaming system." ~ weddingwoes13
"NTA. Speak only through a designated parenting app from now on, even after custody and child support details either mediated or court-ordered."
"If you're feeling petty you could ask how he thinks playing video games would count toward spending time with his new son." ~ Left_Adhesiveness_16
"NTA. Here's a fun short story for you."
"I went to a friend's birth, she wanted me to film it for herself and her family."
"The baby's father sat in the chair THE WHOLE TIME back towards her playing video games."
"I was very pissed at him, I still find it disgusting and immature, he was in his 30s."
"Do not let him in that child's life; he is not mature enough for it." ~ the-satanica
"Nope, NTA. If he wants to be involved with your son, he needs to pay attention to your son."
"A hospital is a place of quiet."
"Playing video games is generally not a quiet pastime."
"Contact an attorney to set up custody and child support agreements."
"In my state, Oregon, all I had to do was contact the District Attorney's office."
"Their child support enforcement group will work with you to get everything done." ~ Fearless_Ad1685
"NTA. It's absolutely mind-boggling that anyone would think it's okay to turn a delivery room into their personal gaming station instead of being present for such a monumental time."
"Good riddance and good luck with all the legal stuff."
"Holding firm on your boundaries now sets the stage for the future, and it's clear your top priority is the well-being of your child."
"Stick to your guns, and definitely make sure all this is well-documented for any future custody discussions." ~ Lakita_Blish
"NTA... no means no, plus he should prioritize his child's safety over a game console." ~ WaferAdventurous8853
"I cannot believe that he brought the entire set up to the hospital room - did he think he was going to sit there like it's his loungeroom and play games?"
"Sets the precedent for how 'present' he will be in your child's life, doesn't it?"
"I hope he takes that to his lawyer - 'I showed up at the hospital with my gaming set up and was told to leave.'"
"'No I didn't bring a baby seat as requested to take my child home.'"
"'There was no room coz I took my TV, and it took up all the space.'"
"'Yeah but I'm mad that I don't get to spend time with my child… Good luck, buddy." ~ Lishyjune
"Pretty damn funny."
"It's your hospital room."
"You sure as hell make the rules as to who is going to be in the room."
"Guess the nurse taught him that lesson."
"My condolences to you."
"You're in for a rough ride trying to co-parent with someone who acts this entitled and selfishly. NTA." ~ Dana07620
"I could kinda understand someone throwing a handheld like the Switch in their bag just in case, but a whole-a** TV and PlayStation is ridiculous."
"Play something on your phone if there's that much downtime. NTA." ~ knitlikeaboss
"NTA. This guy sucks."
"I'm sorry you're going to have to deal with him for at least the next 18 years." ~ evadhud
Well, OP, Reddit is with you. This sounds like it's going to be a rough situation going forward.
You had just given BIRTH and needed your rest.
Talk to a lawyer as soon as possible.
Congratulations on your son.
Good luck.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.