Summer vacations and family trips are all fun and games during the planning stages when you decide where you will go and what you would like to do.
But when you realize there are people coming on the trip who did not bring enough money to cover their portion, the fun can quickly drain away, cringed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor mazymayes was the member of the family with a good-paying job, positive money saving habits, and no children, so an annual trip was workable for her.
But when her family expected her to help cover the expenses of her brother, sister-in-law, and three nieces and nephews “so they wouldn’t feel left out,” the Original Poster (OP) decided it wasn’t worth going on the trip anymore.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to go on the family vacation because I’m tired of always covering the extra costs?”
The OP and her brother had very different relationships with money.
“This happened last week, and my phone’s been blowing up ever since.”
“I (34 Female) have always been the ‘responsible one’ in my family. I have a good job, no kids, and I save my money.”
“My younger brother (31 Male) and his wife (29 Female) have three kids and are constantly broke. My mom says it’s ‘just a phase,’ but it’s been like this for years.”
Every year for the family vacation, the OP had to cover more than her share.
“Every summer, we do this family vacation to the beach, usually a rental house that we all split. Except I always end up covering more than my share.”
“Last year, my brother said he couldn’t afford his part until ‘after the trip,’ and surprise surprise, he never paid me back. I also paid for the groceries, gas, and even his kids’ amusement park tickets because ‘they didn’t wanna feel left out.'”
“My mom said I was being selfish when I brought up wanting to be paid back.”
For the next family vacation, the OP refused to even go.
“So this year, when the group chat started planning again, I said I’m out.”
“I told them I’m not going, and if they can’t afford the trip without me footing half the bill, maybe they shouldn’t go, either.”
“Now everyone’s p**sed. My mom said I’m ‘punishing the kids,’ and my brother called me cold-hearted.”
“Even my cousin, who usually stays out of it, said I could at least come and ‘just not pay for extra stuff.'”
“I’m tired. I feel like if I go, I’m enabling this. But now I’m wondering if I went too far.”
“AITAH for saying no?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she was right to skip the trip.
“DO NOT SHARE YOUR FINANCES WITH YOUR FAMILY. It seems that the responsible one now becomes the ATM for the others. I’ve come to loathe the line ‘family helps family.'”
“The only thing I’d ever do for them is hire a financial planner to help teach them to live within their means.” – mca2021
“You’re not a bank for your family. It’s completely fair to say no when you’re the only one consistently covering extra costs. It’s not selfish to want to protect your finances and set boundaries.” – janebab
“You aren’t the backup plan. You are the plan. Keep all your money. No more sharing. For any reason. They can live within their means. I spent plenty of years not going on vacation because I couldn’t afford it.”
“I would never ask someone to cover. I went to Vegas once because my friend invited me, and she had so many perks that almost everything was free. That’s the only reason I went. I wouldn’t have gone if she had had to pay. I will never understand the entitlement.” – amlpkg1966
“Coming from a Latino family, this is really familiar.”
“My wife’s family takes it to the next level. If you are doing okay, and it’s your responsibility to hand out money to everyone else. If you don’t hand out your hard-earned money, your family won’t even talk to you on the phone. If you bring it up that they should look for a job, you’re cheap and stingy.”
“If this happens in a lot of families, I wonder if people subconsciously resist working towards a high-paying job, knowing they’ll have to pay the family tax.” – Jarrus__Kanan_Jarrus
“OP… NTA.”
“With what you save, not funding them, you could afford a beach vacation to Hawaii for yourself.”
“Tell them that you looked at what you paid last year and realized you could go on a trip to somewhere you want to go for that much money, so you decided to do that. You will be staying on Waikiki Beach and going to see the volcano erupt.” – LvBorzoi
Others agreed and pointed out that the family had taken advantage long enough.
“NTA. Keep your foot down and stop being their ATM. You said it best: if they can’t afford it, don’t go!” – Advanced-Pear-8988
“You’re not the backup plan. Your funding their holidays is their Plan A.”
“They never had a backup plan because they always expected to be able to mooch off you, and now they’re panicking because their funding has just disappeared.” – WeOncewereWorriers
“They didn’t pay you back for last year, and they are ready to put their hands in your pocket again… Nope. Go somewhere else that week and enjoy not sponsoring their holiday.” – Pretty-Surround-2909
“Ugh. I’ve had family members like this. Went camping and they showed up with no food or anything. All the food we brought for three days was gone the next day, and when we asked them to pitch in to go into town to the grocery store, they suddenly had to work that night and took off.”
“Next time they invited us camping, saying that they were gonna go to a lake and that we were welcome to join.”
“We declined. They didn’t end up going.”
“Stick to your guns, OP. You don’t owe them your hard-earned money because they don’t know how to be financially responsible. NTA.” – _A-Q
“She is their whole plan. The plan. Their only plan. If you don’t go, then OP’s brother and his family can’t go. And if their mom thinks OP is so selfish, then she can pay for her own son and grandkids.”
“They have all year to save for this trip, but of course they don’t save because OP is going to pay their way, so why should they?”
“I understand things are tight, but honestly, let’s pretend they get paid weekly. If they saved even just $20 a week for a year, they would have d**n near $1,000. But they won’t even do that because, again, why should they when they have always had OP? I know people like this, and it p**ses me off.”
“OP, plan your own beach trip by yourself or with a good friend and have fun without being the family ATM. NTA.” – Frequent_Couple5498
Some were also infuriated on the OP’s behalf as a child-free individual.
“It annoys the h**l out of me when families take advantage of the childless family members because ‘they don’t have kids to pay for.'”
“They CHOSE to have kids. Not your problem, they don’t have enough money. And I say this as someone with kids, I could NEVER expect someone to pay for me.” – helpmeimstuckinatree
“This is what I dealt with when it came to one of my siblings. They ‘never’ wanted kids, had multiple, then complain how I don’t understand ‘what tired is’ as they took advantage of me babysitting, and that I didn’t understand what ‘broke’ is as they blew their money going out with their friends.”
“I love my niblings, but my sibling was asking me over to watch them ‘just two hours,’ so they could go grocery shopping, they stay out eight to ten hours, No groceries, and I find out they were out with their friends, made me miss work, and think I was overreacting.” – NoFlounder1566
“I’m glad you stood up for yourself. You can’t afford to keep doing it. You need to save for your retirement and other expenses.” – Key_Draft4255
“Definitely don’t go! You know d**n well that you’ll be getting pressured into paying again the instant you show up. Mom is desperate not to end up on the hook herself. That’s why she’s chiming in.”
“And OP, both of them are weaponizing the kids. Mom is doing it, too, to try to make you feel guilty. It’s time to just shut off the money spigot and send them cards for birthdays and Christmas. You’ve paid ahead until possibly graduation.” – Salty_Interview_5311
“NTA! Kids are indeed a phase, one that lasts 18 years at least, and that is just looking at the financial part. But the good news is: you can plan this phase, budget it, and save for it.”
“OK, things happen, and if the family just unexpectedly lost their jobs or had another disaster (with financial consequences) strike, then it is another matter, and personally, in that case, I would chip in on the vacation, but not as a rule. Certainly not after ‘forgetting’ a promise to pay back.” – MaineKlutz
“You’re not the backup plan. You are the plan. Without you, there is no holiday, no fun stuff, no extras, because they can’t afford it.”
“A holiday doesn’t get booked in a week or a month. It takes time to plan and find the right time and place, so why are they not saving for this? It’s also a yearly thing, so not a shock when it comes around (like birthdays and Christmas).”
“You’ve had ‘welcome’ stamped on you by them for years. Now you’ve decided to stop being the doormat, and they’re not happy. Tough. Build a bridge and get over it. OP book yourself a holiday and enjoy it.” – Many_Job338
The subReddit could not stop shaking its collective head at the situation that the OP found herself in, and they applauded her for standing up for herself and refusing to continue funding a trip that wasn’t even really for her. If the parents wanted to go on this trip, they needed to do a better job of planning and budgeting for the whole family, not depending on a “fun aunt” to cover the cost.