For many people, the best part of the day is the gym.
Whether to blow off steam by pumping iron or the treadmill, catching up with friends to socialize at the smoothie bar, or simply to relax in the steam room or sauna.
Of course, some people look forward to the steam room or sauna for somewhat more indulgent reasons.
Frequently catching unsuspecting gym goers by surprise.
Redditor ActuallyBoring recently had one of those awkward steam room encounters.
Something the original poster (OP) didn't think much of, even laughing about it to a gym attendant.
Unfortunately, one of the people he caught in flagrante failed to find the humor in the situation.
Having some doubts about his behavior, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for accidentally outing the gay guy in my gym?"
The OP explained how he found himself at odds with a fellow gym goer:
"So, I joined a new gym last month."
"The gym has all the extra facilities- pool, steam room, ice bath, etc."
"The steam room only runs 3 days a week, and men and women have separate rooms."
"You also have to inform the manager beforehand if you want to use the facilities."
"The other night around 10 PM, I finished my workout and asked the manager to let me access the steam area."
"He told me the steam room was already running and that two guys were inside."
"I don’t really have an issue with nudity, and usually people in steam rooms just cover themselves with a towel."
"But when I went inside, I realized the two dudes were fully making out..."
"I felt uncomfortable and decided to leave."
"As I exited, the manager asked me why I came out so early."
"Jokingly, I said, 'Let those two have their moment, I’ll take steam some other day'.”
"The next day at the gym, one of the two guys confronted me and said I had outed his sexuality and turned him into a laughing stock at the gym because the guy is heavily into manosphere/alpha-male culture, and apparently his 'alpha squad' has been making fun of him since then."
"He told me he now has to leave the gym (which is the best one in the area) because I blabbed it to the manager."
"The other guy, meanwhile, was pretty chill about it and even apologized for things getting out of hand in the steam room and for not realizing I had walked in."
"So, Reddit am I the a**hole for outing their sexuality at the gym?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that OP was not the a**Hole for accidentally outing a gym goer.
Everyone agreed that if this man didn't want to keep his homosexuality a secret, then he probably shouldn't have made out with another man in a gym sauna:
"Pretty sure he outed himself by getting it on with a dude in a place where he had no reasonable expectation of aloneness."
"NTA."- cyanderella
"NTA, you handled that quite subtly."
"I also want to add that it's not your fault this guy hates himself to the point of going full manosphere while gay."- fuzzy3158
"NTA."
"Firstly, if you’re engaging in sexual acts in a public place, you run the risk of getting discovered."
"Secondly, if you see two people going at it in public, you have to infer that they are already out in the open, as it were."- No_Control8031
"NTA, honestly the guy is lucky that the manager didn't ban him from the gym for fooling around in the steam room."
"It's not your fault that the first guy is in the closest & dealing with his own internalized homophobia & masculinity issues, he has his own issues & he's mad that *his own actions* outted him & is just looking for someone to blame."- Skullgirrl
"NTA."
"In most circumstances, outing someone would make you an AH."
"But if they're fooling around like that in a public area, it's absolutely reasonable to assume that they're out."
"Dudebro is the one who messed up if he wanted to keep it a secret."- ColdAndGrumpy
"NTA."
"If he didn't want his sexuality outed, he shouldn't have been fooling around in a public place."
"If anyone needs to leave, it's him, he's the one with the problem with his sexuality."- Crazy_Singer7711
"NTA."
"You didn’t out their sexuality."
"They chose to start gettin’ it on in a public place where anyone could walk in."
"Sounds like they were getting into territory where they were violating public indecency laws."
"You were right to alert the manager to the fact that they were performing private acts that require consent where anyone could end up seeing it."
"That kind of risk-taking exhibitionism has repercussions; if you don’t want to suffer them, all you’ve got to do is behave appropriately."- KaliTheBlaze
"If it was so important to keep secret, why tf would they do that in public?"
"Their own fault."
"NTA."- Stratford-upon-avon
"NTA."
"Dude shouldn't be cruising if he didn't want others to find out."- MoonlitRyverStyx
"NTA."
"Guy was in public."
"What did think was going to happen when anyone could have walked in?"- Zokathra_Spell
"NTA."
"You could’ve made a way bigger stink and gotten them kicked out of the room, but you didn’t."- Adventurous-Time5287
"I just wanted to say 'alpha squad' is the dumbest, corniest thing I’ve heard."
"It’s 2026. People are allowed to be gay."
"Even gym bros."
"NTA."- balalasaurus
"NTA."
"They're in a public space where literally anyone could've walked in."
"Also, no, you're not the a-hole for making a joke because once more, they're in public, and the manager could've walked in himself."
"Also, if his friend group knows either that the manager told them, he's lying, or something, because how the hell would they know?"
"If the manager told people, he and the guy were literally getting it on in public."
"ATAH."- Additional-Potato195
"NTA."
"Usually the rule is you don't out people."
"In this case they were publicly having sex, so he outed himself."- tiggergirluk76
"NTA."
"If you don't want your activities made public, maybe don't do them in public."- Sparky_Zell
"NTA."
"Exhibitionists don't get taken seriously when they complain about people knowing their business."- Throwawa876543
"NTA."
"Dude was making out with another dude in a public space."- abgry_krakow87
"NTA."
"You didn’t out the guys."
"The manager did."- LauraLand27
"NTA making out in a public room puts you at risk of the public finding you."
"He could’ve just gone home with the guy and no one would’ve ever found out."
"Especially if he had weird manosphere friends this is entirely on him."- Eyelashestoolong
"NTA."
"You didn't 'out' him, he outed himself."
"If he was concerned about anyone knowing, he shouldn't have been getting nasty with someone in a public place."
"Gay/straight/bi/whatever..."
"What they were doing in there is wrong."
"You don't do sh*t like that at the gym of all places."
"Save that stuff for your houses."- SigSauerPower320
"NTA."
"You didn't out anyone."
"He was comfortable enough to make out with someone in a public use space."
"He outed himself."
"If his friend group is giving a hard time, he should consider limiting his public make out sessions to places his friends don't frequent."
"Or find better friends."
"And I get that they were doing more than just making out, I am covering all of his bases for him."- Snickerdoodle2021
"NTA."
"They outed themselves."- RedRunner04
"NTA."
"It could have been anyone he knew walking into that room."
"I’m sure being outed at your gym doesn’t feel great but then maybe you shouldn’t be doing gay stuff at your gym."- red_dive
"NTA."
"If he didn't want people to know, he shouldn't have been doing it where other people could just walk in."- Juggalo13XIII
The OP later returned with an update, thanking everyone who took the time to comment, and sharing a bit more about the circumstances surrounding the incident:
"I am surprised to see this post blew up. I was not expecting it to get this kind of response."
"First of all, I want to thank all the folks saying I am NTA in this situation, especially people from the LGBTQ community."
"I live in Delhi, India. Delhi is definitely more progressive than many other parts of the country, but it is still not a safe haven for LGBTQ people like parts of America or Europe."
"Homosexuality was a crime in India until just 6 years ago, which is why I struggled so much with the outing part."
Everyone is on their own journey, and not everyone needs to share everything about their personal life.
Nor is it ever ok to intentionally out anyone under any circumstances.
That being said, if you want to keep your sexuality a secret, engaging in sexual acts in a public place is probably not the best idea.
