Empty nesters—parents whose children have left home—often downsize afterward.
Who needs extra bedrooms anymore?
But for people who don’t, those extra rooms can be repurposed into home offices or hobby/craft rooms.
But what happens when they have houseguests?
A father who repurposed the guest room and his daughter’s empty bedroom turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after his daughter came to visit.
LoveAndHappiness75 asked:
“AITA for refusing to let my daughter’s fiancé stay in our guest room because I use it for my hobby?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“So I (49, male) might be in the wrong here, but I honestly don’t think I am, and would love to hear outside perspectives. I’m French, and I grew up in a large family.”
“I learned English when I came to the U.S. when I was eighteen, so I sometimes make mistakes with some words. Sorry for the inconvenience!”
“I often slept on sofa beds, in places that weren’t designed to host guests. There’s also less guest rooms in French houses, generally speaking. I don’t think that there’s a major difference besides that.”
“My daughter (23, female) got engaged recently and came to visit us with her fiancé (24, male). We live a few states away, so I get that traveling is tiring, but we were happy to host for the weekend.”
“Now, I’ve had my guest room set up for my miniature Wargaming for the past few years. It’s my space, where I go to decompress after work, and it’s honestly the only spot in the house that’s fully mine.”
“The hobby ‘took over’ the room quite recently, and the situation of having houseguests didn’t present until now.”
“There are three bedrooms (the shared office was originally one), a large living room, a kitchen, a sunroom, two bathrooms, a basement and a dining room.”
“I have Ankylosing Spondylitis (AS) so I sometimes need to lay down while working on my figures, and the king size bed was already there. We just moved it to the corner of the room recently.”
“My wife has the sunroom, and the rest of the house is kind of communal. I’ve got thousands of dollars of models in there, custom terrain, a 3D printer setup, etc… It’s not just a hobby, it’s an investment, and frankly, a form of art.”
“Anyway, when they arrived, I had the office couch made up for them, pull-out, memory foam, decent blanket, very clean. My daughter seemed fine with it, but her fiancé kind of made a face and later asked why they couldn’t just sleep in the guest room.”
“I told him plainly it wasn’t available because it’s not a guest room anymore. It’s my studio.”
“Later that night, my daughter confronted me privately and said I was being selfish and ridiculous and that it’s just for two nights. She said they felt unwelcome and like I was prioritizing plastic figurines over family.”
“I told her that’s not fair, they have a place to sleep. It’s not like I made them sleep on the floor.”
“Now my wife is giving me the cold shoulder and said I could have just packed it up for a weekend, but again, it’s not like these are toys you throw in a box. Some of them are fragile. Some are half-painted.”
“I don’t want to spend days reorganizing and then undoing all that work just because they didn’t like the sleep setup.”
“They left a day early, and now I’m getting texts from my daughter about how I chose my hobby over her happiness, which just seems dramatic to me.”
“I might be the a**hole because maybe I could’ve moved some stuff around for a few nights, but I really don’t think it’s fair to expect me to dismantle my entire setup just because someone didn’t want to sleep on a perfectly good pull-out.”
“I have a right to my space too, right?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I think I might be an a**hole because I don’t want to strain my relationship with my daughter, and she seems really angry, and she’s often quite right.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors had mixed reactions to the OP’s situation.
“NTA. They had a designated place to sleep. A pullout couch may not be glamorous, but it is a valid sleeping arrangement.”
“Expecting you to dismantle your personal space, even temporarily, shows a lack of respect for boundaries. You offered a solution, they just didn’t like it.”
“Your wife has a sunroom that’s recognized as her space. The guest room is where you unwind and work on your miniatures, it’s yours.”
“In my home, my husband and I each have designated areas. We have two matching ‘c’ shaped desks and chairs on either side of the wall. One side of our room is pink, and the other black.”
“Even though we share everything else, those personal spaces are important for our mental well-being. My side of the room is my safe haven for when I’m anxious or overwhelmed, and his is where he decompresses after a long day.”
“It’s about more than just ‘stuff’, it’s about feeling like you have a corner of the world that’s yours. It’s perfectly fair to want to preserve that, especially when you already made arrangements to accommodate your daughter and her boyfriend.”
“Wanting more comfort doesn’t make them wrong for asking, but getting upset that you didn’t inconvenience yourself further crosses a line.”
“It’s your house. Your space. They had somewhere perfectly fine to sleep.”
“I’d never ask for more, even from my Dad, when visiting when someone has already gone out of the way for me. It’s rude.” ~ Ill_Painting9442
“NAH. I think reasonable people can disagree about who’s right and wrong here.”
“What’s really important is what happens next. This is presumably the first of many visits from your daughter and her partner (and maybe eventually grandchildren).”
“Your daughter, her fiance, and your wife are all annoyed by the room arrangements this trip, and your daughter and her fiance cut their visit short.”
“So how do you want to handle it? If I were you, I’d sit down with your wife and come up with a plan you can both live with to ensure that overnight guests in your home feel comfortable and welcome.” ~ Dazzling_Suspect_239
“YTA. You made them sleep on a pullout couch when there was a perfectly usable king-size bed going unused.”
“My husband is in the middle of painting his first 40k army, so I get it. It can be a lot. But you still need to balance it with your interpersonal connections.”
“You likely just assured that your daughter will deprioritize spending time with you.”
“Be prepared for the fact that she’ll likely spend time with her in-laws over you and your wife on holidays, since you lack the care to make them comfortable. Also be prepared that that fact is going to make your wife resentful of you.”
“I couldn’t imagine putting a hobby before my kids being comfortable.” ~ Hot_Store4097
“NTA. You have a space setup for hobbys, and I know what that looks like as I have a similar hobby, but not the room.”
“Putting everything away when you have hundreds of figures, some of which it sounds like are being painted, along with paints, and a 3D printer … that’s not a small ask.”
“I have been the boyfriend coming over to meet parents. In a house like you have, and actually in general, I would have gotten a hotel room.”
“That way, I could have done a visit and had someplace quiet to go and sleep. It would be showing respect to you, regardless of your house setup.”
“It sounds like this is a case of ‘oh, look at this guy’s silly hobby!’. It’s something that’s pretty common.”
“I have had some relationships with parents with hobbies I don’t share, and I was always polite and didn’t complain. Any time you plan on having a long-term relationship with someone, you would be wise to not complain and be insulting to them.”
“So even though it looks like the consensus is going to be that you should have packed up your stuff and deferred to your future son-in-law’s wishes, I’ll say it: NTA. And next time, have them get a hotel.” ~ cibman
“YTA. The ‘guestroom’ has a king-sized bed that you do let other guests use, and it’s far enough away from your projects that they don’t damage them.”
“And let’s be honest here, you could put away a lot of that for the weekend and drag it out the next week. Those of us who do war gaming or painting models/minis understand there’s always too many projects out at once.”
“It would have been one thing if there was no room in the guestroom, if the bed was small or not present, or if it was in use as a bedroom by someone else (some married couples sleep apart for reasons).”
“If it was really a studio, you’d not have a bed in there, especially a KING-SIZED BED. You’d have a couch (at best for your naps), or some comfy recliners, and the rest should be shelves, table space, and storage.”
“My mom has turned their guestroom into a private office, and the first thing to go was the double bed they had in there, and she replaced it with more storage for her crafts. Now it makes sense that it’s not a place for sleeping because there’s no bed in there at all.”
“But you just didn’t want your private room let out to your daughter and her fiancé. That’s a real d*ck move. Your daughter is correct: you chose your hobby and personal feelings over her happiness and comfort.”
“Look, you have a right to your space, sure, but not when guests come over that you invite to stay the weekend. As a host, you have an obligation to provide them with the best you can, and that includes letting them use your mancave with a king-sized bed instead of a pull-out couch in an office space.”
“You should apologize to both of them.” ~ Kiyohara
“NTA from me, he has thousands of dollars worth of stuff, and it’s not like it takes 5 minutes for him to pack and unpack.”
“Also the fiancé seems rude as hell, no one in this family seems to respect his hobby and his space. What happens if they stay there and stuff gets messed up?”
“What are the chances that the fiancé will own up to it? Figures are delicate, and so is the printer. All it takes is 1 ‘oops,’ and it’s weeks’ worth of hassle/thousands of dollars. NTA.” ~ ImanormalBoi
Maybe a hotel is best.