Parent Asks If It's Wrong To Put 'No Fly Order' On Ex Who Hasn't Paid Child Support In Six Months

No matter how hard people try to stay amicable, sometimes an amicable divorce is just not an option.

Things can get especially difficult when children are involved.

Children and money are two things that can really make divorce dramatic.

Redditor No_Emotion6907 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

They asked:

"WIBTA if I put a no fly order on my ex for child support debt?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"My ex, Sam, and I split 7 years ago."

"There was some abuse, mainly financial and coercive control."

"I was the only working parent when we had children, and also the primary carer."

"Sam was responsible for dropping the children off at daycare and school."

"I carried the mental load with all grocery deliveries, meal planning, paying bills, etc., and had a weekly house cleaner because I didn't have time to do that on top of working and spending time with the kids."

"When we divorced, Sam had to get a job and was earning around the same as me."

"In the last 7 years, Sam has averaged 8% time with the children, at one stage seeing them 13 times in 2 years, by choice."

"In that time, I maintained the children's relationship with the extended family, and traveled with them to Sam's home country to see grandparents and enjoy their culture."

"I have seen the extended family more often and more recently than Sam, both with the children and without, as I also lived in his country with him for a few years and have my own friends and reasons to visit, so I take the kids to see their family for a month most years.

"I now have the children 100%."

"Sam has quit work, isn't paying any child support, and is suing for 50/50 custody."

"Currently, the child support debt is from 6 months of non-payment, at the new rate."

"I technically don't NEED the child support, but we are living frugally, and school fees will have to come from my mortgage redraw without it."

"I COULD apply for a no-travel order, which would mean that Sam has to repay the debt (or Sam's wealthy parents would, as they are currently supporting Sam) before leaving the country, as Sam's family is overseas, and Sam's grandparents are around 100-years-old, that would mean missing their funeral, and the associated necessary cultural elements."

"I would take the children over, and have funds aside for last-minute flights, etc."

The OP was left to wonder:

"WIBTA if I applied for the travel ban, knowing that Sam might miss a funeral?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors weren't definitive with their thoughts, OP WNBTA.

"NTA. Child support is for the children. He needs to pay it." ~ GnomieOk4136

"That seems exactly why, or he wouldn't have spent the last few years hardly seeing his kids."

"He remembers the good years of OP supporting his dumb a**, and his brainiac plan is to get 50/50 so OP will have to pay child support."

"I doubt this mad genius ran this idea past a lawyer to see if it was viable. In some places, he'd be jailed over the lapse in child support, not given any custody." ~ Uninteresting_Vagina

"YWNBTA File for it."

"He sounds like the type of person who would leave just to avoid paying."

"Kids are better off without him being involved." ~ Otherwise-Wall-6950

"Is he going to miss funerals and visiting?"

"Too effing bad."

"Pay the support, and he wouldn't have a problem NTA." ~ DirectAntique

"Dose of straight talk: you are wrong. Based on what you’ve told us, Sam is EXACTLY the sort of person to take his current partner to the funerals and then refuse to let her return home. Hold her passport, keep her in a country where she’s out of place and would struggle to get away from him."

"NTA. Ground his a**."

"Mostly for the children, but also because he deserves it." ~ diadmer

"NTA. Do it. His wealthy parents can continue enabling him by also paying for his child support now, or if/when they want him to fly home for funerals/etc."

"Especially since you’re living frugally, having it would help."

"Don’t also enable him / let him out of his responsibilities; it’s negatively impacting your children." ~ qwertyuiopbloom

"Hear! The frugal part, indeed."

"If you were living a lavish lifestyle, etc., but given the enablement of his parents, it will get resolved quickly for the GPs' funerals if they care about appearances, as I suspect. NTA"

"That said, he probably won’t learn anything, just be more resentful, so just repeat what the 16-year-old said when Sam forgot their birthday." ~ tango421

"NTA. Your children deserve to have support from both parents, even if one has to be court-mandated just to provide funds." ~ Swirlyflurry

"As a child of a mother who didn’t go and get child support asap, YWBTA if you don’t do it."

"It’s child support."

"It’s not for you, and personally, you are obligated to ensure it’s available for your children."

"Sure, you might think you’ll eventually get it, and it might only be a momentary hardship to bridge the gap, but as a parent, this is part of your duty."

"You owe him nothing."

"You owe your children everything."

"Put the order in and make plans to go after it harder."

"It’s irresponsible not to."

"What if something happens and you find yourself low on funds?"

"What if you lose your job?"

"Even if you have answers for these hypotheticals, making sure you receive child support on time is just another duty you do as a parent."

"Like regular doctor check-ups."

"You need to mean business for your children." ~ RedRixen83

"NAH. Have you ever been a child of a parent who didn’t pay child support?"

"That’s the child’s money."

"If the mother doesn’t need it, that’s college money, or apartment money in the future."

"That’s emergency money, what if money."

"That’s accidental hardship, surprise disability, or accident money."

"That’s unforeseen disease or long-term illness money."

"You are depriving your child."

"Unless you are independently wealthy, you need to go after this."

"It’s an obligation."

"The mother has already said they are living frugally, and the money would have to come from her mortgage."

"That is irresponsible not to go after it."

"If the ex is terrible, involve lawyers and mediators." ~ RedRixen83

"I’m saying this as someone whose mother never pursued the back owed child support for fear of my father just fully abandoning me— you need to pursue every legal avenue to get him current in child support."

"There is absolutely no benefit for you not making him accountable for the child he made." ~ Such-Crow-1313

"The responses saying don’t judge people for not going after child support are wild."

"You made children with this person. It’s on you to ensure they do at least 50% of the support, even if you can afford it."

"You are depriving your child."

"My God."

"I’d say let these bad decisions never find me, but this is exactly what my mother did, and I had to claw my way out of poverty." ~ RedRixen83

"NTA not only because he needs to pay the child support, but also because getting the order might help your case in the custody suit."

"He doesn’t really want the kids 50% of the time."

"He just wants a 50/50 agreement so he can pay less." ~ 17Girl4Life

"Do not take the kids out of the country."

"Not even with you!"

"Once you are in Sam's home country, those laws prevail, and since they are also his children, he may be able to prevent them from leaving with you by using his own country's laws."

"If his parents are wealthy, they've got lawyers."

"Do not fly into that trap!"

"NTA on the question." ~ Ordinary-Audience363

"NTA, but why do you care about this man to this extent?"

"He gives no f*cks about the kids HE made with you, why tf are you even considering him in your decisions to get what's owed to your children by the man who created them?"

"You what if you never grew a spine. No better time to start growing one than right now." ~ psaiymia

"NTA - Think of your kids first."

"YWBTA if you don’t file for it!"

"Child support is so the children can have opportunities above and beyond what you’re able to do for them while living frugally."

"I would file and then let him, or his extended family(?) know, so there aren’t any surprises."

"It’s possible they don’t know he’s a deadbeat and not paying his child support. 🤔" ~ seasalt-and-stars

"Clarification: Is this order in effect at all times or only when the children are with him?"

"Either way, NTA, but I can see why making it so that he can’t go to his grandparents’ funeral (because of his own choices) might seem to be petty - assuming the order would stop him from traveling even without the children."

"Even then, NTA."

"He has an obligation to his children."

"It’s not your fault he chose not to fulfill it." ~ Guynith

"NTA. Why should Sam be jet-setting around on his parents' money when he has children and their future to take care of?"

"Also, what court in their right mind would grant 50/50 to a father that has no job, doesn't pay the child support, and doesn't see his kids now, as it is."

"Put a no-fly order on him, and tell his parents to stop bailing him out of trouble, or he will never grow up."~ RelievingFart

Reddit has your back, OP.

Your ex needs to pay up.

No child support, no flying.

Time to be a responsible dad.