Exposing secrets and lies is never easy.
Keeping secrets and lies is even more difficult
So what does one do with a difficult truth?
There is never an easy answer.
Redditor Ashamed_Health5102 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"WIBTAH if I told the husband of my ex husband's mistress about the infedelity?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"As the title says... Back at the end of 2020, beginning of 2021, my husband had an affair with a married woman."
"I didn't know the details, and of course, he reduced it from a physical to an emotional affair at the time."
"I had asked if her husband knew, and he got very defensive."
"Said they had infedelity on her side in the past, and since it was just emotional and they agreed between the 2 of them to stop, that it's not fair to destroy their marriage at the time."
"Fast forward to last week."
"He finally agreed to a kind of tell-all conversation."
"We've now been divorced for about a year and a half."
"We have 2 kids that we share custody of, and we have just wanted clarity this whole time."
"Knowing the state we live in is a one-party state, I recorded the whole conversation."
"The conversation happened at the picnic table on my property."
"In this 2.5-hour conversation, he said this woman was a physical affair."
"We are halfway through 2026."
"It's been years now, but I also found out that he is still in contact with her."
"Her husband had always been a nice guy."
"He didn't deserve what they did any more than I did."
"Would I be the a**hole if I told him and sent him the part of the conversation where my ex confessed?"
"Has it been too long?"
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITA?""
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A-hole.
"NTA, she may still be doing it even if not with your Ex."
"Guy deserves the truth." ~ Ashamed_Health5102
"Exactly."
"He doesn't know that his marriage is already over."
"Plus, his health is at risk."
"The truth will set him free." ~ IceSeeker
"NTA. The cheatee should always be told they are married to a disgusting piece of crap who doesn't respect them or their marriage vows." ~ No-Daikon3645
"No, you would not be the AH."
"I was devastated when I found out my friends knew about my ex cheating, and they kept his secret."
"Tell the poor man."
"Let him make informed choices." ~ lunarteamagic
"NTA - her husband deserves to know."
"Poor guy."
"Imagine you never found out?"
"You’d still be wasting your life with a loser of a man."
"Glad you divorced him."
"Assume he thought you’d stay if he played the affair down as just emotional."
"It’s always more."
"Her husband deserves to make a choice like you." ~ MajesticReason7709
"Oof. That's tough."
"I feel like in these situations you have to put yourself in the position of the victim or person getting hurt."
"I think any person would want to know if their partner is cheating on them."
"The result usually destroys lives, but I mean, if people are already cheating its over, he just doesn't know it."
"Go with your gut."
"I probably wouldn't have the courage to do it unless I did it anonymously." ~ ghostbook4
"YWNBTA..."
"BUT... listen to your gut and think through all the potential outcomes of this."
"Don't just blindly listen to folks on the internet who have no stakes in your life or the outcomes of that decision, just because telling the husband would be the morally correct thing to do."
"It might be the right thing to do, but you also have to think through what this could do to your co-parenting relationship, as well as what would happen if the ex-mistress decided to go scorched earth on you and show up at your house."
"Think through how this could go down, and make sure you're prepared for any eventual outcomes."
"Make sure your kids are safe."
"And go with your gut." ~ ChippyTheGreatest
"I may be the only person to say this, but I feel it needs to be said. What your husband did was horrible."
"All on his own. "
"What she did was horrible all on her own."
"What we don’t know is her living situation/ marriage."
"When I hear of things like this, it’s hard for me to fathom that the other spouse is completely clueless."
"In some cases, yes, but in most cases, the signs are always there."
"Who’s to say that he doesn’t already know but chooses to ignore it?"
"Who’s to say that he won’t become violent with her and react in a way that could cost him, or her, or both of them, their lives."
"You never know a person's mental strength until they’ve been presented with matters of the heart."
"Just because your marriage ended, doesn’t mean that you should dabble in someone else’s."
"You’re right to feel hurt, jaded, bitter, all of those things and more, but don’t play God."
"Let things fall into place. It always does!" ~ Inside_Success4817
"YWBTA if you didn’t let him know. "
"If I were you, I’d contact the woman and tell her that you are going to expose her."
"Give her the opportunity to tell her husband herself."
"None of the parties involved may appreciate it, but so what?"
"You owe her and your ex nothing."
"You don’t know if her husband knows."
"But warning him is the decent and morally correct thing to do." ~ Ncat138
"NTA. As a divorced parent, I would say tread carefully."
"Your kids come first, your peace of mind takes priority. While we can have very intense emotions around justice for someone, especially when we have been wronged in such a way, divorce dynamics are very complicated and need to be considered."
"Maybe you can rock the boat, and maybe you can’t."
"If this has got nothing to do with your kids, and it doesn’t make their life any better, then think about it."
"I don’t know what type of man or father your ex is, but if he’s anything like most men out there, he will retaliate, emotionally, and in other ways, and it may show up in coparenting."
"I’ve had the hardest time in my life because of this."
"This is true for a lot of men, that when they decide they dislike the mother of their children, or her actions, their kids suffer."
"I would try to wait until the kids are teens and old enough to understand certain dynamics."
"And I’m always a bit concerned about whether there’s domestic violence or mental illness at the other end in relation to outing a woman’s affair."
"That’s just me."
"It doesn’t make what you want to do wrong."
"Mine is just another perspective." ~ walking_you_home
"Cheating isn't just a breaking of trust, it's also a breaking of the cheated-on partner's consent."
"If you cannot trust your partner not to cheat on you, can you really trust them to have done so, practising safe sex."
"If you are prepared to potentially risk your current co-parenting relationship with young kids involved, you WNBTAH to tell the only unknowing person in the situation."
"Your ex and his affair partner are still in contact."
"Unless the circumstances in which they originally cheated cannot recur, the possibility is there."
"While you are no longer your ex's wife, his affair partner's spouse could potentially be at risk health-wise."
"Do you have any other solid proof besides that recording you could use instead?"
"While it might seem galling to protect your ex, he is the father of your kids."
"Would put their safety and well-being before that of a nice guy, you know."
"If your ex is vindictive and finds out you used his confession against his affair partner, he could make things really difficult for you." ~ Acceptable-Net-154
"I don’t think you would be the AH if you know the husband well enough to know that he would want to know."
"If you don’t know him well, it’s hard to say because you don’t know what kind of reaction you’ll get."
"Sometimes people shoot the messenger, you know?"
"I definitely don’t think you should share the recording with him, or anyone."
"I think you should delete it."
"It’s just wrong."
"Did you record him because you’re angry that your ex is still in contact with the affair partner that helped ruin your marriage?"
"I’m sorry, that must be very triggering."
"I understand wanting to blow up her life like she and your ex blew up yours."
"But think it through before you do it because it will affect your relationship with your ex, and there will be consequences that may negatively impact your coparenting relationship." ~ AdeptWhereas6379
"NTA. No need to protect her when she was a party to ruining your marriage."
"Her husband deserves to know what she’s done."
"Cheaters rarely, if ever, stop at just once."
"They are still in contact after all this time, and I bet he’d be none too happy to know she has stayed in contact with someone she physically cheated with."
"Complete betrayal and no remorse." ~ hereforthecharm
"NTA. Do you think that if you tell her husband, it’s going to affect your custody arrangements with your husband?"
"To be honest, though, she doesn’t deserve to have peace in her marriage when her relationship with your husband blew up."
"Her husband needs to know what a lying, cheating tart he’s married to." ~ mynameisnotsparta
Reddit is with you, OP.
The truth will always find a way out.
There is no reason to protect her.
He may not really want to know, though.
Think long and hard.
u/Prestigious-Focus63/Reddit
