Pregnant Mom-To-Be Asks If It's Wrong To Tell Brother With Sick Kid Not To Attend Party Due To High-Risk Pregnancy

It's a parent's job to protect their children, even while they are still in the womb.

A responsibility that often results in their need to make sacrifices they wish they didn't have to.

Not to mention doing things that are bound to offend other people.

Redditor glasslas was expecting her first child.

The original poster (OP)'s baby's impending due date coincided with the birthday of her younger brother (YB).

Unfortunately, plans for this party fell the tiniest bit sour when the OP asked that her older brother (OB) and his family not come

Wondering if she was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

"AITAH for telling my brother and SIL not to come to a family gathering?"

The OP explained why she did not want her OB at her YB's party:

"I (31 F[emale]) am 8 months pregnant with a high-risk pregnancy."

"I could go into labor any day now."

"I have a YB (27) and an older brother (33)."

"OB is married with a 2-year-old and a 7-month-old."

"We rarely see OB’s family for a few reasons:"

"They live 45 mins away, OB doesn't drive, and public transit with toddlers is hard."

"His wife has CPTSD from childhood trauma, is deeply suspicious of us and keeps her distance."

"She is also a doctor and fiercely protective of her kids."

"We all try our best to respect her boundaries."

"OB is an undiagnosed autistic."

"He’s brilliant but has the emotional maturity of a toddler."

"He cannot handle any criticism and gets easily offended."

"We grew up very close and I spent my life acting as his emotional regulator."

"Now he only calls me when he needs emotional support or cuts contact for weeks."

"The Situation:"

"YB planned his 27th birthday party at our parents' house."

"We were thrilled because OB's kids have almost never been there."

"However, the morning of the party, OB called our mom saying his son had a fever."

"Mom initially told him to stay home to protect me and our older parents."

"An hour later, OB called back crying and begging for a ride anyway, claiming it was 'just a small fever'."

"Feeling guilty, my mom actually drove all the way to get them before calling to ask my opinion."

"I told her it was a terrible idea."

"It left me with three options: complicate my high-risk pregnancy even more, skip the party and isolate from my newly-contagious family (dangerous if I go into early labor), or make everyone upset by telling them to stay home."

"My mom didn't want to be the bad guy, so I called OB to express my discomfort."

"His wife intercepted the phone and said that, as a doctor and a mom, she understood—but since I was the one at risk, I should stay home and miss the party."

"She passive-aggressively asked, 'So do you prefer we don't come?'"

"I said yes, and she hung up."

"OB said nothing."

"Immediately after hanging up, my brother had a full-blown meltdown."

"He called my mom (who was already waiting in her car outside their house), started yelling and accused her of ruining everything."

"I think deep down he knew that if the roles were reversed, there is no way in hell they would let me near them with a fever."

"Mom turned around and came home."

"We had a lovely party without them, but now OB and his wife are furious at everyone."

"OB is giving me the silent treatment and only calling our parents to scold them."

"AITA?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for saying her OB and his family.

Just about everyone agreed that the OP was only thinking of the health of her unborn child, something her sister-in-law should have understood considering how protective of her own children she is.

"NTA."

"You don’t bring sick kids or people around others."- RandiLynn1982

"NTA."

"Are your OB's kids in kindergarten yet?"

"If not they will soon learn what the mentality 'its only a little fever' actually causes when they are constantly sick due to parents being morons."- TheKreatori

"NTA."

"You need to drop the rope."

"Your brother's undiagnosed suspected autism might be the cause of his meltdowns, but that doesn't make them okay."

"I'm autistic and I am still responsible for my behavior, and for apologizing if it ever crosses a line."

"Frankly, I don't believe your SIL is 'suspicious' of your family; I think she's most likely an abuser who has succeeded in isolating your brother from the rest of your family, and you need to discuss that with your other adult family members."

"Maybe someone can buy him driving lessons for Christmas/birthday or offer to teach him for free."

"After you have your baby, I think you need to make time for therapy."

"Until then, reach out to your brother and send him a message explaining that you'll always be here for him, but you don't have the mental bandwidth to be his therapist, a role you have not trained for."

"You are his sister and his friend, so you can't only ever receive calls from him when he's suffering, you want to share in his happy moments too."

"But right now, you need some space to prepare for your baby's arrival."

"And then leave the ball in his court."

"Don't call him, text him, nothing."

"Let him come to you."

"Do NOT apologize to him, for excluding him from the party or anything else."

"Just drop the rope and see if he ever pulls his head out and recognizes his problematic behavior."- TrustVisual1394

"NTA."

"She's a doctor and thinks it's okay to bring her sick kid to a party?"- PrincessCG

"NTA."

"But I'm sorry to say this, your mother is TA a little bit."

"Why on earth did she think it was OK to go back on her previously agreed statements and plan to go and pick her son and grandchildren up when this in theory, could be harmful to you and your grandparents?"- firefly232

"NTA."

"The responsibility to not spread a disease is on OB and his wife."

"You were not the only one at risk."- cwrightbrain

"NTA."

"I can't stand dealing with someone like him at all."- is_it_worth_itt

"NTA."

"This is ridiculous."

"The sick people stay home."

"End of."

"You'd have to be an actual numpty muppet to think otherwise."- Pale-Attorney7474

"NTA."

"The sick person should stay home."

"That's common sense."

"The same way if a kid is sick, that kid should've stayed home instead of expecting their entire classroom not to attend school just so he wouldn't missed out on the education."- Frankensteins_Kid

"NTA."

"I find it hard to believe that as a doctor, SIL would be ok with letting her small, probably ill child around all those people."

"That seems backwards."

"It also sounds like your parents have been coddling your brother his entire life."

"Your brother clearly needs help."

"Autism, diagnosed or not is no excuse to be a rude to people."- No-Long5784

Some, however, felt that OP was right in telling her OB not to go to the party, but understood his anger and frustration after his mother drove all the way there to give him a ride:

"Congratulations on your pregnancy."

"Tbh I think I would have missed the party instead of having my mum drive home again after she had already made the decision to get your brother."

"NAH though."

"Everybody made their own decisions."

"You didn't force anyone?!"- NeedleworkerSuch9895

There were others, though, who agreed that the OP's OB and his family should still skip the party, but wondered if it was a good idea for the OP to be going as well:

"Honestly, ESH a little bit."

"Your Mother drove for 45 minutes before deciding to call for your opinion (insinuating to some extent that she really wanted OB to come even with a potentially contagious kid), you unilaterally decide OB should miss out on the party held in your parent’s house, seemingly no one consults YB as to what he’d like to do with the guest list for his birthday."

"What a mess."- Kitchu22

While a few, however, who had trouble sympathizing with the OP, pointing out that being in a high-risk pregnancy, she probably shouldn't be going to the party herself:

"YTA and I will be downvoted for that."

"You are high risk, going to a party present lots of risks."

"People can be asymptomatic."

"You knew about OB child but how can you be 100% sure everyone was safe?"

"At the end of the day it was YB party, and he should have been the one having the final say, not you."- Riyokosan

One can't help the OP's OB for being disappointed to miss the party.

But the OP has not only her own health to take into consideration, but the health of her child as well.

Something one would think the OP's sister-in-law would realize, being a doctor.

Even if the OP might want to consider how good an idea it is to go to this party herself...