Not every roommate situation has to be perfect.
Sure, it'd be great if they were.
But as long as the scenario doesn't impede on one's life, what's the harm?
Some situations, though, can get out of control fast.
These are the times when living alone seems like the only option to strive for.
Redditor Historical_Ad_3001 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA For Not Wanting My Roommate to Check My Room for 'Kidnappers?'"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (28 F[emale]) live with three other roommates."
"This post primarily concerns who I'll call Roommate A (~24F)."
"We've lived together for about a year and a half now, and didn't know each other prior to renting together."
"Roommate A has always been kind of a paranoid person."
"She has accused other roommates and me of doing drugs that caused her to have medical issues, then of stealing the hospital records."
"She wasn't aggressive about the accusations, and they tended to be few and far between, so I figured I could put up with it."
"Then, a few days ago, she asked if we could have a 'signal,' in case someone was 'being held hostage,' to let the others know we needed help."
"I thought it was a little ridiculous, since we don't live in a bad area, but I think she grew up somewhere unsafe and figured there was no harm in it."
"Then, last night, when she got home (at 1:30 in the morning), she started banging on everyone's doors saying it was an 'emergency.'"
"When we all got up, she said she wanted to look into everyone's rooms to make sure there was no one in there."
"She said she didn't care about guests and wanted to know we weren't being held hostage."
"I told her this was ridiculous, and there was no reason to think anyone was in our rooms, but she insisted I should be 'grateful' that she was looking out for us and trying to check in with us."
"She said we were all so 'quiet' that it made her uncomfortable because she would never know if anything was wrong."
"I tried to tell her we were quiet because nothing was wrong, and we'd obviously say something if there was, but she just said 'you never know.'"
"I let her in because I was tired and didn't feel like arguing the point further, but I told her I wasn't going to be letting her in in the future."
"I'm pretty sure I'm not the a**hole for this, but I also did grow up in a pretty nice area, so maybe this is something people regularly do in areas where that's a more significant risk?"
The OP was left to wonder:
"Am I the a**hole for not letting her check?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NAH. This is a situation that's beyond the scope of whether or not someone is an AH or not."
"What you've written sounds like someone going through a mental health crisis, as her paranoia is teetering on the edge of delusion."
"If you guys are schoolmates, I would maybe consider reaching out to the residence office about some resources and support in this."
"If she is just a random roommate on a whole, if she is otherwise in a good place with her family, there might be some benefit in reaching out to them with concern." ~ coastalkid92
"Be careful, depending on the state, OP."
"States known for any rough policing can be worse."
"I knew someone who was stripped naked and kept that way for seven hours in a jail cell with cops checking on her naked body in the corner every hour until someone transported her to a facility equally bad, held without any consent for multiple days, all because, unfortunately, someone was gravely worried for her."
"If you know anyone in mental health or social services at all, they can probably make sure she gets somewhere that will actually help and maybe even skip the step of police 'escort' where a lot can happen that isn't for her actual benefit (even as little as handcuffs/zipties can really f--- up an unstable person)." ~ boojersey13
"Whatever the underlying diagnosis, it sounds like she may not be 'teetering on the edge of delusion' but in full-blown psychosis, and likely has been for a while based on the accusations of 'doing drugs that caused her to have medical issues, then of stealing the hospital records.'"
"That's a clear delusion, not just paranoia."
"She is imagining events that haven't happened AND reconciling them in her head with complex delusion to explain why there is no evidence of them happening (i.e., they must have stolen the hospital records)."
"This sounds very much like a psychotic break, and needs to be addressed immediately, because it is unlikely to resolve without medical intervention." ~ Sorry_I_Guess
"Completely agree with this take."
"This sounds much like an oncoming mental health crisis or early-onset delusion."
"OP needs to protect their own boundaries and safety, but reaching out to her family or landlord/school is really the best path forward here." ~ paper_stillwater75
"NAH. This is not about her growing up in a rough area."
"This is a mental health situation."
"In the light of day, broach the issue of her paranoia with concern and look for new living arrangements soon." ~ sphrintze
"Do this."
"Your roommate is going into crisis, and you are not prepared to handle this, nor should you."
"Contact any family of hers you can buy."
"I would not be surprised if they don't speak to her because she is unwilling to get help for mental health issues."
"Families will give up on them after trying for years."
"I can't blame them."
"Been in a similar situation."
"This person is only a roommate."
"Don't feel too bad about bailing."
"Get a mental health wellness check by a local mental health agency."
"You can help out with this by getting her to be at home when they come by and letting them in."
"I would not do this until you can stay elsewhere." ~ ryverrat1971
"NTA. Your friend has a mental health issue."
"I am not qualified to diagnose, but I have known people who displayed similar behaviors."
"They were what used to be called schizophrenic."
"Please see if she is open to talking to a professional."
"If she won't, maybe try to contact her parents." ~ Prestigious-Use4550
"Sometimes trauma responses can look bizarre because for 99% of the population, the fear would be unfounded."
"Trauma can also be paired with OCD, so even if you know there’s a logical answer, your brain can’t shake the illogical fear."
"I didn’t grow up in a sketchy area, but I do know that someone breaking into your home - your safe space - definitely can screw up your brain."
"It’s really hard to relax in your home unless you check everything, and letting go of that due to roommates needing privacy is difficult."
"She still needs professional help at this point, though." ~ dovahkiitten16
"You already are in danger, girl."
"You've just normalized the signs and are bending your perceptions into a pretzel to make sense of them."
"Stay in your room with the door locked as much as possible."
"If she starts banging on the door, insisting you open it, take that as your opening to call the police and tell them you think your roommate is having a psychotic break and you're holed up in your room for your safety."
"Let them deal with it."
"Hopefully, that will get her a mandatory 72-hour hold and seen by a psychiatrist."
"She's the right age for the onset of schizophrenia with all its delusions and paranoia."
"Also could be meth paranoia. NTA." ~ RocketWoman55
"If she goes into a full-blown psychosis, and she perceives you as the enemy, this can go bad very quickly."
"I know a person who killed himself, his father, and attempted to kill his mother, but she survived the stabbing."
"Her symptoms are gradually getting worse, and that's not good!!"
"Hopefully it won't, and she gets help, but it's a very REAL possibility that things can go wrong."
"She lives in a different reality, and those thoughts and threats are real to her." ~ TheDuchess_of_Dark
"NTA, your roommate's paranoia is getting worse and can get worse still."
"Knocking on your doors demanding to search for hostage takers at 1:30 in the morning and justifying it by the fact that you are 'too quiet' is bizarre."
"It's sad if she has no one to look out for her, but this is beyond a roommate's pay grade; she needs professional help." ~ MarionberryPlus8474
"NTA. Your roommate is mentally ill and needs help."
"Unfortunately, people are allowed to be mentally ill and not treat it."
"My daughter has a friend who is bipolar with psychotic features."
"She’s not homeless because her parents pay for her apartment and all her bills."
"She’s often actually psychotic."
"They are limping along as best they can. "
"If your roommate has family, I would let them know she’s extremely paranoid."
"You’re not going to be able to fix this."
"I would be either looking for other accommodations when your lease is up, or not renewing her lease."
"She will decompensate at some point." ~ Perle1234
"I'm security-conscious since I've often lived in dodgy areas, I've experienced paranoia from a variety of sources and causes, but this is overkill."
"She's having a mental health episode of some sort to be this paranoid."
"ETA... judgement: NAH." ~ KatWayward
"NTA and your roommate are about the right age to start showing symptoms of serious mental illness." ~ RickRussellTX
Reddit is concerned for you, OP.
This sounds like your roommate needs some serious help.
Things can deteriorate rapidly.
Maybe you and the other roommates should meet and make a plan.
Be careful and good luck.
