In a crisis, one is told family will always be there to help.
That may not always be true.
And often, people need to weigh the heft of the emergency before helping.
That can cause some problems.
Case in point…
Redditor SquarePoint4234 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for calling my husband unreasonable for canceling the holiday trip just because me and the kids couldn’t help him in an emergency?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband and I have been together for 4 years.”
“I have two kids (17 M[ale] /19 F[emale]).”
“And their half brother is 3 years old.”
“This past week, my husband had an emergency (dad had a medical emergency) and wanted someone to watch our son.”
“He asked my older son and he refused because he was going out with friends. he also asked my daughter but she locked herself in her room to study.”
“I was at the restaurant with my brother meeting his girlfriend for the first time.”
“My husband ended up taking our son with him to the hospital and his mom watched him from there.”
“He came home and was lashing out on everybody.”
“Calling us selfish and unfeeling.”
“I tried to explain that the kids were busy but he told me to get the f**k out with that bull because my older son could’ve skipped the hangout and watched his brother.”
“And, my daughter could’ve watched her brother while studying instead of locking herself in her room.”
“He scolded me as well but I told him I couldn’t leave lunch with my brother since he was visiting town and this was my only chance to meet his girlfriend.”
“He yelled some more, then told us that he was canceling the family holiday trip for Christmas this year.”
“The two older kids were upset and said it was unfair.”
“I called him unreasonable to cancel the trip and punish the kids (and possibly me) like that.”
“He refused to discuss it later.”
“Now me and the kids aren’t speaking to him and he’s saying ‘good riddance.'”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA. Let’s fix the title of your post…”
“My husband canceled our holiday trip because my kids and I are unreasonable and he just found out that we couldn’t care less about him or his family” ~ Alarming_Reply_6286
“They apparently don’t care about their family either as, presumably, younger child is her son and older children’s brother.”
“It boggles the mind.” ~ Suzume_Chikahisa
“It really does.”
“Like… if I were the 17 or 16-year old, I would have been EXPECTED to help out.”
“Even the THOUGHT of saying no would never have crossed my mind.”
“OP, YTA. And you’re raising your kids to be that way too.” ~ CurlsintheClouds
“Honestly, I feel bad for the teens, even though they’re old enough to be accountable for themselves.”
“But clearly they’ve been raised by someone who is just… deeply weird, to put it mildly.”
“That skewed concept of normal human behavior takes time and massive effort to deprogram.”
“And they may not even realize they have to deprogram it until they’ve had a few romantic partners go ‘uhhhhhh what the hell,’ as OP’s is currently doing to her.
“Let’s hope all three take that lesson to heart, to keep the list of hurt, frustrated, mistreated exes as small as it can be.” ~ yet_another_sock
“I dunno, I’d think at 19 and 17, these kids are old enough to understand that a family emergency should be taken seriously.”
“But WTF with wife and her lunch date???”
“These folks are bizarre – and not in a good way. YTA.” ~ EmeraldBlueZen
“YTA, you and your kids from previous relationships are selfish and don’t deserve your husband.”
“I hope he gets out of this dynamic and gets custody of the 3 year old.” ~ mydachshundisloud
“YTA. When there’s a family emergency, you drop everything to help.”
“Meeting your brother’s girlfriend for the first time is not a valid excuse not to go watch the 3 years old, I mean WTF?”
“Clearly you put your husband very low on your list of priorities.”
“I don’t blame him for cancelling, you guys don’t deserve it.” ~ Caspian4136
“Agree, What were they expecting from him after all of them bailed out when he needed them the most, and that three year old is OPs kid too.”
“If I were in place of OPs husband I would be having second thoughts about my relationship with this awful family.” ~ freebird2211
“Honestly in times of crises people really show their true colors.”
“OP and her kids showed theirs.”
“If I was OP’s husband I’d be out the door.”
“I would do just about anything for my family in an emergency and they have done the same for me.”
“To not even be willing to skip a lunch or a random hangout is despicable.”
“It shows just how little OP and her kids care about OP’s husband and how selfish they all are.” ~ HankHippopopolous
“Just to add, the 3 year old is your son too.”
“Your husband had a genuine emergency, and instead of reacting with compassion you HAD to stay at the restaurant?”
“This doesn’t even add up.”
“The father’s wife had to watch the toddler while her husband was being treated?”
“If this is real, I’m going with YTA.” ~ michelleinAZ
“YTA. He just realized how selfish you and your children are and he isn’t willing to give them an expensive experience when he recently learned of their character.”
“I didn’t hear a reasonable excuse from you or your kids why they couldn’t change plans to watch someone’s kid for a family medical emergency.”
“I wouldn’t want to take you all on a vacation either.” ~ CognitiveTraveler
“I noticed that too and I’m actually wondering if she married the guy for his money and had a baby with him to lock that money down.”
“Cause nobody with a young kid and who actually cared about their husband would do this.”
“‘Oh no! Your father’s in hospital? Too bad you’ll have to take my kids half brother with you, because my brother and meeting his gf are more important than your father being sick.'”
“YTA OP. And your older kids too.” ~ ItsMeTittsMGee
“YTA. Any single one of you could, and should have dropped what you were doing.”
“You were all selfish.”
“Nothing any of you were doing was life and death, meanwhile what your husband was dealing with could have been.”
“You all suck.”
“That poor man has no support from his own damn family.” ~ Lady-Athena1987
“Yikes…YTA (you, your son and your daughter).”
‘And I don’t blame him for canceling the trip.”
“Seems to me you 3 are very self-centered.”
“Also, isn’t this your son as well?”
“Sorry, but I think you could have easily picked up YOUR kid for lunch and/or invited your brother and his girlfriend back to your place to watch him.”
“The same goes to your son and daughter.”
“Your son could have canceled hanging out with his friends for one day, and your daughter was home and could have easily watched him.”
“You 3 made things more difficult and stressful for your husband and not only that, were you not even concerned for your F[ather] I[n] L[aw]?” ~ Lopsided-Aioli9476
“Congratulations on raising 2 kids who are exactly like you. Selfish.”
“It was a medical emergency.”
“I divorced my husband over a medical emergency when he left me hanging.”
“Enjoy your single life. YTA.” ~ timeytrooper
“Here are a few scenarios.”
“‘Hey, sorry, I really want to spend more time getting to meet your girlfriend.'”
“‘But my father-in-law has a medical emergency so I need to look after my son so that my husband can go to him.'”
“‘Hey guys, sorry, I won’t be able to hang out today, I need to look after my lil brother because his dad needs to go to HIS dad for a medical emergency.'”
“‘Hey self, I need to spend a bit of time with my stepbrother because his dad’s dad has a medical emergency.'”
“How many of those sound unreasonable? Is it none of them?”
“YTA. Way to make your husband think you don’t care about him, his father, or your son.”
“Please rethink your priorities.” ~ ieya404
“Or, ‘Hey brother, I need to bring my son with us to lunch because my FIL is having a medical emergency and husband needs to go to hospital. Can we meet at a family friendly place?'”
Or even better, ‘Brother I’m so sorry but I have to go to the hospital to support my husband because my fil has had a medical emergency.'”
“OP can mind son at the hospital and be there for her husband.”
“OP are you always so uncaring and self centered? YTA.” ~ Flimsy-Field-8321
OP came back with an update…
“My husband was supposed to watch our son at the time.”
“That’s why I went to see my brother at the restaurant.”
“The kids aren’t used to watching their brother when neither parent is home.”
“My husband just told us that he’ll be spending Christmas with his family saying he needs to be around his dad anyway.”
“The kids said they will just go to their dad since they and my husband are still not talking.”
“Neither of the kids are happy with how things turned out.”
“So I feel like things have gotten out of hand and the problem got bigger.”
“He’s now choosing to basically abandon us on Christmas and also keep our son away from me and his siblings.”
Well OP, Reddit is not really feeling merry for you and your kids.
This sounds like a major issue that needs some help.
It may be time for a sit down with a therapist.
Hopefully y’all can find a way for a happy holiday season.