Let's be honest: sometimes people become attracted to each other, and they aren't ready to admit that to everyone around them, possibly because they're coworkers or because of some other potentially awkward reason.
But more than likely, they're not ready to admit to something that could jeopardize a relationship they're in, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Obvious_Tea_4247 tried to be understanding of their girlfriend's friendship with one of her male coworkers, even though hearing them call each other "work husband" and "work wife" made them cringe.
But when they planned a week-long road trip together, the Original Poster (OP) was dismayed when they shared their concerns about the trip, and their girlfriend accused them of being jealous and insecure.
They asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting for not wanting my girlfriend to go on a solo road trip with her 'work husband'?"
The OP's girlfriend and one of her coworkers were a little too close for comfort.
"My girlfriend has this close guy friend from work, Mark."
"She calls him her 'work husband,' which has always lowkey bugged me, but I've tried to be cool about it."
"They text a lot and grab lunch sometimes."
But the OP drew the line at them wanting to take a trip together, just the two of them.
"Whatever, I trust her, but now she dropped a bomb on me."
"Mark is going on a road trip to visit some national parks for a week, and his original friend bailed. So he asked my girlfriend to go with him instead."
"And... she's actually considering it. Just the two of them. Sharing a car and probably sharing a hotel room to save money."
The OP's girlfriend didn't see what the big deal was.
"I told her straight up that this plan makes me super uncomfortable."
"She says that I'm being insecure and that he's 'like a brother' to her."
"I told her that even if that's true, it's about respect. How would she feel if I went on a week-long trip with a 'work wife'?"
"She said it's different, and now we're in a huge fight."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some cringed at the use of the term "work husband."
"First of all, 'work husband'? Oye, red flag. NOR." - dazedlyconfused
"I hate the whole 'work husband' and 'work wife' thing. Every so often, a coworker will refer to me as his work wife, and I will respond that he's like my work brother."
"They always look put off, which kind of proves that the terminology isn't purely innocent." - Toosder
"When I addressed the 'work husband' label, I had to deal with, 'What, I can't have male friends at work now?'"
"That was three weeks before I found out about the affair. Gotta love the gaslighting!" - AJFalzie
"My ex had a work wife and yet also had a list of reasons why he wasn't interested in her. I couldn't help thinking, 'Who are you trying to convince?' They got married two months after our divorce was final." - KJParker888
"The only time I play 'work husband and work wife' at work is with other heterosexual dudes, as a fellow heterosexual dude."
"We call each other our 'work wives' all the time."
"I would never say that about a woman at my work. I also work blue collar, so the VAST majority of my coworkers are men, but the policy stands." - TheRear1961
"My husband had a work husband. As a group, they are the husbros."
"He also has a work mom. Everyone calls Miss Deb mom. That's totally different; she's my honorary mom, even though I don't work there." - purplechunkymonkey
"It's definitely not innocent. It's playing with fire without playing with fire."
"It allows for plausible deniability (like, 'oh, I'm kidding, it's no big deal) whilst opening the door to increased intimacy, emotional and/or physical."
"Just my opinion, but I think it's inappropriate on any level." - SnooBananas7856
"The 'work husband' and 'work wife' thing is really cringe, too, like, honestly, if you're going to have the affair, just do it already, and keep it out of the office."
"Quit subjecting the rest of us to this immature, awkward banter. You're a middle-aged adult. Stop with the half-jokes and the Twitter-pated goofiness and half-a**ed flirting."
"Either you want each other, or you don't. Either you're going to act on it or not. Either way, this isn't middle school; I don't want to see it; it's above my pay grade. YUCK." - meltyandbuttery
"I really dislike it when people in the office say 'work husband' or 'work wife'... I'm like, what the f**k, that's so disrespectful, and it makes me feel bad for the actual husband or wife. I know you two aren't married, but it's still very disrespectful, hurtful, and gross." - peace_sunshine
"It's not different. Her response is what bothers me. She's feeling offended and therefore lashed out at you with the insecure/controlling line. Unfortunately, this is the same response most cheaters give."
"You have to decide to trust her completely, or should probably just break up. This trip may be nothing more than two friends seeing the sights, or it may be an opportunity to spend all day and night together like they can't now, only sneaking off to f**k."
"That's the problem with these close coworker relationships. They spend so much time together that feelings can develop."
"IF you trust her deep down, then the root of this may be that she isn't prioritizing you. Instead, she is planning to devote more of her time and attention to this other guy when she already spends eight hours plus a day with him. That's likely more than she spends actually interacting with you." - Initial-Bandicoot444
Others agreed that the road trip was weird, and they were sure the girlfriend knew it, too.
"It's okay for her to go, but you going with a 'work wife' would be different?!?! Nah, this is definitely iffey, and she knows it."
"No one has work wives or work husbands; they have friends. Friends texting all the time and having lunch together show that you are not overreacting at all."
"Have you met this man? His friend can't make the week-long holiday, and he has no other friends?!?! C'mon, dodgy as h**l." - curious-by-moon
"Nah, there's no reason for her to go for a week-long trip with another male alone, period."
"If she goes, then she gets sent to the streets. The level of disrespect is enough for her to be dumped immediately, work husband or not." - bobp929
"This is the kind of trip you take with your boyfriend. Just the fact that someone would want to go with someone other than their boyfriend, family, or best friend is weird. I want my best experiences to be with my closest people, not a coworker." - jittery-raccoon
"No, you're not being unreasonable. If anything, the fact that she even suggested it would make me suspicious. Shouldn't she be taking her time off with you, her actual partner in life? I think you might want to accept that. There's more going on here than you were aware." - PilotEnvironmental46
"NOR. There are THREE red flags…"
"1. 'She says I'm being insecure.'"
"2. 'She says that he's 'like a brother' to her.'"
"3. 'I asked how she would feel if I went on a weeklong trip with a 'work wife'? She said it's different.'"
"She's either already cheating or planning to do so on this trip. Dump her, and move on with your life while she's on this trip, sending her life up in smoke." - trekgirl75
"My dude. Absolutely not. NOR."
"I thought this was a work trip at first, and that would still be iffy."
"But a personal road trip, just the two of them..."
"Honestly, based on her reaction, I would break up with her. Her stance is utterly ridiculous; she has no leg to stand on. Do not let her convince you this is okay." - yyythoo
"NOR. Everything about this sounds shady: probably sharing a hotel room, yeah, definitely sharing a room, and I'm guessing it will be a one-bed that's being shared as well."
"Got to give the work husband some credit for coming up with the fake, 'oh, my friend just backed out,' storyline, LOL."
"If you haven't already gotten rid of her, that's your next move." - vixenhotwife20
"NOR."
"Maybe it was her idea to begin with, and it's all planned from the start to be a romantic road trip for them. Out of town where nobody knows they are cheating."
"I honestly think she wants to try this guy out to decide who she actually wants when there's no work involved, no office space or current boyfriend breathing down their necks."
"The OP deserves so much better and should start over while she's gone." - Arizona_Dread
"The fact that she's even thinking about it is a huge red flag. She is clearly not ready to be tied to any one person as yet. It seems you are the current placeholder and she's getting ready to move on."
"Read it for what it is. Get ahead of it and just break up now. You deserve to be with someone who wants to make you the person to do ALL of their road trips with." - Happy_Wolverine9888
"Let your ex-girlfriend go on a trip with her boyfriend, my man."
It's the 'it's different' for me. She ain't the one, OP."
"The respect is unequal. In her world, she gets to walk across boundaries unscathed." - alanmooresbarber
It is, of course, possible for a man and a woman to be good friends without being attracted to each other, and this can also be true when they work together.
But the fact that the pair were referring to each other as "work husband" and "work wife" was a tad suspicious, and the fact that they were now planning to go on this trip together, just the two of them, and would likely share a hotel room would make anyone suspicious, let alone a well-meaning partner.
Woman With Cerebral Palsy Livid After Husband's Doctor Questions Why He Married Her
In the search for comprehensive medical care, people may have tough conversations about their lifestyle, work, relationships, and other potential stressors.
But a doctor can only make so many decisions on behalf of their patient, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor _lucky96 was seeing the same doctor as her husband, so their doctor was aware of both of their medical histories and needs, including her having cerebral palsy.
But when the doctor brought up her condition during her husband's latest appointment and questioned their marriage, the Original Poster (OP) was appalled and wanted to find a new medical care provider.
She asked the sub:
The OP had cerebral palsy and a full life.
"I have cerebral palsy. It mainly affects my walking, but I can walk independently and live a pretty normal life."
"My husband and I have been together for three years and have a blended family with five kids altogether. Three of my kids aren’t biologically his."
The OP and her husband just started seeing a new doctor.
"We’ve both recently started seeing the same general practitioner (GP)." I’ve seen him about three times now and generally thought he was helpful."
"I had noticed he seemed very interested in my disability and would often ask questions about it and whether I had support, but I assumed he was just being thorough."
In the OP's eyes, the doctor crossed a line.
"Today, my husband had an appointment with the same doctor for stomach issues."
"During the appointment, mental health apparently came up as part of the discussion, but the appointment itself wasn’t for mental health."
"I wasn’t in the room because I was outside with our daughter. According to my husband, the doctor asked him, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"My husband said because he loves me, and then the doctor apparently said something along the lines of, 'With her disability and five kids, that’s a lot to take on. You realise when she’s older, you’ll have a lot to do as she ages.'"
"My husband thinks I’m overreacting because they had been discussing different stressors in his life, and believes the doctor was just talking about responsibilities and support systems."
"I understand that possibility, but I can’t get past how hurtful it feels to hear my disability described as something my husband 'took on' or as a future burden he’ll have to manage."
"The doctor also said, 'Not many men would do what you do, you’re a good man.'"
The OP was upset about the conversation her husband shared.
"What bothers me most is that the conversation wasn’t even about me, and I wasn’t there to respond or provide any context."
"I feel like the comments reduced me to my disability rather than seeing me as a wife, parent, and person."
"Am I wrong for being upset by this and considering raising it with the clinic, or does this sound inappropriate?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that the doctor's comments were highly inappropriate.
"That’s highly inappropriate. You are NOR." - Direction_Physical
"NOR. You are not overreacting at all. That was completely inappropriate and dehumanizing."
"You’re his patient’s wife, not his patient, while your husband is in that room. Bringing up your disability and five kids during your husband’s stomach appointment had nothing to do with his care."
"Saying you’re 'a lot to take on' and 'not many men would do what you do' frames your marriage like a charity case, and you like a burden instead of a partner."
"That’s ableist, unprofessional, and a violation of basic boundaries."
"It makes sense that you feel reduced to just your disability after hearing that."
"Raising it with the clinic is absolutely reasonable. You deserve a doctor who treats you as a whole person, not a problem for your husband to manage." - DaringDuvet
"This makes me so stabby. I’m non-verbal and have right-sided weakness."
"We were married 29 years before it happened, and the number of people who think my husband needs a medal and a parade for sticking around..."
"Don’t get me wrong. My husband is one of life’s truly good dudes. But seriously?" - sorenelf
"This is infuriating. He's a good man because he didn't ditch?"
"When my mum was diagnosed with cancer that wasn’t going to do the polite thing and get fixed, the amount of applause for my dad not leaving her was astounding."
"He was horrified at first, but that wore off pretty quickly, and he just started calling it out. That made quite a few people squirm in their own discomfort."
"It says a lot about someone who thinks a natural choice is to bail." - BasicLingonberry9914
"NOR in the slightest."
"Even if we assume good intent and the doctor wanted to make sure there are safety nets and supports in place for both of you, that has NOTHING to do with the question of why your husband married you."
"I would absolutely file a complaint, and if you both can, find another general practitioner." - ooooohcakepudding
"NOR. I have severe Aphakia, and if my specialist looked at my husband to remind him he's going to be growing old with someone who is likely going to go blind, I think I would die."
"My husband had been through h**l and back with me and my eyes long before we got married, so he knows what he signed up for. And it isn't the doc's place to sort out. Super duper unprofessional." - Global-Nature2420
"So at first, I thought you were overreacting. I am a mental health provider, and a doctor discussing stressors and very real-life situations happens all the time."
"The minute you added the part that 'not many men,' things changed. He took what could have been a normal conversation and changed it to his personal feelings, which is absolutely disgusting."
"NOR at all. I would file a complaint." - Trash_Human92
Others pointed out that it was an important conversation to have, though the doctor could have been more delicate.
"While tough, this isn't an inappropriate conversation to have if the stress is causing his health to deteriorate."
"The truth is not inappropriate. I think the way he worded it was a bit much, but not what he said."
"It appears to me the OP is not dealing with how her disability is not just about her, but everyone, etc. For example, my cancer was also stressing my loved ones out." - Total-Ad886f
"I was having panic attacks in the middle of the night due to my husband's health and lack of care. So when he finally started seeing someone in my same doctor's office (but not the same doctor), it was SO much better."
"My doc and the nurse have been really, really concerned about my mental health, so they were happy to hear that he's taking his health seriously and improving, because that means that I am sleeping more and my mental health is better, and that means my ability to manage my own chronic pain and health issues has been better."
"I was not coping at all and barely able to function." - popchex
"The doctor may have mentioned OP in the conversation with her husband if he was trying to ascertain if he had stressors that may contribute to his stomach issues. Sure, your spouse, children, work, and parents can be considered stressors at times in anyone’s life."
"For me, where he crossed the line was when he decided just how OP’s condition will impact the future."
"Firstly, OP is obviously capable of caring for everyone, including herself and children, with minimal, if any, assistance. As OP ages, more assistance may be required, but this may also be the case for her husband, too, as he ages. The responsibility of the children will not be a factor, as they are adults."
"So the doctor’s predictions are presumptive and unnecessary. Health is not guaranteed for anyone. We all will face various challenges to our physical abilities as we age."
"What I would take up with the clinic is why he felt it necessary to ask the husband why he married OP. To additionally state because of that, ‘He was a good man’ is grossly inappropriate and unprofessional."
"There is potential for an ongoing issue to arise if OP were to continue seeing this doctor. His bias toward her husband may very well influence any care she may need in the future. NOR." - Cool-Blackberry-785
"It doesn’t make sense because if your husband was talking about how stressed he was, why would the doctor bring up more reasons he should be stressed? Or if he didn’t seem stressed enough, is the doctor then going to be like, 'Consider how stressed you’ll be in X amount of years'?"
"It sort of sounds like he’s saying something like, 'Why would a man do that?'"
"The only exception I’d give is if your husband had some sort of health thing he’s completely ignoring, and the doctor was trying to give him a wake-up moment. Because then, they sort of have to be blunt to make you realize you need to prioritize your health. But simply being stressed isn’t enough to start saying, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"Whenever it’s women in your husband’s position, they just get told they’re an awesome rockstar. No one questions WHY they do it."
"NOR. You should find a doctor who makes you feel supported, and you feel is better overall."
"I wouldn’t make your husband change yet. It is hard to find doctors you like. Maybe when you establish with a better doctor, he’ll switch, too." - imwearingredsocks
Since the OP's husband went to the doctor to discuss stomach issues and likely how to remedy them, it's reasonable that the subject of possible stressors would come up, so the husband could avoid those stressors and improve his symptoms.
However, some Redditors felt that also including details about his marriage and fatherhood in the conversation was crossing a line, and while being a care provider to a spouse could be stressful, many felt it was being addressed from an ableist perspective instead.