Despite it being the second half of 2026, some people still put a lot of pressure on a person's "body count" before they commit to a long-term relationship or get married. Women especially are still sometimes called "damaged goods" or "used goods" if they do not remain "pure" until their wedding night.
Being with someone who calls them "used goods" for any reason is also reason enough to leave the relationship behind, reassured the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Anitastart19 had been dating her first romantic partner for approximately a year when he started showing signs of being jealous of any attention she received from other men, even if it was just a "like" on an Instagram story.
When he went through her entire phone to check if she was being faithful and called her "used goods" for another guy liking her social media content, the Original Poster (OP) immediately kicked him out of her home.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by blocking my boyfriend after he went through my phone and called me 'used goods'?"
The OP found out her boyfriend was jealous of her receiving any attention from other men.
"I’m 19 (Female). He’s 20 (Male). We’ve been together almost a year."
"I lost my virginity to him. He was my first everything."
"Last night, I fell asleep on the couch after a long day (I work two jobs and still go to college)."
"I woke up at 3:17 AM to him sitting right next to me with my phone unlocked, scrolling through my DMs and old messages."
"When I asked what he was doing, he didn’t even try to hide it. He just looked at me and said, 'I needed to check if you’re still talking to that guy from before me. I don’t want to be with someone who’s already been used.'"
"I froze. He knew I only ever slept with him. I’ve told him that a hundred times. He still called me 'used goods' because some guy from high school liked my story two months ago. The guy liked it, and that was it, no messages, nothing."
The OP refused to be consoled by her soon-to-be ex-boyfriend.
"I started crying and asked him to leave."
"He laughed and said, 'Stop being so dramatic; you’re overreacting again like always.'"
"Then he tried to hug me and said, 'I only said it because I love you and I’m scared of losing you.'"
"I locked myself in the bathroom and blocked him on everything."
"He’s been texting me from different numbers for the last 14 hours, calling me a 'crazy b***h' and says I’m 'throwing away the only guy who will ever love damaged goods,' and threatening to tell my parents I 'sleep around.'"
The OP needed reassurance about what she had done.
"Some of my friends are saying I should forgive him because 'he’s just insecure' and that 'boys say stupid s**t when they’re scared.' Others say I did the right thing."
"I feel disgusting. I keep replaying him calling me used goods in my head."
"Was I wrong for completely cutting him off instead of trying to talk it through?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that her ex had no reason to call her those things, and she was right to block and break up with him.
"Sweetie, you are NOT used goods. That is some red pill bulls**t. Do not unblock."
"Keep all harassing messages and report him to the police if he threatens or comes near you again. He’s either projecting or too emotionally insecure for a relationship."
"This will escalate if you stay with him. It will get so much worse, and you will ALWAYS be the dramatic one. Keep yourself safe."
"And tell your parents the TRUTH before he tries to spread anything. The people who know and love you won’t believe him. And tell your friends, someone like him isn’t healthy, and you deserve to be free and safe." - Antique-Seesaw-5639
"If someone ever tells you that they’re the only person who would ever be with you, love you, put up with you… you need to leave that person immediately. They are manipulating your fear and insecurity to control you for their benefit. Please do not ever believe him." - TheBearSkogmani
"Let's be very, absolutely clear: even if you had slept with 20 men before you got to him, that is no reason for him to treat you this way. His insecurity is his to manage; it is not your weight to bear."
"NOR, and do not take this guy back; he is damaged, and you cannot fix him. He needs therapy (and probably he needs to cancel his red-pill YouTube podcast subscription)."
"This is NOT normal behavior, and should not be excused as 'boys say stupid s**t.'" - _PsychoLlama_
"'Used goods'? Honey, please listen to an old woman. You are NOT 'goods'; you are NOT an object; you are a human being worthy of love and respect."
"Dump this sorry boy playing at being a man and live and love your life while someone worthy comes your way." - Original_Pudding6909
"You are NOT 'damaged.' He is gaslighting you because if you start to have a low opinion of yourself, he thinks you’ll become more dependent on him, maybe even grateful to him."
"Don’t let him lower your sense of self-worth. You are doing the right thing. He said horrible things to you and then said you’re overreacting. No, that’s him trying hard to make you doubt yourself."
"NOR." - sillvrdollrr
"NOR. He didn’t call you 'used goods' because he loves you; he said it to humiliate and control you."
"Going through your phone was the first red flag. Insulting you, laughing while you cried, contacting you from different numbers, and threatening to lie to your parents is the entire parade."
"Keep him blocked, save every message, change your passwords, and tell your parents, and anyone else with opinions you care about who he might try to reach out to, what actually happened before he gets to rewrite the story."
"You didn’t throw away 'the only guy who will love you.' You escaped a guy who clearly doesn’t know what love looks like." - abbyglorie
Others agreed and urged the OP to also cut out of her life the people who were excusing his behavior.
"NOR, and I think you should stop being friends with the ones excusing his behavior." - Strong-Trip-3301
"Firstly: do not go back to this immature and sexist little boy."
"Secondly: what on earth are your ‘friends’ thinking? You have far too much going for you to settle for this kind of disrespect. Anyone who uses terms like ‘used goods’ has no place in your life. There are plenty of men out there who will respect and support you. Leave this one in the playground where he belongs."
"REAL friends would be telling you to expect better. NOR." - Zealousideal-Desk441
"100% get new friends. NOR."
"My best friend, going on 20 years now, was by far the most vocal about encouraging me to dump the man child I was with for far too long (three years, he had a job for about four months of that, he did zero house work, I did his college homework for him, and then he cheated on me, using my own money to take other girls out). She is my ride-or-die; we would do anything for each other."
"On the other end of the spectrum, my other best friend of 10 years constantly encouraged me to stay with him, then tried to sleep with him right after we broke up ('tried,' because he was gay, the ex was not, probably would have succeeded otherwise). That friend then ghosted me completely, spread lies about me to our other friends, causing three others to ditch me, stayed friends with my ex, and then contacted me 10 years later to try to convince me to take that same man back."
"Definitely don't take that man back and, SERIOUSLY, just don't be friends with the folks telling you to forgive him."
"If they're part of a larger friend group, you can still be cordial, but don't allow them access to your life." - Dazzling_Material_03
"NOR. You're not damaged goods. I hope you know that, regardless of how many people you have or have not slept with. That has nothing to do with the value of you as a person."
"He's entirely contradicting himself by saying that he doesn't want to be with someone used and then turning around and saying he's the only one who will love someone used. He doesn't make sense, and this is just a tactic to get you to submit to him."
"This sucks, and it hurts. But I sincerely hope you take this as a learning opportunity and can eventually be glad that you realized he is this way at such a young age. You have so much more time ahead of you to find someone who respects you and loves you for who you are instead of how they can control you."
"Keep him blocked, block the 'friends' who defend him, move on. I wish you the very best in moving forward in your life." - anonyhim
"Hon. Take it from someone old enough to be your grandma. This boy is not worth your tears. That s**t is abusive and red pill crap. That mindset doesn’t look at women as people. They look at them as accessories."
"You are not 'used goods.' He is a disgusting human for calling you that. You are a human being deserving of respect."
"Continue blocking, and don’t listen to your 'friends' who are telling you to put up with abuse. Is he insecure? Maybe. But that’s not an excuse for him to abuse you."
"You get to pick who is in your life. You get to decide who gets the privilege of being your boyfriend. Choose someone who lifts you up and makes you feel cherished and safe. That’s what a good relationship looks like. It definitely doesn’t look like this douche canoe."
"You’re gonna be okay. I promise. You’re so much better than this a**hole." - YouKnowYourCrazy
The OP was likely feeling conflicted because of it being her first serious relationship, and being treated this way when she had done nothing wrong would confuse anyone.
But the OP clearly deserved better in her relationships and in her friendships. Anyone who tried to defend this behavior either didn't know what they were talking about or had too low of standards, neither of which the OP had to keep in her life.
