When it comes to shared property, it’s all fun and games until people want to decide ownership.
Special properties like main homes and vacation homes can become not just a financial burden for families but an emotional one.
That’s why so many divorces can get as nasty as they do.
All the good memories are tainted real fast when people start to try and mark their territory.
Case in point…
Redditor Mountain_Cash5850 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to share my vacation home with my in-laws for six months after they sold their house without consulting me?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Background: My husband (35 M[ale]) and I (33 F[emale]) have been married for five years.”
“We own a beautiful vacation home on the beach that we built ourselves and use throughout the year.”
“My in-laws (60s) have always been welcome guests, visiting for a few weeks here and there, and contributing financially towards maintenance costs.”
“Last month, my in-laws suddenly announced they were selling their house to ‘downsize’ and move into a tiny condo.”
“Apparently, they’ve been secretly harboring this idea for months, never mentioning it to me or my husband.”
“They plan to close on the sale in two weeks and then… move into our vacation home for six months while they ‘figure things out.'”
“I was floored. This house is our sanctuary, not a retirement home extension.”
“We use it frequently, have friends and family booked to visit throughout the year, and rely on the income it generates during peak season.”
“My in-laws, on the other hand, haven’t lifted a finger on the property themselves and contributed only minimally.”
“My husband, bless his sweet heart, is more understanding.”
“He feels bad for his parents and believes we can ‘make it work.'”
“His in-laws, sensing my resistance, are now guilt-tripping us, claiming they have nowhere else to go and offering to pay ‘significantly more’ than their usual contribution.”
“On one hand, I feel obligated to help family in need, but on the other, this feels like an outrageous imposition on our personal space and finances.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for refusing to let them move in?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA – it is outrageous.”
“You’d be well within your right to say no.”
“But I’m curious, how is your relationship with them otherwise?”
“How is your husband’s relationship with them?”
“What other options do they have?”
“Again, you have every right to say no and it would not make you the AH, BUT is it worth the damage it could do?”
“In other words, are you okay with whatever fall-out occurs?”
“If you end up deciding to let them stay, I would be very clear about how upset and disrespected you feel and that if they ever pull anything like that again, you are gonna have MAJOR problems.” ~ Living-Highlight7777
“OP needs to find out what the tenancy laws are where the beach house is.”
“If her in-laws get their feet in the door it will take an eviction to get them out again.”
“I would ask her husband if he is willing to blow up their marriage just to literally allow his parents to steal their beach home right out from underneath them.”
“Because make no mistake about it, once in the house, they have no intention of moving out again.” ~ Freya1957
“IT’S A TRAP!!!”
“Their 6-month plan is to never leave.”
“Explain the financial burden they are shouldering onto you in detail.”
“Ask them if they are able to cover the cost their plans have suddenly created for you.”
“If they are not able to cover the cost, ask them where they think the money should come from?”
“Ask them if they are willing to book a hotel and leave when your guests come to town (they aren’t).”
“Then ask them why they decided to spring this upon you (so you couldn’t say no, obviously).”
“Their only plans are to freeload off of you for the rest of their lives.”
“This may be your fate no matter what, the question is, how soon are you going to let them start?”
“60’s is pretty young to be dependent on your kids.” ~ -Maris-
“That’s exactly what I’m thinking.”
“There is no condo. It’s just OP’s holiday home.”
“It’s never a good idea to mix business with family!”
“I Personally don’t think they would even pay the difference from their minimal contribution to a significant contribution.”
“In fact they probably would stop paying at all.”
“OP because of their history I would definitely make this a hill to die on, they are too used to getting their own way. NTA.” ~ Apart_Foundation1702
“I believe your in-laws are intentionally confusing downsizing with outsourcing their living arrangement.”
“They will never leave.”
“You’re 100% right on this one, and also 100% it will create conflict in your relationship with hubby.”
“At least if you don’t let them move in, you only need to deal with conflict and not your home also being taken over.” ~ Cheeseburgers_
“NTA. You depend on income from this property – so what they’re trying to do is effectively confiscate a portion of your income to use for themselves.”
“They’re beyond entitled.”
“They’re not borrowing the use of the property – borrowing requires first asking and second receiving permission.”
“Attempting to take something without asking is stealing.”
“Trying to manipulate and/or guilt someone into turning your attempt at ‘stealing’ something into ‘borrowing’ it instead doesn’t make it any better.”
“It’s beyond pathetic that your husband supports them in this type of behavior.”
“If it was me and they stayed in the guest house, he’d be moving in there with him.”
“If you continue to allow your in-laws to walk all over you – with your husband’s blessing – it will only drive you apart long term.”
“And you’ll end up resenting every single year you spend letting them walk all over you.” ~ MyHairs0nFire2023
“No f’n way!”
“They SHOULD have had things figured out BEFORE they sold their house.”
“How do you know if they even plan on moving out?”
“Where is their furniture going?”
“This would be a marriage-ending decision for me.” ~ Ok_Play2364
OP came back with an Update…
“My relationship with them is strained because this is not the first time they have grossly overstepped.”
“This had led to many a fight between my husband and me.”
“My husband sees no wrong in their behavior and thinks we should just help them.”
“Every time they’re at the vacation home, they’ve commented on how much they love it and would love to live in a place like this at retirement.”
“So I feel this was a very intentional move on their part.”
“Me not letting them stay will create conflict in my marriage, but I’m pretty positive that they will never leave if we let them move in.”
“We co-own the beach house.”
“We bought it in 2020 when interest rates were super low before houses skyrocketed.”
“The in-laws have helped us with projects and pay for a few things but so do my parents.”
“So we have never thought of their contribution as anything but help from parents.”
“They had their annual ‘old farts Christmas party’ (their words, not mine) there this past December and had the place for a week free of charge for them and all their guests.”
“So they definitely have gotten plenty of use of it.”
“We had a come to Jesus moment yesterday, and I was the a**hole to my husband.”
“I told him I was done, and I wasn’t even entertaining them staying there as it’s our business, and this is bad business.”
“I basically told him I was over his mom, and it was at the point I’m about to peace out because I can’t handle her s**t anymore.”
“Previous to this I was no contact with her and would entertain them when they’d come to visit.”
“They never stayed at our house as we live relatively close to them.”
“He still has no clue if they’re truly selling their house, if they’re upside on bills, or if they’re just a**holes, but I honestly don’t care.”
“My parents are immigrants and own a restaurant and have worked their a**es off to create a fantastic life for me and my siblings.”
“They also taught us the value of money and working hard for the things we have.”
“The vacation home was bought cheap but 90% of the renovations were done by me during my free time.”
“Renovations are my true love.”
“Nursing pays the bills (I love it too, but it doesn’t fill the creative cup).”
“I told him he’d lose the house to his parents over my dead body, and if he feels the need to financially set them up, he can do so with the extra money he earns from picking up shifts (also a nurse).”
“Basically, I told him their failure was not an emergency on my part.”
“They have always kept up the Jones’ and spent exorbitantly.”
“So they might be broke, and again, I don’t care.”
“I have barely tolerated his mom for the past few years.”
“I’ll be cordial because I was raised well, but I’m over tolerating their nonsense.”
“I will say he does see all this crap she pulls, but he was raised that mom knows best.”
“He’s Puerto Rican so this is partially cultural.”
“But, I’m done.”
“I worked yesterday and busted my a** and then drove the kids to the beach house last night and picked up dinner, and we are there, and I just thought f**k no.”
“So time will tell, but he called his parents and on speaker phone told them they couldn’t stay, but the offer to condo hunt is still open.”
“But he needs to know the price range and all that jazz.”
“His mom cried, and I flipped the phone off.”
“So, as of this moment, it’s not happening.”
“I also told him if it’s a problem, he can quit the claim deed for the beach house, and I’ll cover the expenses and manage it myself.”
“Cause momma don’t play.”
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
It’s your house, your rules.
Hopefully, your husband will step up more.
So stay strong.