Dad Balks When Stepson's Girlfriend Insists He Stop Eating Meat And Drinking While She Lives There

Making a visiting guest feel welcome is usually a house rule.

Who doesn't like to be a gracious host?

But sometimes certain guests have requests or suggestions that may seem... out of line.

When this happens the visit tends to take a sour turn.

Because it's often expected that guests will also be gracious.

Redditor spaceneededaita wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

"AITA For not changing how I live for my step-son's G[irl]F[riend]?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"My stepson, Ben (20 M[ale]), is living with us right now during summer break from college."

"About a month ago, he asked if his GF from college, Liv, could stay with us the rest of the summer because she is going through a rough time at home."

"I wasn't fully on board with the idea because we already have our 2 other kids (11 and 9) in the house and having 4 adults and 2 kids in our space is a lot."

"My wife has a soft spot for Ben and struggles to say no to him, so my concerns were dismissed and now Liv is living with us until they go back to school."

"There have been a few issues that have come up since Liv came, pretty much all of which have to do with me."

"First, one of the big reasons Liv wanted to change her living situation is because her parents are alcoholics."

"Now, I don't drink every day but I do have alcohol in the house and I like to imbibe with a meal sometimes or have a few cocktails on weekends."

"This is triggering for Liv to see a parent drinking with kids around."

"Second, Liv is vegan."

"We eat a lot of meat in our house."

"Pretty much every meal has a meat involved."

"I also hunt, so we eat meat that I have harvested and I have a few mounts on the walls."

"This makes Liv especially uncomfortable."

"Ben and Liv sat down with my wife and me this past weekend and offered some suggestions to help make Liv's time here easier."

"Their first suggestion was that if I want to drink, I should do it in private and not around the kids."

"I tried to interject when they suggested this, but they asked me to let them finish before saying anything."

"Their next suggestion was to allow Liv to cook vegan meals for us so that we didn't eat so much meat all the time."

"She offered to do grocery shopping and meal planning to provide vegan meals for us instead of our usual meals."

"Finally, they asked if I could remove the mounts from the walls of the house until they go back to school in 6 weeks."

"When they finished, I asked if it was ok for me to talk now and they said yes."

"I told them that my answer to all of their suggestions is 'No.'"

"I told them that while I appreciate Liv's offer to cook for us and she is free to cook a few vegan meals for us during the week if she wants, but we are not going to completely change our diets for one person."

"But as far as their other suggestions... not happening."

"My wife spoke up and said that maybe it wouldn't hurt to try their suggestions for a little bit and see how things go."

"She said it's only 6 weeks and that changing our lifestyles a little bit for a short period wouldn't kill us."

"I told all 3 of them that if they want to change the way they live, they are free to do so."

"But they are not going to force me to change the way I live in my own home for a temporary guest."

"I told them if that means I cook separate meals for myself, so be it."

"But the mounts stay, and if I want a beer or a glass of wine, I'm going to have one."

"All 3 of them think I am being unreasonable and that they aren't asking too much of me for a short period of time."

The OP was left to wonder:

"AITA?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

"NTA - your wife is correct in that it's only six short weeks, so precious Livvy will be fine and can practice her tolerance skills!!!"

"If she's not comfy, perhaps these free accommodations are not the best for her."

"Hopefully, your stepson wakes up and does not marry this entitled twit." ~ Shutupandplayball

"And OP, maybe have a private conversation with your wife first, and ask her if you and she were to visit and stay with any of your friends and wider family, would she be happy to sit them down with a list of demands for changes to their home and habits during your visit?!"

"Pick some specific examples, especially people who have habits that are annoying or add odds with yours, and see if she thinks it acceptable guest behavior then."

"Literally the only acceptable change request examples I can think of are safety related, eg.. moving glass ornaments or using a stair gate because the guests have a toddler, or no nuts in the house because a guest is anaphylactic allergic to them. NTA." ~ perusalandtea

"I'm sorry if Liv is so 'uncomfortable,' then it might be in Liv's best interest to find somewhere else to live!"

"Rather than disrupting your household by redecorating your home, changing the family diet, and making you go on the wagon or become a closeted drinker!"

"Who does she think she is? NTA." ~ YouthNAsia63

"NTA. This girl is going to have a difficult time adjusting to reality."

"She is getting free housing and wants it to adjust to her."

"You did say some vegan meals are fine, so you are willing to do enough compromising."

"I assume she had been to the house previously and knew what it was like." ~ Having-hope3594

"NTA. This is a great lesson to them that you cannot always control the world around you, and you certainly cannot control other people."

"She is lucky to be a guest and guests should never make the kind of asks she is making; it is not polite or respectful."

"If your lifestyle is so hard for her, then your home is not the safe place she needs, and she should make other arrangements."

"The biggest issue I see is why does your wife think this is okay?"

"Has she been making some similar requests to yours before?"

"PS. I am taking you at your word you drink lightly. If you drink more than two tipples every day, they might have a point." ~ TheEmpressIsIn

OP responded...

"My wife has never made any suggestions like this before."

"But, like I said, she has a soft spot for Ben."

"She had him when she was quite young, and I think a part of her wants to be the 'cool mom.'"

"As for the drinking, I don't drink often."

"Some weeks I will drink 2-3 days."

"Sometimes I will go 1-2 weeks without a sip."

"But I have it in the house, and if the mood strikes or I want to pair a drink with a meal, I do it."

Reddit continued...

"My wife once told me that when we were dating she worried about my drinking because her parents are alcoholics."

"But after a while, she realized that I never drank to get drunk and that I was very responsible with my drinking."

"She mentioned this because I had let my oldest drive us home when I had had a few drinks at a family get-together."

"I stuck to my 1 per hour drink limit and wasn't feeling any effects of alcohol."

"But I didn't want to set a bad example for my kids, so I just handed over the keys."

"It sounds to me like you are providing a good example for safe, moderate alcohol consumption." ~ SonOfDadOfSam

"My dad was an alcoholic (he did stop drinking and died a sober man), but my mom worried her kids would turn out that way."

"She could not shake it."

"Mind you, I have literally gone a few years without drinking just because. No reason."

"Just wasn't in the mood."

"I can take it or leave it, and most of the time, I leave it."

"So, I'm 60 and having a glass of wine, and she comments on it."

"I said, 'I'm sixty. If I haven't exhibited any signs of alcoholism by now, I think it's safe to assume I'm good here.'"

"She finally conceded that was true."

"However, she never ever commented on anyone's drinking outside of her kids."

"Liv is TA here, along with wife and son."

"OP is NTA for any of it."

"The gall. Honestly." ~ One-Low1033

"Your wife is the real problem here."

"She disregarded your concerns about the girlfriend moving in and then has the audacity to back said girlfriend's ridiculous requests."

"She's the biggest a**hole in this situation. NTA." ~ scout1982

"NTA. I believe it is crazy to come into someone else's house as a guest and think that you get to control how they live."

"She gets to control herself."

"She doesn't get to control you."

"She doesn't get to control the whole house."

"I think your wife and son need lessons in appropriate boundaries."

"Liv's requests are not reasonable." ~ SushiGuacDNA

"NTA. The issues Liv has are hers to manage."

"Hiding to drink is much more of an issue than being responsible and public about your intake."

"Offering to cook all meals is nice, but you're not required to change everything about your diet for a long-term guest."

"I think Liv needs some therapy."

"It's good she has a safe place to stay, but she needs to learn to manage her own triggers and work through issues without demanding others change their lives on her behalf." ~ Willing-Helicopter26

"NTA - Your stepson and his gf are young enough to think they get to have an opinion while living rent-free in your house."

"Your wife is weak. Stay strong."

"It's your home first and foremost."

"If they complain they are free to leave." ~ BeeJackson

"Imagine having the audacity to ask your hosts to change how they behave in their own home."

"Absolutely NTA."

"This is a good life lesson for Liv that not everyone in the world will cater to her precious feelings." ~ theworldisonfire8377

"NTA - it's only 6 weeks, so changing her lifestyle for such a short period won't kill her." ~ SunshineShoulders87

Well, OP, Reddit is with you.

This is your home.

You're entitled to live as you wish.

It may be time for you and your wife to have a serious talk about Ben and boundaries.