Letting go is difficult.
After losing or saying goodbye to someone, we often look for ways to hold on to them.
More often than not, by keeping a keepsake or item that holds a special meaning or connection to that individual.
But sometimes, holding on to things is also what's holding us back, requiring us to make what might seem like painful decisions.
Redditor BuddyLopsided1784 recently lost their wife.
And all around their house were reminders of her, which kept her memory alive, but also made the original poster (OP) very sad.
This led the OP to make a fairly bold decision.
A decision which ended up infuriating their children.
Wondering if they were out of line, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA telling my kids they can go get their mothers stuff at the local goodwill?"
The OP explained why their children were furious about the way they handled their late mother's things:
"I lost my spouse around a year ago."
"It was ongoing, and I knew it was coming."
"All of the kids are grown and out of the home. It has been a rough year and living in a home filled with their stuff has been getting to much."
"It makes me depressed; it is like living in a museum that I never can get away from."
"I didn’t realize how bad it was until I left to visit family, and I didn’t want to come home."
"I have to live there and I decided that I want to clean it out and not make it a museum of the dead."
"I did keep a few things that are sentimental, but I don’t need to see my spouse's shoes at the front door or all the clothes that won’t get worn again."
"I packed up a few boxes of what I want to keep and told my kids to come over to get anything of their mothers."
"They never came over."
"I told them I am going to toss/ donate their mother’s stuff and still they did not come over."
"I did this for about a month before I started to even move stuff to the garage."
"Around 2 weeks ago I started the long process of getting rid of a lot of her things."
"The house is much nicer and I don’t dread coming home to it anymore."
"I was avoiding it by going to the bar after work but know I don’t have to."
"The issue is my daughter came over yesterday to pick up some decorations for a party."
"She got very upset when she saw the house and started yelling at me for getting rid of their mom’s stuff."
"I reminded her I was doing that and I told everyone multiple times."
"She apparently didn’t think I was serious about it and was pissed."
"The rest of the kids are pissed that I got rid of her stuff."
"That they denied them getting stuff from their mothers."
"Again I told them at least 15 time to come get anything they wanted. I even told them when I was starting to pack it up to donate."
"I told them to go to the local Goodwill for her stuff because that is where I put basically everything."
"They got more pissed saying they should have to pay for her sh*t. I reminded them I gave them plenty of time to come get things."
"I didn’t hide this, I was very clear about this."
"They are still pissed."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for giving away their wife's things and telling their children that if they wanted them back, they would have to buy them at Goodwill.
Everyone agreed that the OP's children were given multiple reminders to claim what they wanted, and thus had no right to be angry, with others shocked that none of them offered to help the OP move and clear out their late mother's things:
"NTA."
"They should've helped you do this."
"I'm sorry you had to do it alone."- pottersquash
"NTA."
"Everyone grieves differently."
"You still live in the house and they do not."
"Constantly being around your wife's things was hurting your ability to heal."
"You told them multiple times you were going to let her things go and gave them plenty of time to come get what they wanted."
"They didn't take you seriously."
"I am sorry for your loss."- thechaoticstorm
"I’m sorry for your loss."
"NTA."- BarnacleOk6561
"Going to say NTA based on the fact you gave them several reminders and warnings you were going to get rid of things."
"If it was that important, they should have heeded it."- WholeAd2742
"NTA."
"Sorry for your loss."
"You gave them proper communication."- ExcellentMaize4141
"NTA."
"You did tell them several times."- Important-Round-9098
"They were warned multiple times and given a chance to get what they want."
"NTA."- ConflictGullible392
"NTA, and I’m terribly sorry for your loss."
"I hope things brighten up."- RecommendationIll39
"NTA and I'm sorry for your loss."
"Your children are likely lashing out due to grief, but from your account it sounds as though you gave them multiple opportunities to come to your home and take what they wanted."
"It's not your fault they thought you weren't serious, that's on them."- chamekrystaleon
"NTA."
"Not even close."
"They owe you an apology."- Putrid_Dream9755
"NTA."
"They are now dealing with the consequences of their inaction."
"That isn't on you."- Impressive_Moment786
"NTA."
"I can give them the excuse of, they are also dealing with the loss of their mother as you are your wife and I can understand their avoidance, but also, like you said, you are living in the house and seeing all of her things and you want it gone."
"You can’t just choose to avoid it like the kids can."
"You did your due diligence and gave them more than enough time to come and get what they wanted."
"When my grandmother died, I was initially shocked by how quickly my grandfather was getting rid of so much of her stuff by either donating it or having family come and pick what they want, but that’s what he needed."
"I don’t think I could lose my husband and just decide to look at all of his stuff around the house."
"It would give me the false hope that things are normal and he’d be back and that wouldn’t be the case."- Suitable_Fly7730
"NTA."
"You gave them multiple chances to come get anything they’d like to have kept."
"Your grief shouldn’t be deepened or extended just because they don’t want to face theirs, that’s just cruelty wrapped in denial."-shortifiable
"NTA."
"I’m so sorry for your loss, and theirs."
"Death brings out the worst in people."- CLPDX1
"Absolutely NTA."
"When one of my parents died, the other also rearranged the furniture in a couple of rooms to help them in the grief process."
"They didn't buy anything, just rearranged things they already had because they couldn't bear seeing the rooms look the same as when their spouse was living."- Katesouthwest
"NTA."
"For some people, a year would be a little quick."
"But it sounds like you gave them ample warning, and they just never made time for it."
"So naturally, you assume it's not that important to them."
"Saying I didn't think you were serious is not an excuse."- blavek
"You informed the kids you were going to get rid of the stuff in a timely and firm manner?"
"Assuming the kids are easily able to come over and pick up the stuff and declined to do so."
"Probably would've been better to hold onto the boxes and ask daughter to take them when she was picking up decorations but you did give them a chance."
"NTA."
"Glad you are finding some peace in your home again."- kt_m_smith
"NTA."
"I do understand them being a bit iffy abt getting rid of her stuff but at the end of the day it’s your choice as it’s your house you’re coming home to. you gave them multiple reminders and heads up which they chose not to acknowledge."
"this seems like a them problem."- leylafineshytt
"NTA at all."
"Your kids are though."
"Do they always ignore everything you say over and over and then yell at you about it, or was it just this?"
"I would tell them they at AHs for not being more supportive of you during this process."
"They should’ve been there to go through some of the things that were happy memories and also to help shoulder the whole multi-step burden."
"They should’ve found places to take some of the things and dropped off loads at Goodwill as well."- briannainamagua
It would have been one thing if the OP completely blindsided their children, and they came home one day to discover all their mother's possessions were gone.
That was not the case, however, as they were given several warnings that this was happening, which they apparently chose to ignore.
As many others pointed out, it's even more surprising that none of them thought the OP might need some help in doing this, ignoring what they might be going through.
One can only hope this anger is a result of their grief.
