There's a reason that "in sickness and in health" is included in standard wedding vows, and only the best of marriages seem to get this vow right.
At some point in other marriages, one person inevitably will start prioritizing their wants and needs over any medical need their partner has, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor seeker_of_opinions underwent surgery to have her fallopian tubes removed six weeks after giving birth to avoid having another baby, and she needed time to rest.
Instead, her husband left the Original Poster (OP) home alone with their three-year-old and six-week-old for hours on end.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by being mad at my husband for abandoning me right after my surgery?"
The OP underwent major surgery after giving birth.
"I (36 Female) had surgery today to remove my fallopian tubes."
"I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy six weeks ago, and we both decided he would be our last child. We already have a 3-year-old daughter together, in addition to our children from previous relationships."
"I got the procedure this morning but, unfortunately, my husband (34 Male) couldn't be with me at the hospital because he had to keep the baby. I knew this would be the case and was fully expecting him to just drop me off and pick me up after, which he did."
"We stopped around the corner from our house on the way back from the hospital and waited for our three-year-old to get off the school bus before heading home."
The OP was shocked by what her husband did next.
"Here's the part I wasn't expecting: he just dropped us off at home and left. That was a little before 3:00 PM, and now here it is, almost 9:30 PM, and he's still off somewhere with his friends."
"I sent him a text, letting him know I was upset by his choices, but he thinks I'm being extra and overreacting because it was 'just a same-day surgery.'"
"I thought I'd seek some unbiased opinions from internet strangers, so am I overreacting?"
"AIO?"
The OP then updated the post with more information about her husband.
"In fairness to him, I want to clarify something. He did not respond to me expressing that I was upset about him leaving by telling me I was overreacting or being extra. He responded by not responding at all."
"I assume he thinks I’m overreacting for two reasons:"
"1. his actions clearly showed me he wasn’t taking it seriously. I know if he believed it was major, he would have been here."
"2. We were bickering in the car on the way to the hospital about the fact that I slept through my alarm, so we all got up late, and my daughter missed the bus to school. There’s apparently a policy that states if a student misses the bus three times, they’ll be suspended from the bus. I was unaware of this because I admittedly only looked at the bus pass to check her pick-up and drop-off time."
"She had already missed the bus once because the baby was fussier than usual that morning, and I had to keep interrupting the process of getting her ready to tend to him. After a minute or two of fussing back and forth, I said, 'Can we not do this right now? Instead of arguing with me, can you offer me some comfort and reassurance? I’m anxious about this surgery as it is,' and he responded to THAT by telling me I was being extra because it’s just a same-day surgery."
The OP's husband was gone with his friends for eight hours.
"He came home at 11:00 PM (four hours AFTER I told him how I felt about him leaving me alone) and told me he knows that he was wrong and he apologized."
"I told him in response that I acknowledge him admitting he was wrong/apologizing, but I feel like due to his response (or lack thereof) to me being upset and the overall tone of the conversation surrounding his apology, I did not feel like he regretted his wrong choice."
"He said that he’s sorry that the way he was communicating left me feeling like he wasn’t genuinely sorry."
"I’m still not over it and don’t feel as though the matter is resolved for me, but I don’t want to drag it out either, so I’m not sure if it’s worth bringing back up at this point."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that her husband absolutely should have been there for her and their children.
"With a three-year-old and a six-WEEK-old, he shouldn't be out with his friends for six hours or more, full stop. Let alone when you've just had surgery. That's insane." - Lamberly
"I’m gonna add that it’s crazy you had to have surgery at all, especially only six weeks postpartum, when he could’ve (presumably) gotten a vasectomy. I wonder if he’d be okay with you leaving him with two babies for six hours after that. He’s a jerk." - Difficult-Tax-3628
"You’re not even supposed to lift anything over, like, 20 pounds for a bit either after that procedure, and possibly on strong pain meds that you tell you to not operate a vehicle, and he left you with a baby and a toddler… until almost midnight… F**king yikes." - justayounglady
"NOR. Previous recovery room nurse here. Patients who have had anesthesia are not to be alone for at least the first 24 hours. That’s not even addressing the lifting limitations and the fact that you have a newborn and other children you shouldn’t have to worry about right now. Your husband is a useless, selfish a**hole." - myocardia27
"So let’s see, that means you did dinner, possibly bath, books, and bedtime for the three-year-old, multiple feedings and changes for the baby, maybe fed yourself, assuming you had time/energy, which you probably didn’t. All while being fresh from serious surgery and in pain? And six weeks out from giving birth??"
"Why don’t you text him and see if he’d like you to start some laundry or paint the house or something? And would it kill you to put on something sexy?"
"You deserve better. Start seeing it. NOR." - Adventurous_Ad_6546
"How often does he just leave the house to be with his friends while you’re at home taking care of the kids?"
"And the fact that you're still trying to defend him is insane! 'In fairness to him...' I cannot believe you’re still trying to defend his actions when he ABANDONED you immediately right after surgery!"
"You said the word abandoned, and you have to come to the internet to validate your feelings??"
"Is this the type of neglect and absolute disregard for you as a wife, a mom, a person, you want for the rest of your life?" - Idgafff1111ff
Others agreed and went so far as to suggest divorce because of this.
"If he was my husband, he wouldn’t be allowed back in the house, and I’d be calling divorce lawyers. How are you not irate??" - truth_fairy78
"NOR. Holy s**t, your husband is a dirtbag. I’d be talking to a lawyer."
"You sure he’s with friends and not an affair partner? If he’s with friends, they should be telling him to go home. He should be ashamed of himself."
"This is unforgivable. I'd tell his parents they raised a selfish dirtbag." - wishingforarainyday
"So my dad dropped my mom off at home after she got a temporary cast when she broke her leg and left her with a four-week-old and a three-year-old. He went to the bar. He got progressively less involved with each baby (three total), and she eventually divorced him." - NewMeNewUsername
"It's not crazy, it's disgustingly selfish. I hope you think long and hard about this relationship and whether this is someone you can count on when you're sick, busy at work, or just generally need support. You're not stuck with this person forever if you want better for yourself and your kids." - megggie
"Think of your children. Would you be happy if your children had this happen to them or if your child did this to someone? I know I wouldn't want that for my daughter/granddaughters, and I d**n sure would be kicking my grandsons' as**es if they treated their partners/wife's like this!" - DaphneNScoobyDoo
"This isn’t what love looks like. NOR." - MyRedditUserName427
"NOR. The f**k you mean you just expelled the contents of your gut six weeks ago, got your fallopian tubes removed TODAY, and you're carrying on alone? No. No. Immediately no."
"I don't even know how you were able to type this without folding the keyboard in half."
"HE got you pregnant, HE watched you carry, HE watched you breastfeed, HE watches you manage the household with all them d**n mouths to fill... and still HE allowed YOU to undergo surgery in your fourth trimester so HIS SPUNK won't get YOU pregnant again?"
"Mind you, he could've gotten a (reversible) vasectomy himself. THE GAG IS, HE WOULD'VE ACTUALLY BEEN UP AND ABOUT WITHIN 24 HOURS POST-OP COMPARED TO YOUR SEVEN TO TEN DAYS."
"I don't know how you plan to move forward, but bookmark this page in your love story."
"I don't care about how he treats you literally any other time. He allows you to carry, birth, breastfeed, etc., his seed... and he'll elect for you to endure the pain and physical trauma of a salpingectomy on top of it all."
"Like, girl. You've been sliced and diced. You're not supposed to move as you normally would to avoid swelling, inflammation, developing a hematoma, or a HERNIA. AND HE JUST LEFT YOU AND THE KIDS."
"God forbid an accident or something happens that you can't render aid in time/to the best of your ability. The only other caretaker in your household doesn't even care to fill in and manage the children while you're occupied with post-op care." - megantrainorslips
While the OP wanted to be fair to her husband in her portrayal of him, the subreddit wasn't interested in that. All they could see were the really important parts, like the part where her husband elected for her to have a more invasive surgery than his outpatient option and that he was willing to leave her and their kids alone for hours on end to go have a good time.
That doesn't sound like what wedding vows are usually based on.
