Sometimes, people demand something from us and we are absolutely blindsided by the level of entitlement these humans seem to have. How are we to meet that demand reasonably without nearly laughing in their faces?
Reddit user Super_Pizza2985 found himself in a rather outlandish situation where his roommate demanded she and her boyfriend get to keep his apartment because it was working out great for them.
Completely and totally gobsmacked by the audacity of this moment, he went to the popular subReddit "Am I The A**hole?" or "AITA" to get a little perspective on how he handled it.
He asked:
"AITA for not wanting to leave my own apartment?"
Our original poster, or OP, set the stage upon which his roommate made such a ridiculous demand.
"I'll keep this vague to avoid recognition since I'm believe the parts involved actually use reddit."
"I'm a 28 year old male, and I've been friends with my roommate, a 25 female, ever since we were babies."
"Our families were neighbors and we grew up together. She's like a little sister to me and has always been."
These old friends now live together.
"After she graduated college she moved to the same city I currently work in, and since she couldn't find an apartment close enough to where she worked I told her she could live with me. We'd share bills and become roommates."
"We never really had problems or fights as we known each other for so long. However, recently, things taken a strange turn. She got involved with someone from her work."
This new boyfriend seems to have some hang-ups.
"The guy seemed to be a nice guy. I only ever spoken to him three times as they usually keep to her room. But he was very friendly and honestly I was happy she found someone who seemed that nice."
"After a few months of their relationship, she sent me a text saying she needed to talk with me. I figured there might be something wrong with the apartment."
"It's not uncommon for things to break."
"But I was wrong. When I got home we started to talking. It's too long to write everything, so I'll just summarize."
OP and his roommate had a surprising conversation.
"She told me that while she enjoyed living with me, her boyfriend was starting to get jealous of his woman living with another man."
"At first I raised an eyebrow but thought that this kind of thing isn't uncommon. So I was like 'Oh, it's fine. Just let me know when you plan on leaving, hope you two find a good place!'"
"However, apparently I was wrong.""She told me that she wasn't leaving."
"She said that it was impossible to find someone closer to her work and that she was hoping I would let her take the apartment instead, since my work wasn't close and all that."
"Thing is, I really love my place. It's close to the gym, to the grocery store, to pretty much everything."
"I'm not gonna just leave my place because of something so stupid as this, and I told that flat out that it wasn't going to happen."
OP's roommate was very upset.
"She got visibly upset and started to rant about me being an egoistical a**hole. That I didn't have empathy to put myself in her shoes."
"This happened a few days ago, and she's shut herself in her room only ever leaving to go to work or to pick up her boyfriend, who became really unfriendly to me after that."
"Now, usually, I can be an a**hole. But I don't think this was one of these times."
"So I thought I would ask for Reddit's verdict."
"Am I really such an a**hole?"
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
All agreed OP was not at fault here.
"Lemme get this straight: you have known her for over TWO DECADES. You welcome her into your home, and now she expects you to leave so she can live with her jealous BF that she's just gotten on with?"
"NTA, bro, she is. Big time. Look at how she treats someone who is like a sibling."~meatcube
"NTA. Why, siblings (or almost siblings) can be entitled/stupid too! Lol"
"Some people just can't help themselves!"
"Few years ago , I was looking for a place to rent when I moved to new place for a contract job, there were a couple of others in the same situation."
"So we thought the group look for a 2/3 bedroom to share. Mean everybody was also secretly looking for single spots and moved in separately, they told after they've finalized their plans."
"So I had to do the same and found something (a bit more expensive because it was at the last minute and I couldn't stay longer in a hotel )."
"One of them didn't like their roommates and called me asking if I wanted to move out of my room and search for a new place to share with them."
"I laughed to myself and politely declined. I should've laughed in their face and asked them if they were for real!"~risfun
"NTA - it was your place first, and she's the one having an issue with the living situation. If her new bf has such a problem with her living with you then he should offer her to move in with him."
"What she ends up doing is totally her choice but you shouldn't be forced to move and I think she's being incredibly unreasonable."~Academic_Nobody_4964
"NTA. Your friend is acting like an entitled idiot but I'm more concerned that a guy she's known for about 5 seconds has her trying to get rid of you to appease his jealousy."
"If you care about your friend let her know you're still on her side but the boyfriend's behaviour is controlling and dangerous too."
"www.loveisrespect.org is a good place to start, but your friend might be too deep to see the problem here, all you can do is highlight the boyfriend's behaviour but don't give up your apartment."~Blobfish_Blues
The audacity of his roommate to suggest he is at fault for not agreeing to step aside for her controlling boyfriend was not lost on the Redditors who weighed in.
"NTA. You let her live in YOUR place with you. If she doesn't want to live with you anymore, she can fucking move."
"She's being really selfish and entitled and honestly it sounds like you may consider her a friend, but she only considers you a friend when you do things for her and give her her way."~the_last_basselope
"NTA - WTF did I just read?"
"She moves into your place to begin with, gets a jealous bf - and is now mad that you're not moving out when your only part in creating this situation is that you were kind enough to take her in?"
"That's just ridiculous. She needs to leave. And don't even get me started on her weirdo bf."~FeedThePug
"NTA. You originally lived in the apartment on your own and let her be your roommate because she couldn't afford another place."
"Now her turning around to this is ridiculous. Give her 30 days to vacate and wash your hands of this issue."
"When I say 'this issue', I mean her as well. You've been friends since childhood and she's turning this on you for a new relationship."
"Her ego is the one that's out of check. You had empathy when you let her live with you."~cheffyjayp
"NTA Listen up, OP. Don't you dare question your decision or feel guilty about remaining in the home you were living in before you offered her a place to stay!"
"Be calm and rational when she offers her ridiculous arguments."
"You're egotistical. Okay...ask her to explain how it's egotistical for you to remain in the apartment you were living in prior to her moving in. There's no reasonable answer to that bc it's not egotistical!"
"You have no empathy. Untrue - you told her you understood her position and there would be no hard feelings if she decided to move out."
"When she says these things, what she really means is 'this is what I want. I don't care if it's the right or fair thing because I want it so now you should do it.'"
"Talk about a lack of empathy and over-inflated ego."
"Please do not give in to her absurd demands to upend your life to placate her deranged boyfriend."
"Since she's cool with being 'his woman,' he can re-home her as you would any other piece of property. FFS."~JuicyWartRemoval
And she has no legal standing to make him leave.
"NTA but be prepared for them to start sh*t. They'll start picking at little things and make them a big deal."
"They will look for ways to to sabotage your living arrangements. They won't leave voluntarily."
"They see it as her apartment not yours. I'd make sure all the paperwork is in order and make sure everything is in your name."
"Why can't she move in with him? 'His woman.' Red flags everywhere."~tnichols14
"Your home is your sanctuary. Your home should be your safe place and now your friend and her boyfriend are being hostile to you in your sanctuary."
"Unless she apologises and keeps her insecure bf in line give her 30 days notice or (if you're feeling generous) until the pandemic eases up to move out. NTA."~FloppyEaredDog
"Lol, NTA. How can you think you're the AH here?"
"It's your place, none of her business if your workplace is far or nearby, as it's none of your business if she demands such a foolish thing."
"You showed empathy when she couldn't find a place to stay when she moved, how this person can be so entitled to call you an empathetic AH?"
"I would've told her to grab her things and just leave right on the spot."
"P. S. The reason behind this is a controlling partner, I don't know if she realized yet but that's going to be a problem for her sooner or later."~Soft_Pilot1025
"NTA. She doesn't have the right to expect you to rearrange your entire life to accommodate her."
"She and (presumably) her boyfriend are adults who, as they (I presume) both have paychecks."
"When combined, their paychecks may be enough to rent something acceptable to them."
"If the boyfriend is jealous of someone's brother, he can offer to share an apartment and split costs elsewhere with your roommate."
"Or he can suck it up and deal with the fact she will interact platonically with other guys at some point."~SnooDoughnuts7171
Some people just really do not have a valid reason for wanting the things they want, but demand them anyway.
Even if it's uncomfortable for OP's roommate, this is one of those situations where she really lashed out at him because he wouldn't be her doormat.
Hopefully, if her boyfriend is as controlling as he seems, she gets far away from that relationship soon.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.