Many would agree that the biggest downside of being a bridesmaid is having to wear a dress that not everyone loves.
Sometimes that also includes make-up and hair choices that they would never normally wear.
Like ever.
Bridesmaids go through with it, nonetheless, to show how much they love their friend about to enter her next chapter.
Even if they secretly (or not so secretly) can't wait to get out of those dresses or change their hairstyles.
Redditor formallyacowfrog was recently a bridesmaid for a good friend of hers.
A friend who wanted her bridesmaids to wear their hair in a very specific way.
Although this hairstyle differed from what the original poster (OP) usually wore, she went along with it.
When she reverted to her usual hairstyle shortly after the wedding was over, the OP's friend was less than happy to see this.
Having some doubts about her behavior, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for buzzing the hair I grew out to be my friends maid of honor while she was on her honeymoon?"
The OP explained why her change of hairstyles was not appreciated by her recently married friend:
"I (24 F[emale]) like having short hair, I always have short hair."
"Anyway, my friend (23 F) got engaged, and we were looking at hairstyles for her wedding."
"She had a vision board (not that she had called it that) full, that she had clearly already spent months, if not years, knowing her curating."
"All the hairstyles were long and similar, with a few short ones like mine, which she had clearly added at the last minute."
"I could tell by the way she talked she was less than enthusiastic about the short hairstyles despite trying to be (even her husband's hair is past his shoulders)."
"So I told her I'd grow it out and get extensions, I was curious how it'd look long anyway, I first cut it when I was 9."
"For me it was always temporary, but as the wedding got pushed back (2 years) it got longer, down to about my armpit."
"While it was long, I had fun with it, I learned braids and intricate styles."
"Anyway, the wedding happened at the end of February, I had the same beautiful updo as the other bridesmaids, and I decided the experiment was great, but I was going back into my comfort zone and buzzed it all off."
"I would have had no regrets if that was the end."
"I posted on Instagram a picture of my new hair and captioned it 'wedding over, hedgehogs back'."
"I got a DM from a few people asking if my long hair was for the wedding. I mistook their concern for curiosity and told them, yeah, my friend likes long hair."
"I saw her the next week, and she was furious at me for telling people she was a controlling bridezilla over something that was my idea."
"She was unaware that I was keeping my hair long for her and thought I had genuinely just liked it."
"I cleared it up with people, but they don't believe me they think she's pressured me into saying that."
"It's a mess, and my friend isn't talking to me."
"Who's the A**hole here? What do I do?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While the Reddit community generally agreed that the OP wasn't an a**hole for cutting her hair after the wedding, they were a bit more divided as to whether or not they thought she was the a**hole for her behavior.
Some felt that she wasn't an a**hole for cutting her hair, and didn't necessarily do anything wrong, but should have chosen her words more carefully, and definitely should have considered clarifying the situation on social media:
"Just make a post saying 'for anyone concerned, I was not asked to grow out my hair, I did it as I knew it would make my friend happy, even if she would never ask me herself. It was a fun experiment, I enjoyed the different things I got to try, but at the end of the day, I missed my short hair and was excited to share that it's back'."
"For anyone who is calling bridezilla or such, they obviously don't know you or her."
"People are going to draw whatever conclusions they want and nothing you say will change their minds."
"NTA."- Sunnyok85
"NTA."
"You were giving a gift to your friend because you care about her."
"Similar to bridesmaids wearing a dress they despise because the bride picked it - but WAY more thoughtful."
"You are a very good friend."- lorindaja
Others, however, understood why the OP's friend felt her post illuminated her in a negative light and felt the OP should have realized this:
"YTA."
"You wanted to vent about your clearly unresolved emotions about leaving your hair long - instead of processing it yourself or discussing them with your friend like an adult, you wrote a cheeky caption and got the fawning you'd been hoping for."
"You're only confused as to why publicly pinning your friend's wedding as the reason you changed yourself is weird and rude, because there have been repercussions for you too. This is sneaky, full stop. you deserve her cold shoulder."- West-Sound405
"YTA, not for cutting your hair, but for posting what could very easily be interpreted as a backhanded caption towards your friend."- SaladSlut123
"Gentle YTA."
"While you may not have intended it, you implied you only kept your long hair for the wedding and now your friend is catching unnecessary heat, when you well knew you could've had short hair for the wedding and chose to grow it out."- -ciscoholdmusic-
"You are not AN a**hole but soft YTA."
"You grew your hair for several years to help your friend have her dream wedding aesthetic."
"That's a great friend."
"I do think it would have been nice of you to add something like 'friend was totally cool with me having short hair, for the record' on the original post."
"This situation seems pretty predictable without that."- OkayDay21
"YTA."
"Because you made the whole haircut post about the wedding."
"Obviously, people are going to think you've been desperately waiting to have it all cut off, and it makes it look like she pressured you."
"I understand if that wasn't your intention, but you should definitely do what you can to put it right."-Weary_Comparison_928
"NTA for buzzing your hair immediately after the wedding."
"YTA for your post and replies on social media implying that your friend was a bridezilla who made you grow it out."- DameChungus
"YTA."
"You decided to grow it out bc you felt she wanted it."
"Then posted a picture of the cut and blamed the long hair on her."
"You're not wrong for cutting your hair, you're wrong for the caption."- whatever3232
"YTA a bit."
"The way you phrased the caption reads as if you were required to grow your hair out for the wedding."
"Not as if you suggested it yourself."- Own_Device_1142
"Leaning YTA."
"I don't believe that you 'mistook their concern for curiosity', it reads a little like you're playing dumb on that."
"And the fact that people don't believe you when you tried to clear it up does make it sound like you were inauthentically following up. like reinforcing the 'bridezilla' thing by making it seem like she wanted you to do damage control."- coolguy4206969
"YTA for making your friend look like one."
"If you had replied to DMs with something along the lines of 'sort of - I was curious about long hair anyway and thought she might appreciate it', then it would have been fine."
"But you made it sound like your friend made you grow your hair out for her wedding, which wasn't true - you made her look bad, and she didn't deserve it."- ProfessorLopsided787
While others could see the point of view from both the OP and her friend:
"NAH."
"It would have been better for you to tell the DMers that this was a fun experiment for the wedding."
"I can see why people misinterpreted your words, but this was totally unintentional on your part and doesn't make you an a**hole."
"It's fair that your friend feels hurt that people are thinking of her in a bad light over this, especially since it doesn't seem like she truly pressured you at all."
"Awkward stuff happens, it'll blow over."- starchy2ber
"NAH."
"You apparently didn't realize people took* your caption the wrong way, but you tried to correct their misinterpretation."
"Just keep correcting them the next few times it comes up, then let it go."- ArcanelyChaotic
The OP wouldn't be the first bridesmaid to dislike her required wedding hairstyle.
However, it's also easy to see how the OP's friend might have seen her post come off a bit too relieved.
Hopefully, with a civil conversation and possibly a public apology, what seemed to be a simple misunderstanding might all get cleared up.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.