Many would agree that the biggest downside of being a bridesmaid is having to wear a dress that not everyone loves.
Sometimes that also includes make-up and hair choices that they would never normally wear.
Like ever.
Bridesmaids go through with it, nonetheless, to show how much they love their friend about to enter her next chapter.
Even if they secretly (or not so secretly) can't wait to get out of those dresses or change their hairstyles.
Redditor formallyacowfrog was recently a bridesmaid for a good friend of hers.
A friend who wanted her bridesmaids to wear their hair in a very specific way.
Although this hairstyle differed from what the original poster (OP) usually wore, she went along with it.
When she reverted to her usual hairstyle shortly after the wedding was over, the OP's friend was less than happy to see this.
Having some doubts about her behavior, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for buzzing the hair I grew out to be my friends maid of honor while she was on her honeymoon?"
The OP explained why her change of hairstyles was not appreciated by her recently married friend:
"I (24 F[emale]) like having short hair, I always have short hair."
"Anyway, my friend (23 F) got engaged, and we were looking at hairstyles for her wedding."
"She had a vision board (not that she had called it that) full, that she had clearly already spent months, if not years, knowing her curating."
"All the hairstyles were long and similar, with a few short ones like mine, which she had clearly added at the last minute."
"I could tell by the way she talked she was less than enthusiastic about the short hairstyles despite trying to be (even her husband's hair is past his shoulders)."
"So I told her I'd grow it out and get extensions, I was curious how it'd look long anyway, I first cut it when I was 9."
"For me it was always temporary, but as the wedding got pushed back (2 years) it got longer, down to about my armpit."
"While it was long, I had fun with it, I learned braids and intricate styles."
"Anyway, the wedding happened at the end of February, I had the same beautiful updo as the other bridesmaids, and I decided the experiment was great, but I was going back into my comfort zone and buzzed it all off."
"I would have had no regrets if that was the end."
"I posted on Instagram a picture of my new hair and captioned it 'wedding over, hedgehogs back'."
"I got a DM from a few people asking if my long hair was for the wedding. I mistook their concern for curiosity and told them, yeah, my friend likes long hair."
"I saw her the next week, and she was furious at me for telling people she was a controlling bridezilla over something that was my idea."
"She was unaware that I was keeping my hair long for her and thought I had genuinely just liked it."
"I cleared it up with people, but they don't believe me they think she's pressured me into saying that."
"It's a mess, and my friend isn't talking to me."
"Who's the A**hole here? What do I do?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While the Reddit community generally agreed that the OP wasn't an a**hole for cutting her hair after the wedding, they were a bit more divided as to whether or not they thought she was the a**hole for her behavior.
Some felt that she wasn't an a**hole for cutting her hair, and didn't necessarily do anything wrong, but should have chosen her words more carefully, and definitely should have considered clarifying the situation on social media:
"Just make a post saying 'for anyone concerned, I was not asked to grow out my hair, I did it as I knew it would make my friend happy, even if she would never ask me herself. It was a fun experiment, I enjoyed the different things I got to try, but at the end of the day, I missed my short hair and was excited to share that it's back'."
"For anyone who is calling bridezilla or such, they obviously don't know you or her."
"People are going to draw whatever conclusions they want and nothing you say will change their minds."
"NTA."- Sunnyok85
"NTA."
"You were giving a gift to your friend because you care about her."
"Similar to bridesmaids wearing a dress they despise because the bride picked it - but WAY more thoughtful."
"You are a very good friend."- lorindaja
Others, however, understood why the OP's friend felt her post illuminated her in a negative light and felt the OP should have realized this:
"YTA."
"You wanted to vent about your clearly unresolved emotions about leaving your hair long - instead of processing it yourself or discussing them with your friend like an adult, you wrote a cheeky caption and got the fawning you'd been hoping for."
"You're only confused as to why publicly pinning your friend's wedding as the reason you changed yourself is weird and rude, because there have been repercussions for you too. This is sneaky, full stop. you deserve her cold shoulder."- West-Sound405
"YTA, not for cutting your hair, but for posting what could very easily be interpreted as a backhanded caption towards your friend."- SaladSlut123
"Gentle YTA."
"While you may not have intended it, you implied you only kept your long hair for the wedding and now your friend is catching unnecessary heat, when you well knew you could've had short hair for the wedding and chose to grow it out."- -ciscoholdmusic-
"You are not AN a**hole but soft YTA."
"You grew your hair for several years to help your friend have her dream wedding aesthetic."
"That's a great friend."
"I do think it would have been nice of you to add something like 'friend was totally cool with me having short hair, for the record' on the original post."
"This situation seems pretty predictable without that."- OkayDay21
"YTA."
"Because you made the whole haircut post about the wedding."
"Obviously, people are going to think you've been desperately waiting to have it all cut off, and it makes it look like she pressured you."
"I understand if that wasn't your intention, but you should definitely do what you can to put it right."-Weary_Comparison_928
"NTA for buzzing your hair immediately after the wedding."
"YTA for your post and replies on social media implying that your friend was a bridezilla who made you grow it out."- DameChungus
"YTA."
"You decided to grow it out bc you felt she wanted it."
"Then posted a picture of the cut and blamed the long hair on her."
"You're not wrong for cutting your hair, you're wrong for the caption."- whatever3232
"YTA a bit."
"The way you phrased the caption reads as if you were required to grow your hair out for the wedding."
"Not as if you suggested it yourself."- Own_Device_1142
"Leaning YTA."
"I don't believe that you 'mistook their concern for curiosity', it reads a little like you're playing dumb on that."
"And the fact that people don't believe you when you tried to clear it up does make it sound like you were inauthentically following up. like reinforcing the 'bridezilla' thing by making it seem like she wanted you to do damage control."- coolguy4206969
"YTA for making your friend look like one."
"If you had replied to DMs with something along the lines of 'sort of - I was curious about long hair anyway and thought she might appreciate it', then it would have been fine."
"But you made it sound like your friend made you grow your hair out for her wedding, which wasn't true - you made her look bad, and she didn't deserve it."- ProfessorLopsided787
While others could see the point of view from both the OP and her friend:
"NAH."
"It would have been better for you to tell the DMers that this was a fun experiment for the wedding."
"I can see why people misinterpreted your words, but this was totally unintentional on your part and doesn't make you an a**hole."
"It's fair that your friend feels hurt that people are thinking of her in a bad light over this, especially since it doesn't seem like she truly pressured you at all."
"Awkward stuff happens, it'll blow over."- starchy2ber
"NAH."
"You apparently didn't realize people took* your caption the wrong way, but you tried to correct their misinterpretation."
"Just keep correcting them the next few times it comes up, then let it go."- ArcanelyChaotic
The OP wouldn't be the first bridesmaid to dislike her required wedding hairstyle.
However, it's also easy to see how the OP's friend might have seen her post come off a bit too relieved.
Hopefully, with a civil conversation and possibly a public apology, what seemed to be a simple misunderstanding might all get cleared up.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.