If there's ever a consistent reason soon-to-be married couples have a hard stop at the number of guests they invite to their weddings, it's the per-person cost.
As the more people you invite to your wedding, the more expensive it's going to be.
Hence why many brides and grooms don't take too kindly to people who RSVP yes to their big day and then don't show up.
Sometimes these no-shows have a genuinely good reason for showing up, other times they do not.
Redditor sweetandsourcum recently got married at a destination wedding.
In order to ensure all of her nearest and dearest could attend, the original poster (OP) and her fiancé went so far as to pay for some guests' plane tickets and hotel rooms.
As a result, when one guest didn't show up to her wedding, the OP was less than pleased.
When she learned why this friend didn't show up, she considered taking legal action.
Wondering if she was overreacting, the OP took to the subReddit "Would I Be The A**hole" (WIBTA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"WIBTA for suing my friend when she didn't come to my wedding?"
The OP explained why they considered taking their friend to court.
"I (25 F[emale]) recently got married to my (25 M[ale]) husband in Bali, Indonesia in January."
"It was a destination wedding, but my parents and his parents paid for their own plane tickets and hotel, but we paid for our friends plane tickets and hotel stays."
"Each plane ticket was about $2000 USD and hotel was maybe about $150-300 for a week."
"My friend 'Gemma' brought along her newly wed husband 'John' along but paid for his plane ticket."
"The problem is that Gemma and John did not show up to my wedding."
"Gemma took the free plane ticket to Bali and the hotel room and when I asked her why she didn't show up she said that since they couldn't afford their own honeymoon that this was a perfect opportunity and that Jim decided that he didn't feel like going."
"I was really hurt by this since Gemma and I have been friends for over 10 years."
"WIBTA if I took her to small claims court for the money I spent on the plane ticket and hotel?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for considering suing Gemma.
While not everyone was certain the OP had a case should she take legal action, they agreed that Gemma took advantage of the OP's generosity, and thus owed her all the money that was spent on her:
"NTA."
"You didn't offer them a gift of a honeymoon."
"You offered to help them attend your wedding so they didn't have an undue financial burden."
"Also?"
"They could totally have done both, spent some time together in honeymoon mode, and also attended your wedding."
"That they took your money and used it solely for themselves is not okay."- Normal-Height-8577
"NTA."
"But first start by sending her a bill with copies of the bills for the airfare and the hotel."
"Maybe she'll pay up without court."
"Worth a try."- OXRblues
"Can't believe I'm saying this, but, NTA."
"Someone offers to give you a free vacation on the condition that you attend one party during that time?"
"I'd be jumping for that opportunity."
"To take that free vacation and then no-call-no-show to your friends' wedding is really sh*tty behavior on their part."
"They could have extended their stay if they wanted to treat the trip as their own honeymoon."-NZafe
"NTA."
"You did not pay for her honeymoon but for her to come to the wedding."
"I personally wouldn't consider her a friend anymore."- Legitimate-Buy5570
"I mean."
"They could have just extended their stay instead of not showing up to your wedding."
"NTA."- RegularEfficient2567
"Ask her to repay first, then sue."
"She is no friend, she used you."
"NTA."- alicat777777
"NTA."
"Sorry to be the one to inform you, but Gemma is not your friend."- Spare-Shirt24
"NTA."
"Cut all ties and make it clear why."
"That's not a real friend and it won't get better."- chi60640co
"NTA."
"But talk to her first."
"Tell her that you paid for the flight and hotel for your wedding and not for her honeymoon."
"To please reimburse you for the cost."- MycologistOk244
"NTA, but you may or may not recover the funds."
"You could frame it as a conditional gift being given on the stipulation she attended the wedding."
"I would assume you have emails and texts that confirm her being told to attend etc."
"It will definitely ruin the friendship, but it sounds like she did a pretty good job of that already."-RedHolly
"NTA."
"But this isn't worth it."
"Live a good life without her in it."- Altruistic_Isopod_11
"NTA."
"I'd invoice her first."
"Then sue."- bbbriz
"NTA."
"F*ck both Gemma and John, the homies hate Gemma and John."- jimzo_c
"NTA."
"I'd send her a letter/email/text asking for the money back."
"But also make sure that somewhere in your past texts you said that you were buying the ticket because she said she'd come to your wedding."
"Like it has to have been understood by her you were paying for this ticket so she would come to your wedding."
"I'm not sure if you have a binding contract."
"I'd have to see the exact discussions."
"But if you take her to small claims that will be important."- write-me-a-story
"NTA."
"I'd send her the itemized bill and request payment or face small claims court."
"What a-holes to use your money for a honeymoon."- Even_Tea4874
"I have no idea of the legal viability here, like it might not be worth it, but you're definitely NTA."
"That's definitely not a friendship that's worth keeping."- your-rong
"NTA."
"So tacky and selfish to not show up for the wedding."- Affectionate-Arm5784
"NTA - unfortunately, you just paid $2300 to learn she is the AH."
"However, suing her is just going mean investing more time, money, and emotion into a relationship you should really be walking away from ASAP."- o2go
"NTA."
"But I feel you'd just spend money on suing her."
"However, if you have the money and want her to spend money too, call your lawyer!"-n2oc10h12c8h10n402
"NTA and I may just be petty, but I'd 100% want that money back from her. pay for your own damn vacation."- dumbraspberry
"NTA."
"Gemma is TA, but I would personally just tell all out friends about what Gemma did and how hurt you are by it, and cut her out of your life."- traviall1
"NTA."
"But it's probably not worth your energy."
"I'm sorry your former friend turned out not care about you at all."- Artistic_Reference_5
"Oh, the title was a bit 'wtf' moment, but reading through the events?"
"Yeah, NTA."
"Go ahead and get your money back."- CupcakeMurder86
"NTA."
"I don't know if you have a legal claim or not though."
"Go through your texts and see if there was an explicit agreement that she understood and agreed that the plane ticket and hotel were exclusively to be used for your wedding."
"Kinda like a conditional gift..like an engagement ring is conditional."
"I think you have a chance if there was proof of an agreement and understanding that the ticket was given with the condition it was for the wedding."
"If you don't know if you have a legal claim, you at least definitely have the moral upper hand."
"I'd let every single mutual friend know what happened."
"Maybe social pressure will get her to pay you back."- dividedsky58
The OP later returned with an update, sharing a subsequent conversation they had with Gemma, and how they planned on proceeding:
"I messaged Gemma per multiple comments advising me to invoice her for the plane ticket and hotel room, but I did something a little better."
"I wanted to get proof so if I had to go to court, it would be easier to win."
"I messaged her this:"
"'Hey, sorry for being so distant, but I just wanted to talk to you about Bali."
"'I'm hurt that you didn't show up to the ceremony'."
"'I pulled a lot of strings to ensure that you could come, and then you didn't show up."
"'Did you think I paid for the trip just so you could honeymoon with John?'"
"She replied, "'I've missed you a lot and I know I the trip was for ur wedding but John didn't want to go bc he felt like your wedding ruined the illusion of the trip being our honeymoon and that you'd understand'."
"I replied, 'No, I don't understand."
"'You took advantage of me, and that's not what real friends do'."
"'So I'm sending you an invoice for $2387.53 for the cost of the plane ticket and hotel room'."
"'I will give you 30 days, and after that I will be taking legal action'."
"I received no response, but she's been posting subliminal quotes on Instagram that are along the lines of entitled friends and having snakes in your life."
"Thank you all for your verdicts and help."
If it's not already a great look on Gemma's part that she used a plane ticket and hotel room paid for by the OP for her honeymoon, it's an even worse look that she actually told Gemma to her face that Jim "didn't feel like going", and then did nothing about that.
Poor judgment that may now cost her thousands of dollars.
Even worse, though, it definitely cost her a friend.
