If there's ever a consistent reason soon-to-be married couples have a hard stop at the number of guests they invite to their weddings, it's the per-person cost.
As the more people you invite to your wedding, the more expensive it's going to be.
Hence why many brides and grooms don't take too kindly to people who RSVP yes to their big day and then don't show up.
Sometimes these no-shows have a genuinely good reason for showing up, other times they do not.
Redditor sweetandsourcum recently got married at a destination wedding.
In order to ensure all of her nearest and dearest could attend, the original poster (OP) and her fiancé went so far as to pay for some guests' plane tickets and hotel rooms.
As a result, when one guest didn't show up to her wedding, the OP was less than pleased.
When she learned why this friend didn't show up, she considered taking legal action.
Wondering if she was overreacting, the OP took to the subReddit "Would I Be The A**hole" (WIBTA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"WIBTA for suing my friend when she didn't come to my wedding?"
The OP explained why they considered taking their friend to court.
"I (25 F[emale]) recently got married to my (25 M[ale]) husband in Bali, Indonesia in January."
"It was a destination wedding, but my parents and his parents paid for their own plane tickets and hotel, but we paid for our friends plane tickets and hotel stays."
"Each plane ticket was about $2000 USD and hotel was maybe about $150-300 for a week."
"My friend 'Gemma' brought along her newly wed husband 'John' along but paid for his plane ticket."
"The problem is that Gemma and John did not show up to my wedding."
"Gemma took the free plane ticket to Bali and the hotel room and when I asked her why she didn't show up she said that since they couldn't afford their own honeymoon that this was a perfect opportunity and that Jim decided that he didn't feel like going."
"I was really hurt by this since Gemma and I have been friends for over 10 years."
"WIBTA if I took her to small claims court for the money I spent on the plane ticket and hotel?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for considering suing Gemma.
While not everyone was certain the OP had a case should she take legal action, they agreed that Gemma took advantage of the OP's generosity, and thus owed her all the money that was spent on her:
"NTA."
"You didn't offer them a gift of a honeymoon."
"You offered to help them attend your wedding so they didn't have an undue financial burden."
"Also?"
"They could totally have done both, spent some time together in honeymoon mode, and also attended your wedding."
"That they took your money and used it solely for themselves is not okay."- Normal-Height-8577
"NTA."
"But first start by sending her a bill with copies of the bills for the airfare and the hotel."
"Maybe she'll pay up without court."
"Worth a try."- OXRblues
"Can't believe I'm saying this, but, NTA."
"Someone offers to give you a free vacation on the condition that you attend one party during that time?"
"I'd be jumping for that opportunity."
"To take that free vacation and then no-call-no-show to your friends' wedding is really sh*tty behavior on their part."
"They could have extended their stay if they wanted to treat the trip as their own honeymoon."-NZafe
"NTA."
"You did not pay for her honeymoon but for her to come to the wedding."
"I personally wouldn't consider her a friend anymore."- Legitimate-Buy5570
"I mean."
"They could have just extended their stay instead of not showing up to your wedding."
"NTA."- RegularEfficient2567
"Ask her to repay first, then sue."
"She is no friend, she used you."
"NTA."- alicat777777
"NTA."
"Sorry to be the one to inform you, but Gemma is not your friend."- Spare-Shirt24
"NTA."
"Cut all ties and make it clear why."
"That's not a real friend and it won't get better."- chi60640co
"NTA."
"But talk to her first."
"Tell her that you paid for the flight and hotel for your wedding and not for her honeymoon."
"To please reimburse you for the cost."- MycologistOk244
"NTA, but you may or may not recover the funds."
"You could frame it as a conditional gift being given on the stipulation she attended the wedding."
"I would assume you have emails and texts that confirm her being told to attend etc."
"It will definitely ruin the friendship, but it sounds like she did a pretty good job of that already."-RedHolly
"NTA."
"But this isn't worth it."
"Live a good life without her in it."- Altruistic_Isopod_11
"NTA."
"I'd invoice her first."
"Then sue."- bbbriz
"NTA."
"F*ck both Gemma and John, the homies hate Gemma and John."- jimzo_c
"NTA."
"I'd send her a letter/email/text asking for the money back."
"But also make sure that somewhere in your past texts you said that you were buying the ticket because she said she'd come to your wedding."
"Like it has to have been understood by her you were paying for this ticket so she would come to your wedding."
"I'm not sure if you have a binding contract."
"I'd have to see the exact discussions."
"But if you take her to small claims that will be important."- write-me-a-story
"NTA."
"I'd send her the itemized bill and request payment or face small claims court."
"What a-holes to use your money for a honeymoon."- Even_Tea4874
"I have no idea of the legal viability here, like it might not be worth it, but you're definitely NTA."
"That's definitely not a friendship that's worth keeping."- your-rong
"NTA."
"So tacky and selfish to not show up for the wedding."- Affectionate-Arm5784
"NTA - unfortunately, you just paid $2300 to learn she is the AH."
"However, suing her is just going mean investing more time, money, and emotion into a relationship you should really be walking away from ASAP."- o2go
"NTA."
"But I feel you'd just spend money on suing her."
"However, if you have the money and want her to spend money too, call your lawyer!"-n2oc10h12c8h10n402
"NTA and I may just be petty, but I'd 100% want that money back from her. pay for your own damn vacation."- dumbraspberry
"NTA."
"Gemma is TA, but I would personally just tell all out friends about what Gemma did and how hurt you are by it, and cut her out of your life."- traviall1
"NTA."
"But it's probably not worth your energy."
"I'm sorry your former friend turned out not care about you at all."- Artistic_Reference_5
"Oh, the title was a bit 'wtf' moment, but reading through the events?"
"Yeah, NTA."
"Go ahead and get your money back."- CupcakeMurder86
"NTA."
"I don't know if you have a legal claim or not though."
"Go through your texts and see if there was an explicit agreement that she understood and agreed that the plane ticket and hotel were exclusively to be used for your wedding."
"Kinda like a conditional gift..like an engagement ring is conditional."
"I think you have a chance if there was proof of an agreement and understanding that the ticket was given with the condition it was for the wedding."
"If you don't know if you have a legal claim, you at least definitely have the moral upper hand."
"I'd let every single mutual friend know what happened."
"Maybe social pressure will get her to pay you back."- dividedsky58
The OP later returned with an update, sharing a subsequent conversation they had with Gemma, and how they planned on proceeding:
"I messaged Gemma per multiple comments advising me to invoice her for the plane ticket and hotel room, but I did something a little better."
"I wanted to get proof so if I had to go to court, it would be easier to win."
"I messaged her this:"
"'Hey, sorry for being so distant, but I just wanted to talk to you about Bali."
"'I'm hurt that you didn't show up to the ceremony'."
"'I pulled a lot of strings to ensure that you could come, and then you didn't show up."
"'Did you think I paid for the trip just so you could honeymoon with John?'"
"She replied, "'I've missed you a lot and I know I the trip was for ur wedding but John didn't want to go bc he felt like your wedding ruined the illusion of the trip being our honeymoon and that you'd understand'."
"I replied, 'No, I don't understand."
"'You took advantage of me, and that's not what real friends do'."
"'So I'm sending you an invoice for $2387.53 for the cost of the plane ticket and hotel room'."
"'I will give you 30 days, and after that I will be taking legal action'."
"I received no response, but she's been posting subliminal quotes on Instagram that are along the lines of entitled friends and having snakes in your life."
"Thank you all for your verdicts and help."
If it's not already a great look on Gemma's part that she used a plane ticket and hotel room paid for by the OP for her honeymoon, it's an even worse look that she actually told Gemma to her face that Jim "didn't feel like going", and then did nothing about that.
Poor judgment that may now cost her thousands of dollars.
Even worse, though, it definitely cost her a friend.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.