When couples with children divorce and remarry, it can create relationships between children that don't exist for the adults.
A divorced parent's child may get a stepsibling or a half-sibling through their other parent, but there may never be a relationship between that child and them.
A mother dealing with her ex-husband and his new wife's demands that she treat their child like her own turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
DeerExact5881 asked:
"AITA for not taking my daughter's half sister to a theme park?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"My daughter (11) is the daughter of my now ex (32), who is married and has another daughter (7). I am also now married, but we have only my daughter."
"My husband and I bought my daughter a year pass to a well-known Australian theme park (it’s technically 4 theme parks). Her birthday came, and I told her we’d plan a trip for August."
"My husband and I booked a motel and gave her dad the dates for when we’re away so they didn’t interfere with his custody."
"This evening when I got home, I received a terrible voicemail from my ex saying that I and my husband are horrible people for not taking HIS daughter (the half sister) to Dreamworld with us, that I was separating siblings and ruining memories."
"His wife called me after I replied via text and said I was being 'thoughtless' and that 'sometimes David and I would like a weekend to ourselves, but you and Kurt only think about yourselves'."
"I was calm, explained, and said this was a birthday treat for my daughter, but if she and her husband chipped in for the motel and the 2 days of tickets for the park, we’d gladly take her. She hung up and said I was being unreasonable and selfish."
"Then they made a huge post on social media about it, with her mother saying horrible things about me and saying that children’s services should investigate me for parental alienation or something along those lines. Literally a whole comment section of me and my husband's names being rubbed in the mud."
"I can’t be the a**hole here. I’m so close to just canceling and going another time when I know they’re busy."
"I feel guilty because those two girls are great together, but I want quality time and memories with my daughter and husband."
"AITA?"
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was
"NTA. Your ex and his wife just want a childfree holiday with someone else footing the bill."
"They are being selfish and unreasonable. If they are spewing this rhetoric in front of your child, that is parent alienation, and defaming you on social media is possibly libel."
"Report the post, check they aren't trashing you to your child, and enjoy her birthday trip with her, you and your husband. I'd also speak to a lawyer if you can about this." ~ No-Daikon3645
"Exactly. If they really cared about the girls going together, they would have offered to pay instead of running to Facebook. Their primary concern is getting an all-expenses-paid vacation from their own kid." ~ PrettyBreezex
"Yeah, the original complaint was interfering with the girls making memories together, but then the wife gave herself away, saying she and David also need breaks sometimes. So it’s not about the kids, it’s about the half sister’s parents wanting kid-free time."
"Which on its own is not unreasonable, and ironically if they were nicer to OP they could all probably help each other get those breaks. But instead wife tried to go the bully route." ~ catfriend18
"Arguing that OP is doing parental alienation of ex and new wife's child is trippy AF. Are they high?" ~ No_Repeat4435
"NTA, but your ex and his wife are entitled trash." ~ Strong_District_5894
"They're jealous because they probably can't afford it. Judging by their reaction, it looks like they're hoping to bully OP and her husband into relenting and taking their daughter to the theme park for free. That's a free hotel, travel, and food in addition to theme park admission that they're trying to bully their way into." ~ IceSeeker
"Why can’t Big Mouth Grandma pay?" ~ whteverusayShmegma
"I got the impression they just want a childless weekend for themselves. Do these selfish people really care that much about giving their daughter a memorable vacation she’ll be forever grateful for with an ex-spouse?" ~ JustBrowsing49
"NTA. And sounds like you need to take some screenshots to a family law office." ~ KayakerMel
"NTA, but clock that comment about parental alienation. It's very likely the comments they are making to you and their families and friends online following will also be being made to your and their daughters as a means to manipulate you by emotionally tormenting them, by way of saying, 'Well, your mother hates your sister, do you really want to go with her?' and telling their own kid, 'Your cruel sister's mummy doesn't like you, so you should sob and cry and beg her not to go every chance you get'." ~ HazelEmilia
"Even if they aren't saying things directly to your daughter, I have no doubt they are talking this way in front of your daughter!" ~ PurplePufferPea
"NTA, in my opinion it's a rude assumption that you would foot the entire bill. Dreamworld is expensive to get into, then it's pricey food inside, and if it's an overnight, you'll have to buy several more meals on top of this one event."
"If the girls are really close, it would be a nice gesture, but definitely should not be an expectation by anyone."
"Never mind the 'we want a break' remarks. If she's that desperate to get away from her kid, the family members that are trashing you can host a sleepover and fun weekend." ~ SunsetOverflowing
"Really seeing why this clown is your ex. NTA."
"What if something went wrong? Are they comfortable giving you medical decision-making powers over their child? What about legal measures?"
"They want you to play unpaid babysitter. F*ck 'em." ~ fren2allcheezes
"Honestly, whether she’s a half-sister or a stepsister, the audacity of the ex and his wife is unreal. Expecting an ex-spouse to pay for and babysit your other kid just so you can have a weekend to yourselves is next-level entitlement. NTA." ~ amber_fieldstone81
"If you were having a birthday party at your home, asking if their daughter could attend is reasonable. If you were having a birthday sleepover at your home, it might be pushing it to expect their 7-year-old to be included with your daughter's 11- to 12-year-old friends, but it still wouldn't be outrageous to ask."
"But these people—your ex, his new wife, and their Facebook minions—want you to pay to take their child on a trip, which includes food, accommodations, and tickets for amusement parks and the inevitable souvenirs so they can get a child-free holiday? F*ck that noise." ~ MohawMais
"I can understand taking the sister, but paying? No way. Especially when the argument isn’t about the siblings’ connection, but instead all about alone time for her parents. The cost of a ticket and a small portion of the hotel is pennies for a week-long sitter. They’re insane for not jumping on it."
"Personally I’d screenshot the entire post or share it with the caption: 'Dear Child Services, We offered to take the child, asking only that her parents pay her way. Sincerely, Absolutely Not The A**hole'." ~ whteverusayShmegma
"Also the age gap between the children. If they were the same age plus or minus a year or two, I could maybe sell myself on paying for the other kid on the basis of 'They will probably have more fun running around together creating some good memories'."
"Age 11 and 7? Hell no, that's not improving the experience for the older kid at all. My brother and I hated our little sister slowing us down when we went to theme parks as a family growing up."
"Honestly in my experience as someone that's done A LOT of theme parks. You don't really get full theme park value until you reach that 'You must be this tall to ride' threshold." ~ godtogblandet
"I didn’t even think about this when reading it, but you’re right. Half the time mom or dad is going to be watching the younger one who can’t ride the same rides, will need extra care and attention because of her young age, and it kind of takes away from the gift aspect of the trip. Parents are having to divide their attention, and it just changes the dynamic." ~ dragoono
"Yes, if this was two 11-year-olds, you can sort of just unleash them to be their own chaos and entertainment while you and the partner chill and just check in on them every now and then. With an age gap this big (4 years), you are literally slowing down the older kid due to doing free babysitting for a child they probably don't know well." ~ godtogblandet
Reddit agreed that OP doesn't owe their ex and his wife an all-expenses-paid holiday away from their own child.
If they want to get rid of their daughter, they can pay to do it.
