Weddings have a funny way of revealing who a person really is and where their priorities actually lie.
That's particularly true during the wedding planning stage, when some people get a little too entitled, even when it's supposed to be their "special day," side-eyed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Ok-Highlight-9598 had purchased a run-down cabin and began renovating it, all on her own dime, and she was shocked when her brother announced to the family that he'd be using it for a multi-day wedding celebration with his friends.
When she refused, citing the limited accommodations for so many people, the Original Poster (OP)'s brother was quick to blame her for what might be a disappointing wedding celebration.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting for refusing to let my brother host his 20-person wedding weekend at my cabin, even though I technically have the space?"
The OP had worked hard to make her run-down cabin a home.
"I (29 Female) bought a small, rundown two-bedroom cabin on a couple of acres three years ago."
"It was cheap because it needed massive structural work. I have spent almost every weekend and most of my savings renovating it by hand, replacing rot, rebuilding the back deck, and refinishing the original hardwood floors."
"I know it might seem like spending that much money and time on a property seems rash, but it's my pride and joy."
"However, it is still old with very delicate infrastructure and still needs more updates."
The OP was shocked when her brother intended to commandeer it as his wedding venue.
"My brother, Kal-El (32 Male), and his fiancée, Zor-El (30 Female), are planning a low-budget wedding for this autumn."
"At a family dinner last week, Kal-El casually brought up that they had settled on a venue: my cabin."
"He had not asked me beforehand. He framed it as a done deal, explaining that about 20 of their friends and family would bring tents to camp on the property for four days, while the bridal party would stay inside the cabin."
The OP was quick to point out the holes in her brother's plan.
"I was taken aback and laid out a few immediate concerns."
"First, the cabin runs on an older septic tank that cannot handle 20 people using it continuously for four days."
"On top of that, the property is not insured for events or large gatherings."
"Lastly, I just finished hand-sanding and sealing the floors, and having 20 people trailing dirt, mud, and heavy boots in and out for a weekend would ruin them."
"I tried to be constructive and offered a middle ground. I said I would be happy to host a small, six-person dinner for immediate family on the patio after a courthouse ceremony, but I could not host the full, multi-day event or overnight campers."
"I then said that it is unacceptable to think I would just hand over my property without being asked first, not to mention the damage 20 people could cause to my cabin."
"Not that they would worry about that since I'm just supposed to give without complaining."
The OP's brother blamed her for ruining his plans.
"Zor-El looked down, and Kal-El got very annoyed. He told me I was overreacting to a little grass and dirt, saying that ever since I bought the place, I have acted like I am too good to share things with family."
"He refused the dinner offer and said he was insulted by the restriction (like it was his right to use my property)."
"They left shortly after. Since then, Kal-El removed himself from our shared group chat, and when I tried texting him to talk it through, he kept his replies strictly to one word."
Even the OP's mother had her doubts.
"My mother has not yelled or made demands, but she did pull me aside yesterday to quietly ask if I could just hire a portable restroom for the weekend to make peace, saying that Kal-El feels like I am prioritizing 'a building' over his big day."
"I am starting to feel guilty and wonder if I am overreacting in this situation. I'm thinking about just giving in and letting them use it."
"P.S. These names are, in fact, references to the greatest comic series of all time."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that her brother was being a jerk, and her future sister-in-law knew it.
"NOR. Nobody is entitled to your house. It could be the most run-down, one-room shack, have perfect city plumbing, or whatever. It doesn't matter. He can't just decide that he will use your property for his purposes."
"And your mom needs to not enable that kind of entitlement."
"'No' is a complete sentence. The bride can pout all she wants." - lark_song
"NOR at all. Your brother announcing this as a way to force your hand in front of everyone was a d**k move."
"And Zor-El knows it. That’s why she looked down when it was challenged."
"His family and how he deals with them is his business. But she knew the way he’d chosen to go about it was wrong. If she’s wise, she’ll take note and start to wonder just how manipulative and entitled he may decide to be with her when he wants his way about something."
"That’s eventually going to happen, if it hasn’t already. I hope the red flag he’s waving isn’t made entirely invisible by the rose-tinted glasses she’s likely to be wearing as a bride-to-be."
"NOR." - Odd-Artist-2595
"NTA. Extremely presumptuous of your brother, and his fiancée either knows enough to be embarrassed, or she told him he should ask, or he told her he asked you."
"Get cameras and motion-activated sprinklers. If there’s a gate to property, chain it up. Sounds like either you need to be at the cabin that weekend or have a trusted friend stay there who can alert you to anyone showing up for a wedding." - WhichWitch9402
"NOR, the fact that they didn't ask and just demanded that their wedding be at your cabin is insane. You're being extremely generous offering the small dinner."
"Stick to your guns with saying "no"; too much liability awaits from your spoiled sibling and entitled future-SIL." - Adventurous-Quit-753
"NOR. You are in fact under- reacting. Your brother is extremely entitled. And it is absolutely not your fault he sold this to his fiancée."
"You restored a cabin, stood up for yourself, and said no to a twerp. You're a bada**. Keep it up!" - Haunting-Earth-8593
"NOR. Don’t let him guilt you. Stand firm with your boundaries, or this will be your relationship for the next 20 years until you finally cut him off." - UnderstandingOne6384
"NOR. He and his fiancée seem like they are being entitled; did they even OFFER any help on any of the remodel in the past three years? Time or money? Any skin in the game to make them think that maybe, just maybe, they could use it someday? I'm betting not one penny or second of their time."
"Do not give in! I hate when family just ASSUME what yours is theirs! We all know what ASSUMING does !!" - Complex_Panic_8581
Others agreed with the OP's concerns about the septic tank and damage to the property.
"NOR. A four-day event, especially a wedding, will also require showers. You are right to be concerned about your septic system. I’m not sure in what universe your brother thought your small home was his to claim for an event. Stand firm." - AlternativeStand4926
"If that’s your mom’s solution, the LEAST she could have done was offer to pay for the porta-potty."
"If Mom is on board with the bulls**t, she should also sign up to pay for an insurance policy, damage to the floor, and for maids to do deep cleaning post-event."
"And honestly, a new septic, as well; there's no way they won't use the shower. A porta potty doesn't even begin to address the water issues."
"And a very large damage deposit; he will never see the repair money if he doesn't get it up front, because repairs will definitely be needed." - loricomments
"Maids plus landscapers! Four days of 20 people and a bunch of tents are gonna mess up the lawn. Plus, where is everyone going to shower and wash up? 20 people for four days and one bathroom?"
"Are they just going to sh*t in the woods with the bears? Who does brother think is going to cater the event for four days? Or does he expect sister to provide the food and cook for them?"
"Can’t realistically be done in a small cabin. Is the driveway big enough for all the cars? Did the brother or his fiancé put any thought into that, or just sister have a cabin? Let’s use that and save money." - blurblurblahblah
"Even if he had asked, a toilet/shower for 20 people means a lot of sh*t in the woods and a ruined septic tank. The place is not suitable."
"And 20 people at the same time, especially should they be dancing, may not be what the floor will stand."
"The cars will ruin the ground/driveway, someone will BBQ food, maybe with a portable BBQ, and with the weather we’re having, there may not be a wood or a cabin left."
"Hard no."
"Brother thinks he has a right to his sister’s cabin and is too cheap to cater to his own wedding. I’d be there with a couple of broad-shouldered make friends and the sheriff’s number on speed dial. The wedding isn't happening at the cabin." - allyearswift
"Holy entitlement, Batman, NOR. He didn't want to host a wedding there, he wanted to host a four-day, twenty-person festival on your property. Where I live, some towns would actually require a permit for having that many people for that long."
"And not even ASKING you, casually telling you in conversation? H**l no. If it makes it easier for your mom to understand how wild an assumption this was of him, you might want to see if your town DOES have any permit requirements for things like portable restrooms or large gatherings, just to drive home the amount of planning he didn't bother doing here." - CapnBrosephine
Some advised the OP to install security cameras and to make the property inaccessible during the wedding.
"Make sure you install a security system and get a caretaker for the month they've decided they want to do this. I have a feeling they'll try to stomp all over your refusal and do it anyway." - ChampionshipBetter91
"Start a major renovation project a week before the planned date, make sure the cabin is basically unusable."
"Or even just pretend. A tarp on a wall here, canvas on the floor there, and of course, several full buckets of suspicious (but ultimately harmless) brown liquid. Maybe some very large stray nails scattered about. A Bluetooth speaker placed strategically to play rodent noises. And mouse traps!"
"I'm having too much fun with this. OP, go all Kevin on them and defend your home!" - ThisAdvertising8976
"NOR! How dare he even think he's entitled to your hard work, blood, sweat, and probably tears! I'd take back the dinner invite and absolutely go no contact until he learns better manners!"
"Yeah, if he's this entitled, you better install cameras everywhere. He WILL try to use it when you're not there! And your mom? I'd go no contact with her as well for going along with this! At least for a while..." - janpauly
"We’ve loaned our cabin to my sister, her husband, and their two young girls."
"A month or so later, several people who we’d never invited, were discussing in a group what all we had inside the cabin. It’s pretty remote, but now the whole freaking town knew where it was."
"There were beer and soda cans littering the property, as well as towels left on the deck railing, and the floor was covered in sand. We had three sets of bedding to launder and a bunch of dishes left in the sink."
"She hosted a few parties, apparently. The cabin is only accessible by boat. So all the cans, laundry etc had to be loaded into the boat, across the lake, and then into the truck to be driven home. When she invited people, they gave them instructions on how to get their own boats there. I’m assuming the mess was left when my sister used it, but they used it for ten days while we were travelling."
"Never again. People just don’t appreciate the work and expense that goes into maintaining a place like that."
"It’s also accessible over the ice in the winter, and we’ve definitely seen signs that we’ve had visitors when we were away. We're in the process of upgrading our security and won't be giving access codes to anyone, family included. I strongly advise you do the same." - Old-Assistance-3392
"NOR. But they're going to try to show up anyway. Batten down the hatches."
"Make sure to have some No Trespassing signs!"
"And OP, if you know any of his friends he’s inviting, 'casually' make a comment to them about how bro wanted to use your cabin, and then laugh and say, 'Can you imagine 20 people on that ancient septic tank? The campers would be slogging through raw sewage by the end of the first night!'"
"That should start spreading the word that the bride and groom will have a dry place to sleep and the guests get Typhoid for a wedding favor." - Sugar_Mama76
"OP: I personally would be concerned that brother is going to hold the party there anyways. It's worth stopping by the sheriff's office and introducing yourself and then explaining your concerns about your brother. They say they have a heads-up to be on the lookout for then."
"Then plan on staying at the cabin during that time period yourself. That way you can hopefully head off any attempts at using it without permission and can escalate to law enforcement if needed." - Separate_Pumpkin_256
"Is OP even invited? Have they actually invited her to stay at her own property, for her brother's wedding? They told OP the cabin would be used by the bridal party, so can she even sleep in her own bed, if invited?"
"I'll be honest, it doesn't read like they even intend on OP being there to witness the carnage they will rain down on that property."
"OP, I sincerely hope your family doesn't steamroll you into hosting this circus. And maybe think about having a vacation at your cabin the week of the wedding, just to protect your peace (and your property, from any surprise wedding plans that might be concocted)." - Blurtjerk
Not only did the subReddit agree that the OP's cabin was not prepared to accommodate so many people for so long, but the fact that the bride and groom assumed they could use the space without asking first sealed the deal.
The OP was totally right to protect her home against such a large party and to protect her peace and her hard work.
