Mom Refuses To Give Up Her Room To Accommodate Mother-In-Law's Big Bed When She Moves In

Wanting to help family is a great thing.

But helping family can be difficult.

Sometimes family doesn't accept the help without issues.

That's why boundaries with family are life-saving.

Redditor Few_Cookie8672 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

She asked:

"WIBTA for not wanting to give my room to my mil if she moves in with us?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"I (37 F[emale[) and my husband (38 M[ale]) bought our first home last year."

"It was a huge accomplishment, and our main drive for doing it was that we had been helping on and off through the years his nieces and nephews who have been in hard situations."

"We ourselves have two special needs kids, and both work full time."

"We are spread thin through helping everyone else, our kids, and work."

"We barely have time for our own self-care and do not like to ask for help since we have always been the helpers and can make it work."

"A few months ago, it became obvious we both could not keep waking up each night every night to tend to our kids who are up frequently throughout the night."

"We decided that we would have separate rooms so that each of us could take turns being on duty for our kids, and to have our own space to unwind after long days."

"Recently, my MIL has been having a hard time and has hinted at moving in with us after our last niece moved out."

"She never seemed serious until today."

"We talked it out and decided to make the adjustments needed so she could stay with us."

"When we approached her with it, she seemed good with the idea and on board."

"The next time I saw her, she asked what room she would be in."

"I pointed it out, and her face dropped."

"She said her bed would not fit in that room and seemed upset we would give her a smaller room."

"The room is the third biggest."

"Her argument was her bed would not fit, as it is a queen."

"I have told her it would fit; our niece had a full-size bed and still a lot of room around the bed to even move up to a queen or king."

"This conversation has come up in the past, and she always asks about the room I am in."

"My room is not only my sanctuary, but also my office since I work from home and have a high-demand job."

"I utilize the space to work as both, so I do not need two rooms."

The OP was left to wonder:

"WIBTA for refusing to give up my space when I have been trying to support others for years? Or is it me being overly sensitive?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
• INFO - More Information Needed

Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.

"NTA by a long shot."

"You are doing her a favor; MIL can either put up with what you have available or move somewhere else." ~ subtlelikeatank

"Oh, MIL, I’m so sorry it’s not going to work out for you."

"We were looking forward to you moving in."

"Oh well."

"Watch her shift into reverse."

"If she brings it up again later, I’m sorry it’s not working for you."

"When are you moving out?"

"Rinse and repeat." ~ CuriouserCat2

"I just wonder if you truly think you are the AH for not wanting to give up YOUR bedroom in YOUR house for your MIL who is the one needing the favor."

"First, that's nice you've been kind to others in need, but now it would seem others expect it, and you're getting a little resentful of being a giver."

"So just stop giving so much."

"That's ok."

"Your MIL can take or leave the room... that's what's available."

"She's free to find other accommodations." ~ LiveKindly01

"You see that her tactics are all manipulation, right?"

"She's trying to emotionally twist you in knots so that you volunteer your room, or even a different room, without her having to push the issue."

"You are doing an amazing thing by even considering taking her in."

"If a queen bed won't fit into the room, then she can get a different bed."

"Full size. Twin."

"Convertible futon. Murphy."

"There are options."

"Also, it's OK to say no."

"Even to a parent."

"Doesn't make you a bad person."

"Doesn't make you disrespectful."

"Just means this is your home and she does not get the master bedroom in YOUR home."

"Even if she pays rent." ~ raesayshey

"Here is a tiny piece of advice."

"You can’t pour from an empty cup."

"You say yourself you are already burnt out, your plate is full, and you have helped others enough."

"It’s time to take care of yourself."

"Her moving in is already a huge imposition."

"I’m nice too, but if I can’t even take care of myself, then I can’t be taking care of others."

"You have to be a little selfish and take care of yourself, your kids, and your husband only for a little."

"If you still let her move in, make sure she knows she can’t be extra work for you, and she needs to be happy with whatever room you can offer her."

"That’s your house, and she can’t come in demanding stuff." ~ dmarq77

"Look. She just needs to be able to sleep."

"Your room is also your office."

"Do NOT give in."

"If she is unhappy, just say 'I’m so sorry this isn’t working for you. Let us know when you find something else. We will, of course, help you move.'" ~ NiceAd4227

"$500 is a totally reasonable amount of money to ask for, and she's not going to find a room for rent cheaper than that without finding roommates."

"I probably would put most of that money in an investment account, especially since she may eventually need to be in a care home and probably won't be able to afford it."

"DO NOT fold." ~ NYCStoryteller

"OP. Looks like hubby is right."

"She shouldn't be living with you."

"The 500 dollars a month isn't worth it."

"She's already not respecting basic boundaries and will be a nightmare to live with."

"Your room is your office."

"If she were to get any other room with would be your husband's."

"But frankly, her entitlement already is a gigantic red flag." ~ Mera1506

"NTA. You had better think long and hard about inviting someone to live in your home who would be this bold in her demands when she’s not even living there yet."

"Just imagine what’s to come." ~ Classic-Sink-4108

"NTA!!!!! You should post this on /choosingbeggars!"

"She is lucky that you are allowing her to move in with her."

"She should be happy with any space, not making you feel guilty for what your salary works to pay for!!" ~ Ecstatic-Highway-246

"That’s a terrible start to your offer to help her out when she fell on hard times - by immediately being grateful for help and wanting more - by pushing you out of your own space."

"I suggest you tell her it’s that or she finds alternate living arrangements - and then seriously reconsider this arrangement because it’s already off to a rocky start."

"So sorry, OP!"

"NTA, but your MIL is on the way!" ~ sjyffl

"NTA. You and your partner have worked hard to get to the spot you are at today (congratulations on owning your first home in this economy by the way!)."

"Considering you have housed your nieces and nephews while taking care of your special needs children, I’d say it’s very generous of you two to open up a room for your mother-in-law in the first place."

"If she is that serious about moving in with you guys, she needs to accept that it must be on your and your partner’s terms." ~ 442i

"NTA. The bedroom assigned to her is big enough."

"She wants your room because she wants to be the Alpha female in the house."

"She's trying to usurp you as head female in your own home."

"Stay your ground."

"She can find somewhere else to stay if she doesn't like it."

"You need to rethink that offer to help her."

"She hasn't even moved in, and she's trying to make your life harder."

"She's going to cause a lot of strife." ~ Character-Tennis-241

"NTA. Once she moves in, realistically she will not leave."

"You and your husband need to have a serious talk, and then once you two are on the same page, you both need to talk to her about whether this will work before she moves in."

"If you and hubby can't get on the same page, MiL doesn't move in because you two need a united front in all things concerning this, or you will have nothing but conflict in your home until the marriage ends or she leaves."

"Moving into an established household with high needs kids is hard."

"If she's this insistent about taking your room, will she be able to adapt to the kids' routines and needs if it interferes with her routines?"

"It needs to be made abundantly clear that you and hubby call the shots, and that she doesn't get to question your decisions in how the home is run or how space is allocated."

"Best of luck to you and your family." ~ notpostingmyrealname

"NTA- she is moving in because she needs it; it's not like she's helping you with childcare or paying the mortgage."

"It verges on doing her a favor; she doesn't get to dictate the terms." ~ the_real_smolene

Reddit has your back, OP.

This is your house.

She is lucky y'all are opening your home to her.

Stay strong and good luck.