Woman Refuses To Help With Best Guy Friend's Wedding Anymore After Feeling 'Taken For Granted'

Sometimes people can't help but take advantage of kindness.

Maybe it's a character flaw, or maybe it's sheer entitlement.

The person on the receiving end, who is doing the giving, always has a choice.

Often... the choices don't make anyone feel good.

Redditor ConstantAny273 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

She asked:

"AITA for refusing to spend another day helping with my best friend's wedding after feeling taken for granted?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"This is more of an ethical dilemma than a fight."

"I (F[emale] 26) have been best friends with 'Adam' (M[ale] 28) for years."

"He's getting married in two weeks, and I've been helping with the pre-wedding events wherever I can."

"For context, I'm not a designer or wedding planner."

"I just have a decent eye for aesthetics and know my way around Canva."

"To help them save money, I volunteered to design their digital invites."

"The first invite involved lots of revisions because family members kept remembering things they wanted added after it was supposedly final."

"Before making the second invite, I specifically asked them to confirm all the content."

"The bride sent me the text she wanted, and I used exactly that."

'Adam did not check with his family properly, and revisions were needed again."

"After I sent the final version, Adam messaged our group chat asking, 'Where's the date on this invite?'"

"I was amused that everyone missed it despite so many versions and told him that it must have been missed because it wasn't in the content I'd been given."

"He replied, 'Yeah, but that was common sense. You should've added it.'"

"That stung because I hadn't even gotten a thank you, but blame was allotted rather quickly."

"I apologized anyway to avoid drama on the group; he said it’s ok and moved on."

"Later I told him privately that I didn't like how he'd spoken to me."

"He said he wasn't blaming me, then added, 'Why should I say thank you? Of course you'd do this for me. You're my best friend.'"

"Yesterday (Saturday) he asked me to help with the wedding décor because he wasn't happy with what the decorators had planned."

"Last minute, when all families were there already, I was asked to quickly come down."

"I spent 5 hours at the venue, and my inputs were the ones we chose finally."

"When I left, he mentioned they might meet the decorator again today."

"This morning (Sunday) he called asking, 'Aren't you coming?'"

"I told him I already had lunch plans."

"He seemed surprised and said he thought it was obvious I'd be there because I'm 'the designer.'"

"I'm not a designer."

"I'm just a friend who's been helping."

"There have also been smaller things that add to this feeling."

"Yesterday he was supposed to drop off my iPad."

"He asked me to come downstairs, then completely forgot to stop at my place, leaving me waiting outside in the heat for 20 minutes before his driver eventually brought it back."

"He's an only child, and I've always treated him like the sibling he never had."

"I genuinely enjoy showing up for my friends, and if he'd been showing more gratitude, I'd probably have gone."

"But lately it feels less like, 'Would you mind helping?' and more like, 'Of course you're doing this.'"

The OP was left to wonder:

"So AITA for not going to today's meeting to save my Sunday for me and feeling bothered that my time and effort seem to be expected rather than appreciated?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
• INFO - More Information Needed

Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.

"NTA. Have a face-to-face discussion with him; otherwise, it will escalate further." ~ Riyokosan

"This. OP needs to have a talk with him about everything."

"She has her own life, and she’s not even getting paid, so the entitlement is wild." ~ Kisses4Kimmy

"I was initially surprised his fiancée tolerates him having you (a 2-year-younger-than-him-girl when he is a guy) as his best friend."

"But then, as I read your post, I realised why she tolerates it: because he treats you like a servant (and not like a 'friend' that he is secretly pining for, and not even like a friend that he is not secretly pining for)."

"Try and do as little as possible for him now. NTA." ~ Think-Corner-3232

"NTA. They're acting as if you're a professional, but you're not."

"Actually, whenever it's convenient to them for you to be categorized as a professional, they act as if you're a professional (AKA the constant revisions and assumptions of your time and energy); whenever it's convenient for them for you to be categorized as a friend helping out, they act as if you're a friend helping out (AKA they don't pay you, they are rude to you)."

"And in both roles, they are very ungrateful."

"I say this gently, but Adam and his family do not understand how much work you have given them, or respect how much time you have put into this already."

"Your contributions are invisible and taken for granted. You own all the mistakes, and you are not the reason for any of the successes."

You are NTA for stepping out of the constant stream of wedding preparations." ~ whatnooh

"NTA, you need to have a 'come to Jesus' talk with him - no matter how obliged someone is to help you, or whether you assume someone 'of course' will help you, you still say thank you!!"

"This is incredibly rude of him to never say thank you."

"And on top of that, he's not doing the little things you've asked of him that make your job easier OR bothered to even give you a warning ahead of time when there's a meeting, or bother to ASK you to join!?!"

"No, I'd be done."

"Regardless of the conversation you have with him (or don't), you should start imposing boundaries."

"You are never available on less than 24 hr notice."

"If he calls, you don't answer, just text "can't speak right now, what's up?"

"And dont answer immediately" ~ SafetyFluid8535

"Every year for my birthday, my best friend gets me my favorite donut."

"Sometimes it's the morning of, sometimes it's the night before or the day after, but she never forgets."

"And you know what I have never said?"

"'Of course you're going to do this for me.'"

"I just feel grateful to have such a thoughtful friend."

"And this is a freaking donut."

"There is no excuse for this kind of entitlement in a friendship."

"This person does not appreciate you."

"When people tell you who they are, believe them." ~ WildOneM13

"NTA. I’d step back."

"You already told him how his behavior made you feel, and instead of apologizing or showing appreciation, he doubled down and acted like your help was automatically owed to him."

"Keep your lunch plans and let him handle the wedding arrangements he chose not to properly organize." ~ Maleficent-Shop-7178

"NTA. This man is not treating you with respect or love towards you or what you do for him."

"That's not a friend, that's a client. If that's how he wants to behave, maybe a bill for your services might be necessary."

"His expectations of what he wants you to do are not okay and are not what a friend should do to another friend." ~ EyeConstant1216

"Of course you would do his bidding however and whenever he wants???"

"And he has no reason to be grateful???"

"This person isn't your friend, and his family and fiancée are users too."

"Stop being involved in the wedding."

"Whether you go or not, don't spend any additional time or money on these people."

"You are supposedly his friend, not an indentured servant.

"NTA." ~ Jealous-Contract7426

"You feel taken advantage of because you were unclear about what you volunteered to do."

"In your mind, you volunteered to help design the invitation once, not repeatedly and not to proofread it. However, you didn't make that clear."

"In your friend's mind, you volunteered to make the perfect invitation, and of course that includes revisions and proofreading vital information."

"In your friend's mind, he asked you to help make the flowers perfect."

"And of course, a meeting with the person actually doing the flowers would be needed."

"In your mind, you volunteered to help once and done."

"Your communication styles are different and unclear."

"You are acting taken advantage of, but the issue is lack of clarity." ~ Witty_Candle_3448

"NTA, but it's not the greatest idea to volunteer to help with this kind of wedding planning, unless you're prepared exactly for this."

"For better or worse, heh, the bride and groom get to make their wedding day and wedding all about them."

"It's a lot of work."

"On top of the actual couple, you also have parents and other family needing to get involved."

"Next time, get them a nice gift but don't volunteer for a job where you could be 1000% perfect and still get grief."

"Another option is to volunteer to pay for their invites." ~ authorinthesunset

"For better or worse, just like a marriage, you are in this now."

"Eventually, they will run out of things to revise and get married, so accept the fact that they can't get to the finish line without you."

"Don't expect much in the way of thanks, but know that the fact that they are depending on you is as close to showing appreciation as they can come until the wedding is over." ~ Aggravating-Mix-4903

Reddit understands your feelings, OP.

Your friend is out of line.

A simple thank you wouldn't kill him.

Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.

Good Luck.