Finalizing a guest list for a wedding can be fairly stressful.
After all, even big weddings have a maximum capacity, so as much as the bride and groom might want to invite anyone and everyone, not everyone can make the cut.
On the flip side, a lot of time is spent deliberating on whether or not to invite people they feel somewhat obligated to, but deep down would rather not.
A shortlist that often includes family members.
Redditor MutedThroat2014 and his fiancée were soon to get married.
As the day fast approached, however, there was one particular guest that both the original poster (OP) and his fiancée wanted to leave off the guest list.
A decision that was bound to put the OP at odds with his entire family.
Uncertain on how to proceed, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole Here?" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for refusing to let my brother bring his girlfriend to my wedding after she insulted my fiancée?"
The OP explained why they did not want their brother's girlfriend on the guest list for his upcoming wedding:
"I (29 M[ale]) am getting married in three months to my fiancée (28 F[emale])."
"My brother (31 M[ale]) has been dating his girlfriend (30 F[emale]) for about a year."
"At first, I thought she was fine, but over the last few months she’s made several rude comments about my fiancée’s job, our guest list, and even the size of the wedding."
"Last weekend, we had a family dinner to go over final wedding plans."
"My fiancée mentioned that we were keeping the ceremony small and asked everyone to respect the seating arrangement."
"My brother’s girlfriend laughed and said, 'This whole thing sounds cheap and kind of pointless anyway'.”
"My fiancée got quiet, and I told her that was out of line."
"Then, as if that wasn’t enough, she also complained that the wedding date had to be moved because it clashed with a facial appointment she’d booked months ago, and said we should probably move the ceremony so she wouldn’t have to 'look tired in photos'.”
"After that, my brother said she was 'just being honest' and that I was overreacting."
"I told him that if she couldn’t be respectful, she wasn’t welcome at the wedding."
"Now my brother is furious and says I’m humiliating him by excluding his girlfriend."
"My mom thinks I should let it go to keep the peace."
"My fiancée says she doesn’t want someone at our wedding who openly disrespects us."
"AITA for refusing to invite my brother’s girlfriend to my wedding after what she said?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was doing the right thing by excluding his brother's girlfriend from his wedding.
Pretty much everyone agreed that not only did the disrespectful behavior of the OP's brother's girlfriend justify her exclusion from the wedding, but many felt that it seemed clear that she didn't even want to go:
"Tell your brother you just plain old don’t like her."
"You’re being honest."- RecentContest9154
“'We really don’t want to interfere with your facial, you really look like it’s needed, we’ll see you when you’re done.”- lovebeingana**hole
"'She also complained that the wedding date had to be moved because it clashed with a facial appointment she’d booked months ago, and said we should probably move the ceremony so she wouldn’t have to “look tired in photos.”
"So you're doing her a massive favor by not inviting her."
"She won't look tired in the wedding photos because she won't be in them."
"Also, she won't be able to coerce your brother into proposing to her at the wedding reception."
"Because she sure sounds like the kind of person who would do exactly that."- TararaBoomDA
"'So she wouldn’t have to 'look tired in photos'.”
"It's so cute to think she'll be in any of the photos."- twothirtysevenam
"Isn't this redundant anyway since the GF has a facial booked and cannot attend?"- J_Side
"NTA."
"'Hey bro, my future wife and I decided that your girlfriend's too obnoxious and rude to invite to our wedding, so she's out."
"'WHOA, don't get so mad!'"
"'We're just being honest!'"
"'You know, like your girlfriend'."- Owenashi
"NTA and I would uninvite my brother too."- SixStarz6
"NTA."
"'Just being honest" in this case means 'I'm being an asshole'."- naranghim
"NTA."
"Let your brother stay home, too."
"Bonus: less expense and pressure on seating arrangements."
"Also, never, EVER side with a SIL over your wife."
"Ever."- SuspiciousImpact2197
"Those comments of hers are unhinged, but the 'price' you pay is that your enabling brother with poor taste will likely not come (win-win in my book, but painful)."
"NTA."- dealienation
"NTA."
"She doesn't respect your decisions or both of you."
"If your brother doesn't see how his girlfriend is acting, uninvite him too."- AtomicCitron76
"NTA."
"She’s a girlfriend of one year, and she thinks she’s going to be in the pictures?!"
"She sounds very entitled."- gdognoseit
"She wants to not come, so you're doing her a favor."
"You should think of a way to make her come but humiliate her another way while she's there."- NO_FIX_AUTOCORRECT
"Boy, your brother is in for it if he marries that witch, but it seems like he deserves her."
"Best wishes for your future."- Global_Stock_5264
"Nope, do not allow her rude ass at your wedding."
"She is smack-talking everything because she is jealous."
"Maintain that she is not welcome."- winterworld561
"NTA."
"What’s the problem?"
"She already has that long-awaited, prescheduled facial appointment that day."
"She wouldn’t want to miss that and look tired, not to mention she doesn’t want to attend this cheap and pointless event."
"You didn’t humiliate anyone."
"She’s claiming that BS honestly thing to cover rudeness."
"It’s your and your fiancee’s day."
"Only people who want to be there to celebrate with you are welcome."
"She’s obviously not about that."
"Your brother may decide that he won’t come if she’s not invited, in which case you’ll have to decide if you’re want him there bad enough to accept her presence (especially now that they’re both angry) or if you’re willing to call his bluff and tell him you’ll miss him."
"Does he have a role in the wedding, like a best man or groomsman?"
"If so, you might want to go ahead and replace him so he can’t hold that over your head."
"Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!"
"Best wishes!"
"UpdateMe."- ThrowRA071312
"NTA."
"Tell both your bro and his gf to keep the facial appointment as her presence is no longer wanted at the wedding."
"I would also tell her that all the facials in the world won't stop people from seeing her inner ugliness."
"Oh, and your bro is an AH for saying that."- virtualghost123
"What did I just read?!"
"Some people really do find all the audacity on sale."
"I would absolutely not invite someone like that to my wedding."
"Congrats girl, you don’t have to slip your facial appointment because you are not invited."- Rude-Yard-8266
"How is her insulting your fiancée keeping the peace? "
"NTA."- kamdog32
"No."
"It’s your wedding."
"Tell your brother when he gets married, he will understand."
"But this event is about you."
"Not her."- Realistic_Charge_342
"NTA."
"Screw her and him."
"Both can stay home."- Own_Owl_7568
"NTA."
"She doesn't need to ruin your day, and she definitely would make your wedding about her, so you're definitely doing the right thing."
"If your brother wants, he can stay away with her and shut his trap because she was sooo out of line, and immature, and I would not want her anywhere near me, either."- sideways_apples
"NTA."
"Tell your mother that he can keep quiet and keep the peace."- Bubbly_Following7930
"First ask your mom if she hates you & fiancée, why else would she want to create bad feelings and spoil your wedding?"- BobTheCosmonaut
"Why are people like this?"- Archolm
"'Why would she want her tired-looking face in my wedding photos?'"
"'I'm doing her the favor she asked for."- Constant-Wanderer
Based on everything the girlfriend of the OP's brother was bold enough to say right in front of the OP and his fiancée, it's hard to imagine she would be hurt by being excluded.
After all, would someone with such high and mighty standards want to be caught dead at a "cheap and pointless" event like this?
Hopefully, she'll enjoy her facial.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.