Former Eagle Scout Called 'Selfish' For Refusing To Help Dad With Big Scouting Trip He's Planned

Growing up, we often find ourselves forced to take part in activities we might not enjoy.

Usually because of rather aggressive encouragement from our parents.

As we get older, most people have a bit more say in which extracurricular activities they take part in.

While some still find themselves forced into commitments by their parents.

Redditor SunSteel04 spent years of his life partaking in something at his father's insistence.

As soon as the original poster (OP) turned 18, he was ready to stop, as this particular activity brought him no joy whatsoever.

Much to his surprise, however, the OP's father insisted he help him with something related to this activity he thought he was free from.

After being called "selfish" by his father for refusing to help, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole Here" (AITAH).

Unlike the similar 'Am I The A**Hole' (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.

The OP asked fellow Redditors:

"AITAH for refusing to help my dad with a Scouting trip after I explicitly said I want nothing to do with Scouting anymore?"

The OP explained why he found himself at odds with his parents:

"I (19 M[ale]) spent years in Scouting."

"To be blunt, while I am an Eagle Scout, the experience was hellish for me, and the day I turned 18, I was done."

"I made it clear to my family from day one that I have zero intent of ever registering as an adult leader, volunteering, or participating in any Scouting events again."

"My dad, however, decided to stay involved and take on running trips."

"Even opened his own troop."

"Recently, he planned a campout for his group."

"He is a total novice when it comes to actual outdoor logistics, to the point where he and the other adults were planning to pack heavy cast-iron skillets and stone gear for a 'backpacking' setup (which later morphed into drive-up car camping because they didn't know what they were doing)."

"I told him weeks ago I was not going."

"Despite this, he and my mom have been trying to force me to go anyway."

"Every time I held my boundary, the goalposts moved, and the manipulation tactics started flying."

"When I reiterated I wasn't registering as an adult, my dad tried to claim that if I can't commit to Scouting, I must not have any 'intent to be truthful' with him in life."

"When I refused to go on the trip, he immediately pulled the victim card, whining that 'we can't do this without you'."

"When I didn't fall for that, he resorted to vague threats, saying, 'Oh, I have many things I could also say to you'."

"They then hit me with Scouting's Youth Protection rules, telling me that because I'm an unregistered 19-year-old, I wouldn't even be allowed to speak to any of the scouts on the trip—meaning they essentially wanted to force me to come along as a silent pack mule."

"When none of that worked, it turned into demanding I help pack, haul heavy boxes out of the garage, and move cars around to get them ready."

"My dad does have some back pain right now, so I offered basic help at home lifting a couple of heavy items so he wouldn't physically hurt himself in the garage."

"But I drew the line at being dragged into prepping for or attending an event I explicitly opted out of months ago."

"Now my parents are furious."

"They're claiming that if the trip falls apart or if they can't manage the gear, it’s entirely my fault for being selfish and unsupportive, and that I'm ruining things for everyone."

"My take is that if you willingly take on a project you lack the ability to pull off without forcing an unwilling third party to bail you out, that's on you."

"AITAH for holding my boundary and refusing to help run or attend his Scouting trip?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community agreed that the OP should feel no obligation to help his father with the scouting trip.

Everyone agreed that the OP was now legally an adult, and not beholden to his parents' demands, and was doing the right thing by distancing himself from something that brought him nothing but pain and unhappiness:

"NTA."

"Your parents sound terrible what’s their obsession with scouting?"- Lurker_MeritBadge

"NTA."

"Sixty-plus years as a Scouter here."

"No one should be forced to support something they disagree with."

"Telling your parents how you feel is literally proving your 'intent to be truthful'."

"Frankly, I think the district and council leadership are falling down on the job by allowing them to be taking kids into the wilds without the necessary training."

"Yes, I do know that numbers are more important to professionals than anything else."- Accomplished-Emu-591

"NTA."

"You’re not doing something you don’t want to do."- ProperScientist1803

"I'm a Scouter."

"Your dad needs to check his SYT (Safeguarding Youth Training, formerly known as Youth Protection Training)."

"As an unregistered adult, you are not allowed to go camping with a Troop."

"Full stop."

"This is a hard and fast rule."

"If unregistered adults are going on camping trips, your council and the Scouts First hotline needs to be made aware."-ColonelBoogie

"NTAH."

"Good for you for holding that boundary."

"And shame on them for behaving the way that they are."- Diligent_Comment689

"NTA."

"I'm an Eagle Scout and former leader."

"Emphasis on the former: I don't want to be a leader anymore and plan on keeping it that way."

"If you're done and don't want to be involved, that's fine."

"Now 19-year-old me would have told you that you should be involved to 'give back'."

"Decades older me is like 'meh'."

"Also, a troop leader should be fully capable of pulling off a car camping (trailer, chuck boxes, dome tent, Dutch ovens) outing."

"If he can't pull this off with the help of his assistants, I wonder what's wrong. Heck, his older scouts should be able to do it (if he has any)."- drillbit7

"You are not."

"You clearly set the boundaries with them. It appears they thought you would be easier to cave with guilt."

"Hold firm, you didn’t enjoy it, perhaps what your dad needs himself is a 'hellish experience' to get the picture."

"Which is what he will get with you not there."- AdLoose8284

"NTA."

"Absolutely not."

"I also spent years in scouting (GS), and I understand all that goes into these trips."

"Us campers were delegated to the packing, planning menus, loading up, and everything except the actual grocery shopping."

"Even then, we each had a small list of supplies to bring."

"Unless these are Cubs, your dad and the other scout leaders need to get the troop involved as a troop (not just the Eagle they know) to get things in order."- Metella76

"NTA."

"I’m guessing you were forced to do scouting for your whole childhood and that’s why you quit on your 18th birthday."

"How is your dad a novice?"

"What was he doing while you were being forced to do it against your will?"- mangolover

"You're an adult, bud."

"You get to choose now."

"NTA."- TheInternetIsForPorb

"NTA."

"My FIL is an Eagle Scout, and he forced my husband (an only child) to become an Eagle Scout and in the process made my husband dislike scouting and resent his dad."- Puzzled-Heart9699

"NTA and move out asap."

"This is your Dad’s passion not yours."- Fun-Yellow-6576

"NTA."

"I don’t necessarily have an issue with your dad wanting to run his own troop, but I do have an issue with him taking on that responsibility and then expecting you to fill the gaps because he doesn’t have the knowledge, physical ability, or help necessary to do it himself."

"If he genuinely cannot run this trip without his 19-year-old son—who has repeatedly and clearly said he wants nothing more to do with Scouting then he needs to reconsider whether he is prepared to be the person responsible for running these trips in the first place."

"Sure, having another able-bodied person around is useful, especially outdoors."

"Extra hands and extra muscle can absolutely make things easier."

"But that doesn’t make you obligated to be that person."

"You didn’t volunteer, you didn’t register as a leader, and you told them well in advance that you weren’t going."

"What really stands out to me is how the reasoning keeps changing every time you say no."

"First it’s questioning your honesty, then 'we can’t do this without you', then vague threats, then Youth Protection rules, then making you responsible for packing and hauling everything, and now apparently the entire trip falling apart will somehow be your fault."

"That sounds less like asking for help and more like repeatedly testing your boundary until they find an argument that makes you give in."

"You even compromised by helping your dad lift some things at home because of his back pain."

"That’s helping your father."

"It doesn’t mean you’ve agreed to become unpaid labor for a Scouting event you explicitly opted out of."

"I will say, though, that at 19 and especially if you still live at home, this may be the point where you need to start creating little areas of independence wherever you realistically can."

"Get a job if you don’t already have one, contribute toward your own expenses, take over your phone bill, save toward moving out, etc."

"The fewer things they can hold over your head, the easier it becomes to say, 'I love you, but this is my decision'.”

"And I say that as a 26-year-old who still lives with their parents."

"That parent/adult-child dynamic can be a LOT of back-and-forth."

"Parents can genuinely believe they’re doing what’s best while also failing to realize they’re diminishing their adult child’s ability to make decisions for themselves."

"Your dad chose to run the troop."

"Your dad chose to organize the trip."

"Those choices do not automatically become your responsibility because he needs help."

"Hold your boundary."

"If their argument only works when you eventually give in, they’re going to keep trying different arguments until one works."

"NTA."- Apprehensive-Ad5396

It's clear the OP's father likes to be in control.

So much so that he seems to want to continue to try and control his son's life.

Unluckily for him, that is legally no longer possible for him, as now the OP is the only one who has any rightful control of his future.

Which could very likely result in his severing ties with his parents.