Sometimes you don't know that someone isn't really rooting for you until you win.
When they start dismissing your win, picking it apart and looking for anything that could be construed as negative, or even trying to embarrass you to bring you back down to their level, they're definitely not on your team, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor mmaddyspovv found out the hard way that her boyfriend definitely wasn't on her team when she got her "first real job," and he flipped the script on her by expecting her to split the bill at her celebratory dinner that he invited her out to, since she had "adult money" now.
When her boyfriend dismissed her concerns and called his actions "a joke," the Original Poster (OP) knew this wasn't a relationship that was prepared to grow with her.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by refusing to split the bill after what my boyfriend did?"
The OP was surprised when her boyfriend expected to split the bill at their latest dinner.
"My boyfriend (23 Male) invited me (18 Female) out for dinner, because he said he wanted to celebrate me getting a new job."
"Everything was normal until the bill came. He looked at me and said, 'We'll just split it, right?'"
"I was surprised because he was the one who invited me, but I said okay."
The OP was uncomfortable when she found out her boyfriend pranked her.
"Later that night, one of his friends accidentally mentioned that before I got there, my boyfriend had been joking that since I had 'a real paycheck now,' he didn't have to pay for me anymore."
"When I asked him about it, he laughed and said it was 'just a joke' but also admitted that's why he suggested splitting the bill."
The OP was no longer interested in dating her boyfriend.
"I sent him my half, but I told him I wasn't interested in going on dates with someone who invited me out just to make a point."
"Now he's saying I'm making him look cheap over 'one joke,' and a couple of our mutual friends think I'm taking it way too personally."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some pointed out that the ex made himself look cheap when he invited his girlfriend out to celebrate and didn't cover the bill.
"He’s making himself look cheap by being a cheap a**hole. Not you, hun. Congratulations on your new job. Now find a new man to go with it." - Secure_Sun8984
"NOR. That was not much of a 'celebration.'" - Melodic_Policy765
"Splitting the bill is fine in general, BUT HE INVITED YOU TO CELEBRATE. That means he needs to pay."
"NOR at all. He's five years older than you (and it's a big five years at this point in your life). He's seeing how far he can push you while keeping his pretty young girlfriend on his arm and in his bed."
"End it now." - bourbonontherox
"NOR. It's weird to invite your girlfriend out to celebrate her and then ask her to split it, but ultimately something you can get over. But him saying that is trashy and childish. I'd be out." - quillubo
"Insensitive joke aside, it's literally basic courtesy that if you are inviting someone out, particularly for celebrating something (job, birthday, anniversary whatever), you are the one to pay. That move alone was cheap." - Sundayscaries333
"If I was broke as f**k and invited my girlfriend out to celebrate her new job, I wouldn't care how much she was earning. I would find a way to pay because I invited her and it's to celebrate her."
"For non-celebratory dinners, we can agree beforehand how we are going to pay. You don't celebrate someone by asking them to pay for their part of it. Imagine it was your birthday and someone got you a great gift but asked you to pay for half immediately after they gave it to you."
"From what OP wrote, it sounds like her BF could afford to pay for all of dinner but decided not to because of a joke. The dinner was about her and for her. Chances are, when she got paid the first time, she would have offered to take him out because she's proud of her accomplishment and new income." - Prize_Staff_7941
"NOR. He already admitted it wasn’t 'just a joke.' If it were actually just a joke, he'd have said so almost immediately after suggesting they split the bill, and then he would have covered 100% of it because he invited her out to celebrate her achievement."
"There's a reason why this dude is dating someone five years younger than he is; the women his age won't put up with his bulls**t, so he's hoping someone younger will be too naïve or unconfident to call him on it."
"NOR, OP. Kick him to the curb now and don't spend another penny or minute on him." - atropos81092
"I f**king love seeing young women advocate for themselves and take no s**t."
"It takes most people years to learn that lesson. Good for you for walking away. Never let anyone convince you to settle for less."
"NOR." - NoDanaOnlyZuul
Others were certain that the age difference was a key factor in how the OP's ex was behaving.
"18 and 23, huh? And how long have y’all been together exactly?"
"It’s not a bad thing to want to split the bill, but it is something you talk about before the date, not something you joke about to your friends behind your partner’s back."
"But what behavior can we expect from a 23-year-old dude dating someone who’s probably fresh out of high school?" - unholyhello
"So he's 23 but acts like he's eight. You really think you overreacted?"
"And your friends don't know what they're talking about. A real man would've gotten you flowers and paid for dinner to celebrate, not turned it into a 'gotcha' moment."
"Eff that nonsense." - Electronic-Pack-8449
"I was 21 or 22 and took an 18-year-old coworker on a date. That one date was enough to think, 'Yeah, these are some formative years she's missing.' I broke it off right then and there and cringe about it now."
"Fresh out of high school and graduating college might only be a few years, but the development that happens during that time is exponential."
"OP's date might be 23, but he has the mentality of a high schooler." - K__Geedorah
"Your friends are probably also around 18, right? OP and your friends: you don't need to be dating 23-year-olds."
"They're not 'mature.' They're looking for someone to manipulate. If you must date someone, find someone closer to your own age."
"It would be different if you were 28 and he were 33." - Micojageo
"As soon as I saw the age difference, I knew."
"OP, babe, get with someone your age. That man has five years more experience in adulting than you. He sees a hot young thing that he can manipulate. Throw the whole man out." - MamaOnica
"NOR. You made the right choice getting rid of a guy who’s five years older than you and treated you this way, and as a girl dad, my advice is don’t look back because you aren’t going that way." - Full-Librarian1115
"I hope that OP finds someone to date who values her for her, not a paycheck. I would be soo upset and exhausted when a boyfriend invites me to a dinner to celebrate my new job or promotion and then says let’s split the bill."
"No dawg. I will pay for whatever I ordered, and you get your own tab. I’m definitely going to block and delete him. You know how valuable you are. You were shown how he thinks, so now it’s time to leave him alone. Cheap b**tard!"
"Trust and believe me, so many other people will want to date you. Don’t waste your time and energy with him." - Katiedidit37
"NOR. He sounds like a boy whose frontal cortex is still far from developing despite the age difference. I’d be willing to bet you could find someone who wanted to genuinely celebrate your milestones without trying to embarrass you." - Jrm12334
"It's nice when the trash takes itself out. Imagine inviting someone out to celebrate their success just to use it as a weird tactical move to save twenty bucks."
"Good on her for paying her half and immediately changing her subscription status to single."
"He saved her months of future headache by displaying his entire circus on day one of her new job." - ultrivon
The subReddit was angry on the OP's behalf, namely because her ex-boyfriend ruined what should have been a celebratory moment by making a petty point.
If the ex were interested in being with someone who split the bill rather than covering it, that would be fair. But that should also be discussed in private, not dropped on his partner at a moment's notice with the potential to embarrass them, especially during what should be a happy moment.
But embarrassment and taking the wind out of the OP's sails in light of her achievement was likely exactly what her ex was going for, and being only 18, she had plenty of time to find someone who'd truly celebrate her wins.
