A lot of attention has been paid to so-called "bridezillas"—women who terrorize everyone around them during their path to the altar. The phenomenon even launched a successful TV show about entitled brides with outrageous demands.
But what about their male counterparts? Do groomzillas exist?
A stepsibling dealing with a unhinged groom turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Southern-Escape-7240 asked:
"AITAH for getting married a month before my stepbrother?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"Me and my fiancé (32, male) have been together for 13 years. We were ready to get married—we bought a condo, a cat, and we’re working in our careers. A few months ago, we decided to get married and planned a private wedding with just us on the day we started dating."
"Due to our age, we have about 8 weddings to attend this year. One of which is my stepbrother who we rarely see or talk to (we didn’t really grow up together and I (31, female) have seen him a handful of times in the last decade+)."
"So we didn’t think twice about our ceremony day (which no one is invited to and it’s in a different country, plus we have no shared friends) being about 5 weeks before his wedding. We decided to tell our families this week that we are getting married and that it’s private."
"Since we won’t see my step brother until his wedding, we texted and told him the plans. We felt it was rude to show up to the wedding married and it being a surprise."
"For the record we are about 3 months from being married at this moment."
"Well. Big mistake."
"My stepbrother texted my fiancé back separately saying that he is incredibly hurt that we would pick that day and that he feels overshadowed. Yes, my stepbrother texted my fiancé and not me."
"My fiancé apologized that we made him feel that way, re-explained the reasoning for the date, and said we were very excited to celebrate him. My fiancé was then uninvited to my stepbrother's wedding as the apology was not enough and he is still 'very hurt'."
"I texted my stepbrother, just regurgitating our decision (the why around the date) and asked him to please text me instead. My stepbrother then said that my fiancé is manipulating me into getting married before him so that we get all the attention."
"My fiancé and I decided to leave it alone as we are very taken aback by this. My mom said he’s always been like this. Like I said, we don’t see him at all, so I don’t really know his personality that well."
"To be very clear, my fiancé is a very nice man whom has been nothing but nice to my stepbrother in the very few times they’ve seen each other. My fiancé is more involved in our family than my stepbrother is."
"AITAH for choosing to get married a month before my kind of not family type stepbrother?"
The OP later added:
"We thought it was maybe a misunderstanding at first, so we clarified with him that it was private, and that it was not affecting his day at all, and he then proceeded to uninvite us/my fiancé."
"I get that there are multiple scenarios where this would be offensive to him, but this is just not one of those."
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP had not done anything to warrant their stepbrother's reaction (NTA).
"NTA at all. Especially since yours is a private wedding, it doesn’t put any strain on your family or shared friends. Strain as in, time they may have to take off, a present or clothes to buy or something else related to weddings you can think about.
"Your stepbrother is being very dramatic in this case." ~ AholeEnthusiastic
"So your wedding plans involved just you two? So overshadowing what exactly? I imagine you’ll just make a Facebook post and let everyone know it’s happened to which you’ll get some congrats messages and that’ll be it. Watch out for Groomzilla and his ego here. NTA but your step brother needs to get a grip." ~ allaboutbearř
"NTA. Your stepbrother's insecurities are not your responsibility. He's behaving like a spoiled child." ~ BG3restart
"NTA. Your stepbrother is the manipulator. He does not own the year for getting married."
"Nobody else is going to be at your wedding in another country. You could have gotten married THEN told everyone else so your step brother wouldn't have been surprised by your marriage. It would be too late to object or plant the seed that you are in the wrong for getting married before him. Nobody is being inconvenienced, by the way."
"Just get married on the day you planned, and if your stepbrother gets weird, ask him what is he going to say to all of the other couples in the world who are getting married this year." ~ APiqued
"NTA. Your stepbrother gets a wedding DAY, not a wedding year or month, he’s being a self-centred drama queen."
"It’s not like you’re planning to turn up to his ceremony in a white dress and celebrate your wedding with him." ~ bella_bells19
"NTA. This is insane. It's a private ceremony between you two, so you're not forcing guests to travel to a different country possibly affecting attendance at your stepbrother's wedding."
"People don't get to dibs entire months or years for their wedding. You're not overshadowing anything. He's just sensitive. I would let him know that if your fiancé isn't invited, you're not going." ~ CeramicSavage
"NTA. He gets the day, not the year! How you getting married 5 weeks before him steals the spotlight, I am not sure."
"If his wedding is the first time you’ll see everyone since getting married, you might have a get together so people can congratulate you not at his wedding. But it’s really not about him."
"I’d tell him there is no prize for getting married first, especially since you are not having a wedding ceremony people in your family will be attending." ~ Haunting_Cicada_4760
"Every wedding I've ever been to has been as much a catch up with rarely seen relatives and old friends as much as a celebration of the happy couple."
"At my sister's wedding a few years ago I spent the entire evening with my aunt, her husband, my cousin and his wife catching up as we don't see each other very often. I even had a quick facetime with my cousins dad who was too old and frail to attend."
"When my sister heard I was about to talk to our uncle she snuggled in so she could say hello and show off her dress. It wasn't planned, it just happened and my sister was really happy." ~ Adelucas
"NTA."
"Your date. Your day. Your life."
"No one is invited, so it's not overshadowing sh*t." - lun4d0r4
"Your stepbrother is off his rocker! 5 weeks is also plenty of time in between, even if it weren’t a private ceremony. He needs to get over himself. I wouldn’t be going either, especially after the uninviting of my SO." ~ lunago92
"I kinda feel like, if he’s THAT sensitive about having to share 'his' wedding season (when you’re not even sharing it because no one is going, so basically he's imagining slights where there aren’t any), then he would have been just as pissed if you didn’t tell him beforehand."
"Damned if you do damned if you don’t. I don’t think this is about you at all. I think he’s just a groomzilla who doesn’t want ANYONE getting married." ~ Andromeda081
The OP provided a short update:
"I can’t reply to everyone, but my entire family is SHOCKED and also thought we are NTA, so THANK YOU!"
"We told everyone the truth right away and sent screenshots of messages so there were no made-up stories. I just didn’t know if what we did was a faux pas or what, since we aren’t experienced in weddings."
"100% going forward with our wedding as planned, and we will laugh about this one day. For today, we are in complete shock over my stepbrother's behavior."
"I’m not going to his wedding for sure. And I think the rest of my family is now politely declining. It’s absurd."
OP is getting married on a date significant to her relationship in a private ceremony. No guests will be attending, so OP isn't making anyone miss their stepbrother's wedding or making anyone choose which event to attend.
It really has no bearing on their stepbrother's wedding unless he makes it that way.
Hopefully OP's wedding is exactly what they’re hoping for, and they enjoy not having to attend a wedding with the groomzilla.
