Whether they're your best friends or someone you've barely exchanged two words with, it's always a wise idea to remain on cordial terms with your next door neighbors.
Some people, however, take being neighborly to a whole new level.
Feeling no need to ever check in before showing up for an extended visit, or even partaking in their neighbor's amenities without asking permission first.
Redditor Big-Exercise-2827 had neighbors that fell into this less than desirable category.
Leading the original poster (OP) to want to take some measures to put an end to this behavior.
Measures the OP's husband was not at all comfortable enforcing.
Wondering if her request was unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for wanting in impose boundaries on my neighbor?"
The OP explained why they were feeling anything but neighborly:
"My husband (54), my Mother-in-law [MIL] (80) and I (55) just moved out of state 1,200 miles away."
"We found the perfect house - 1/2 acre, screened in patio with salt water pool and a separate bungalow for my MIL."
"Prior to selling our old house but after closing on the new house, my husband had traveled to the new house to do some repairs prior to us moving in."
"While there, he met several of our new neighbors."
"One of them told my husband that the previous owner had passed away and he was heartbroken because they were good friends and very close to his family."
"Once we moved to the new home, the neighbor stopped in that very night with his wife to say hi and introduce themselves."
"We were all very tired from the drive down, so my husband told them that we were going to get settled in, but to stop by anytime to hang out so we could get to know each other."
"The following evening, they came by again, and went on and on about how the previous owner, who had passed away, always welcomed them into her home, let them use the pool, let them (or guests of theirs) stay in the bungalow, and followed up all of these stories with pictures of them and their children in our house."
"I didn't think much of it other than they missed her."
"Since then, the husband randomly stops by unannounced at any time from 7:00 a.m. to 11:00 p.m., opening the gate to our backyard and the door to our patio and just sits down and makes himself at home."
"At times, he'll invite his wife or kids to join him."
"Sometimes, we're in the pool, or are having breakfast or winding down to go to bed."
"One time, my MIL said she was uncomfortable because she had just gotten up, was in her pajamas and didn't have her 'teeth' in."
"I mentioned it to my husband, so we started locking the door to the patio."
"Now, my husband and I are flying back home for my family's reunion."
"My MIL, who is very independent, has zero issue with staying at home for a few days by herself, but is concerned about the neighbor just stopping by while we're away."
"I told her to lock the gate while we're away, so he can't just walk into the yard."
"I told my husband this, and he seemed kind of upset, stating that since he had already told the neighbor to stop by whenever he wanted, he didn't want to be inhospitable and look like a jerk by telling him not to or by locking the gate."
"I went behind his back and told her to lock the gate anyway if that made her feel more comfortable."
"So who's TA here? My husband for not wanting to appear unneighborly, me for going behind his back about locking the gate while we're away or our neighbor for taking advantage of my husband's open invitation?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community vehemently agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for wanting to "impose boundaries" on their neighbors.
Everyone agreed that these neighbors were getting much too comfortable using the OP's amenities, and setting boundaries was necessary, with many surprised that the OP's husband neglected to take into account that the OP was taking his mother's safety and comfort into consideration:
"NTA."
"There's a difference between saying 'stop by whenever' to encourage neighbourly affection and having a bit of a community whereby you're not strangers to your neighbors, and allowing your neighbours to just come round and use your home as an extension of their's."
"Your MIL is an elderly woman in a new environment by herself and she deserves to feel secure in the home while you two aren't there."
"Locking the gate is beyond a reasonable measure for her to take."- coastalkid92
"NTA for sure."
"the neighbor took the open invite and ran with it."
"going behind your husband’s back kinda sucks but protecting your mil while youre out of town is more important."- missingurtext
"NTA."
"Your husband should worry more about his mother's comfort and less about what the neighbor thinks."
"You are desperately in need of some boundaries here."- RoyallyOakie
"NTA."
"That would drive me nuts having him pop over anytime without an invite."- Impossible_Sun_9534
"NTA."
"Locking the gate is a good idea, and hopefully clues the neighbor in to you not wanting him wandering in freely all the time - and really if you have a pool, the gate should be locked so no one wanders in, it's a liability."
"If it doesn't work, your husband is the one who opened the door, he needs to be the one setting the boundary."
"'We love having friendly and close neighbors, but we also value our privacy and our schedule, and would appreciate you asking us before coming over'."- Jerseygirl2468
“'Your vulnerable elderly mother is not comfortable with a man she barely knows, coming onto the property any time he feels like it whether we are there or not. Lock the gate'.”
"NTA."- Glittering-Paper4516
"Oh my gosh absolutely not."
"NTA and have a firm talk with your husband that he needs to squash this in the bud ASAP."
"I cannot think of anything worse then random neighbours just popping in cause of a handshake agreement with an old guy years ago and that just continuing to happen."
"Yikes, no!OP ideally yourself needs to speak with the old guy and say something like: 'We appreciate that you had an agreement with the old owner and I am sure you miss him very much but now we're settled in I wanted to just bring up that the coming over any time and just getting comfortable, using the pool etc all of that does need to stop unless my husband, MIL or I explicitly send an invitation to come over. We've realised it's all a bit too much and I appreciate you sticking to that rule. We're sure to have you over for things but right now the turning up unannounced has to stop. Thank you for understanding'."- Empressario
"NTA."
"Your husband cannot unilaterally decide that the neighbor has 24/7 access to your property without checking with you."
"He decided to offer something that isn’t solely his to give, now he gets to be the one to clear things up with the neighbor since he jumped the gun."
"It’s fine to say they can stop by any time to see if you guys are available/open to hang out, it’s not okay to effectively give away your backyard and pool."
"Why does he care more about the neighbors entitlement than his elderly mother’s comfort?"- Beautiful-Mountain73
"NTA."
"Oh hell no, tamp this sh*t down NOW. "
"Lock the gate."
"They can not expect the same open invitation."
"MIL will be occupying the bungalow FULL TIME and she deserves privacy."
"This is not a f*cking free Airbnb ."
"They are testing boundaries, set them hard, set them now."
"Maybe even put up cameras."- Suspicious_Juice717
"You do realise that the neighbour blathering on about how his old neighbour used to let him do all these things was him trying to weasel the same concessions out of you guys, right?"
"He successfully manipulated your husband into getting his own way."
"I’m pretty territorial about my property and would’ve slammed that gate shut and locked it after he mentioned having free access to your property."
"NTA."- Brit_in_usa1
We'd like to make it clear to those close to us that our door is "always open".
That being said, the OP's neighbor's took that age-old saying too literally.
No doubt owing to how comfortable they were enjoying the OP's property when the previous owners were living there.
Perhaps the OP and their husband should consider turning the tables, and make several unannounced visits to their neighbors home.
After all, "the grass is always greener in someone else's yard..."
