Tea and coffee are often meant to be stimulating or soothing.
But caffeine can get people all flustered.
Don't mess with a person's drink order.
Redditor Tea-Management9195 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for not getting my DIL coffee becuase she hates tea?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"This feels really stupid, and I need to know if I am the problem here or not."
"My son seems to think I am the problem."
"My D[aughter]-I[n]-L[aw] loves coffee."
"She is the type of person who will go get coffee every morning."
"It is not uncommon that if she goes out to get coffee, she will pick up coffee for other people as well."
"The issue is she will never get me a tea or any tea lattes."
"As she puts it, it is leaf water that she doesn't want to waste her money on."
"I am asking her to get a 5-dollar thing of tea if she is already picking up everyone 8 dollars fancy coffees."
"I am asking for a tea latte or an iced tea that I literally can’t make at the time."
"So she comes back with everyone's drink but mine."
"It is really frustrating on trips because I will be driving most of the time."
"She takes everyone's orders and goes in while I am either getting gas or snacks for the trip to come back without any caffeine."
"Then I have to go into the shop to get my drink."
"There have been so many times she asked in the chat, if anyone wants something at Starbucks; I tell her what I want, and then she comes back with everyone's drink but mine."
"Talking to her doesn’t help."
"She just claims I can make it at home."
"To the issue, I was going over to babysit the grandkids for my son and daughter (so four adults)."
"I sent a text saying I was stopping at Starbucks and asked if they wanted anything."
"This is the exact same thing she does."
"They gave me their orders, and I decided that I wouldn’t get my DIL her drink to make a point, basically."
"I got to where everyone was and gave everyone their drink besides my DIL."
"She was pissed, and I pointed out this is the same thing she does with me all the time."
"She told me it wasn’t the same and I can make tea at home."
"I told her to make her coffee at home, because the pot is right there."
"We got into a fight, and my son told me to apologize and get her drink."
"I told him no, and I am tired of this."
"I have spoken to them multiple times, and if she doesn’t change what she does, I will never get her drink when I get drinks for others."
"They left, but after babysitting, I am still hearing about it."
"I need your opinion."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA, if she's asking for orders and getting everyone but yours, that's incredibly rude."
"You simply matched her actions."
"I'm guessing there are other issues at play too, but solely for this, NTA." ~ Jerseygirl2468
"I actually think there's a chance this could be about the coffee."
"DIL could be one of those insufferable people who make one thing a significant part of their personality, and just refuses to buy tea because of some weird superiority complex." ~ thatssjtoyou
"If someone doesn't like to be treated the same way they treat you, you can always be confident you are NTA." ~ Affectionate-Tie3250
"NTA - how old is your DIL?"
"It sounds like she’s just outright disrespecting you for no apparent reason (from what is available in the post)."
"I’m surprised your child hasn’t said something to their spouse about how weird this is." ~ Positronomy
"They are horrid people."
"This is atrocious behavior."
"She is dictating her favors to people (not how favors work, by the way - or else they're just manipulation tactics) and you need to as well."
"If this doesn't wake your son up to her nasty behavior, then he sucks too."
"Start dictating your favors!!!"
"They need babysitting more than her attitude."
"Tell them you'll babysit - for a fee of tea."
"No tea - no babysitting."
"When they call out how absolutely ridiculous that is - agree that it is and tell them you are tired of it from there ends." ~ Euphoric-Effective30
"NTA - And it always disgusts me when I hear about a family like this, when one person is allowed to behave like a colossal a**hole (your DiL), insult your drink order, exclude you from the whole thing, and everyone rushes around to take their side when someone stands up to them."
"I wouldn't bring any of them drinks, and I wouldn't babysit either." ~ MercuryJellyfish
"NTA. But you can be right, or you can be happy, so I would stop offering any drinks or expecting any."
"Also, I love coffee, but I think it's foul scorn that a coffee drinker could characterize tea as 'leaf water' when coffee is 'bean water.'"
"Don't yuck someone's yum." ~ DantesStudentLoans
"NTA. Who raised her?"
"Just because she doesn’t like your drink order, she won’t get you a tea?"
"She needs to learn some manners and stop being a petulant child."
"Well, she and your son, I’m sorry to say."
"You’re doing the driving, you’re doing the babysitting, and probably a kindness here and there that they can’t reciprocate."
"You deserve better, and I hope your son doesn’t continue treating you this way." ~ Sea-Collection-7367
"The fact that your son is backing up his wife's AH behavior is concerning."
"Brava on the Starbucks move."
"You were only returning her energy."
"Going forward, continue that behavior."
"If you're the one driving, refuse to move until you get your drink."
"NTA, but your passive-aggressive bully DIL is." ~ No-Today-3064
"NTA - such double standards here, your DIL just doesn't seem to get it, even when you rubbed the answer in her face."
"It's not whether or not tea is worth the damn money or not, it's about OP being excluded every single time."
"Now that OP did it to her, suddenly DIL has the right to be pissed, but OP doesn't?"
"Does not compute." ~ Zagriel55
"NTA. The fact that your son has not said anything about this before really makes them both AHs."
"You are an adult, and you want a Tea."
"She has this prejudice against tea and this control matter in her head that her view is the only view."
"Absolutely, you can make coffee AND teas at home."
"Guess what, you can make food at home too, but for some reason there are SOOO many restaurants selling meals!!!"
"You know why."
"Some people like it."
"Her saying your desires are not worthy when they are clearly reasonable makes her a piece of... BUT no-one standing up for you before is very SAD!!!" ~ catskilkid
"Coffee and tea are basically the same thing - plant parts brewed in (usually) hot water."
"How she doesn’t understand that is astounding."
"NTA."
If I were you, I would start ordering coffee and just not drink it."
"Then she’d really be wasting her money." ~ Open_Bug_4251
"Your daughter-in-law does not like you."
"It is not about tea or coffee."
"She is rude, and your son allows it."
"Did he ever once demand SHE apologize to you for not getting your tea?"
"I see she still takes advantage of you by having you babysit when she wants to go out."
"So she sees a use for you."
"NTA. But your son and DIL are major ones." ~ Ok-Cap-204
"NTA, but I would have said, I will go get her drink and then just gone home without babysitting."
"Then tell your son that you will not babysit until they treat you with more respect." ~ Free_Science_1091
"If your son and DIL see this response: that’s a weak excuse for being a hypocrite."
"You need therapy if you think that treating your MIL like crap consistently over a drink is a good way to 'stand your ground.'"
"To the son - really?"
"Support your spouse for being a bully!?"
"NTA to OP." ~ MauiValleyGirl
OP returned to chat...
"Ok- well I got my answer."
"I am going to send this to my son and tell him we need to talk ASAP."
"My son got back to me and told me we will talk in a bit."
"Well I just got off the phone with my DIL and son."
"Yes, they have seen this post; I sent it to them."
"My DIL apologized, and this issue has nothing to do with me."
"I thought she just hated me, but this has to do with her own mother."
"They have a bad relationship, and when they married they didn’t wish for that type of relationship to happen again with me."
"It also didn’t help that her sister has a horrible M[other]-I[n]-L[aw], so she thought she needed to be distant and cold off the start."
"So yes, she was being rude on purpose. "
"This post kinda opened her eyes about how she was acting as her mother acts."
"My son also apologized and realized he went too far in the direction of supporting your spouse."
"He admits he did the easy thing because we don’t live together."
"I informed them I won’t put up with being disrespected anymore and hopefully nothing backtracks."
"We seem good now, but I have a feeling more talks will happen."
"Anyways, thank you, Reddit."
"This was helpful."
It's always great to hear about a positive ending.
Reddit came through for you, OP.
Hopefully, there doesn't need to be more chats.
But you deserve respect.
Don't be afraid to demand it.
