There is little any expectant mother looks forward to more than delivering their special bundle of joy.
That being said, many pregnant women anticipate the actual birth with a fair amount of unease.
With this in mind, many soon-to-be mothers have a strict birthing plan, planning how everything should go on the big day to an almost minute detail.
Of course, as is often the case, even the best laid plans can fail to fall through.
The son and daughter in-law (DIL) of Redditor dil-issue-1046 were expecting their first child.
Like many other expectant mothers, the original poster (OP)'s DIL had a strict birth plan.
A birth plan the OP did not approve of at all, and wasn't afraid to say so.
Wondering if they were out of line, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for ruining my daughter in laws birth plan?"
The OP explained why they derailed their DIL's birth plan:
"My son and DIL are staying with me at the moment."
"Their house is being fixed due to a flooding issue that happened about a week ago."
"A fire hydrant broke and flooded the houses near it."
"Due to this there home needs some of the floors replaced, and it is not safe for them to be there while contractors deal with the damage."
"My DIL is supposed to give birth to her first kid at the beginning of next month, and their home will not be fixed in time."
"They have been staying with me and set up a little nursery in the guest bedroom."
"My home is not big."
"I downsized years ago, so I live in a 2-bedroom, 1-bathroom home."
"I learned this weekend that she was planning on having a water home birth and a midwife during it."
"I thought she was going to the hospital, but that apparently wasn't the plan."
"She plans to have the kid in a basically a blown up pool that goes in the house."
"The only two places it will fit are the living room or if I move my bed in the master bedroom."
"I thought about it, and I am not comfortable with that happening in my home."
"I told her this today, and she was pissed."
"We got into an argument, and she is mad that I ruined her birth plan."
"My son wants me to apologize and have it here."
"Again, I am against it."
"I don't want her giving birth in my living room."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**Hole for telling their DIL that she couldn't have a water birth in their house.
Everyone agreed that the OP's DIL home birthing plan was fine for her home, but as that was now off the table, she needed to make adjustments. Since it was the OP's house, they had the right to say what could and couldn't be done:
"Almost all instances of mothers-in-law interfering with the birth of their grandchild are wrong."
"Except this one."
"You’re entitled to an opinion and full veto power since this plan would happen in YOUR house."
"NTA."- Tiger-Lily88
"NTA."
"And you aren't messing up her birthing plan."
"Her home flood did."
"This is your home, and you get to decide what happens in it."- LowBalance4404
"NTA, it is your property and home."
"Also, it would be good for your DIL to note that her birth plan was not ruined by you, rather by whoever failed to maintain the fire hydrant and forced them out of their home."- BigSkyUser_40k
"NTA."
"She can make the decision to do a homebirth when the location is in her home, but she doesn’t get to make that decision about someone else's home."- sun_and_stars8
"NTA."
"You didn't ruin your DIL's birth plan, a broken fire hydrant did."
'And that really sucks, and I feel for her."
"But this isn't your fault."
"She's in a really tough place, hormonally, but I would just keep gently reminding her that you're just helping make Plan B (giving birth in a hospital) work, not ruining Plan A."
"Also, I'm assuming that unless your son and his wife owned their home outright, their mortgage company required them to hold fairly comprehensive home insurance, the type that covers alternate housing while the home is being rebuilt."
"It might be worth reminding your son that their insurance may actually cover housing that could allow your DIL her Plan A."-winnie_the_grizzly
"NTA."
"Your home, your rules."
"She should find a birthing center that has a tub."
"Safer all around & she gets her pool."- PlatypusDream
"NTA."
"You did not ruin her birth plan."
"Flooding ruined her birth plan."
"She did not formulate a birth plan that included giving birth at someone else's home, especially without their permission."
"Personally, I think water ruining her birth plan to give birth in water is a sign that water is not her friend right now."
"At the very least, it's a sign that large amounts of water inside a house can be a bad idea."- calminthedark
"NTA."
"Absolutely not."
"Jesus, she should go to a hospital."
"A lot of hospitals have birthing tubs too, she should look into it."- bokatan778
"With the title, I was a little leery."
"I absolutely think you are NTA."
"They are guests in your home."
"You said it’s not very big, so there just isn’t space."
"Unfortunately, circumstances happen out of our control, and plans have to adjust."
"With every birth, plans may need to change- it’s unfortunate, but it happens."
"I agree with PC that she should look into a birthing center!"- RevolutionarySoft742
"NTA."
"Midwives have specific places for this."
"They aren’t hospitals but more like midwife centers."
"She can go there if she really wants to."- needGuidance792087
"Reading the title before clicking 'Oh hell yeah, you probably suck'.”
"After reading the post 'What in the f*ck'.”
"NTA."- TheYarnGoblin
"NTA."
"There is no way I would allow this in my home, and I'm still in a larger home."
"I guarantee that there's going to be water all over your floor from moving around."
"Tell them you're sorry, but they need to get their insurance to cover a short-term rental."
"And no landlord is going to let them set up a swimming pool inside either."
"There are birthing centers that offer water births at their OWN facilities."- MarthaT001
"NTA."
"Maybe she can go to some sort of birthing Clinic?"
"I mean, it might be last second, but she shouldn't have assumed she could have a water birth in your living room."
"But yeah definite issue and problem."- NaturesVividPictures
"NTA."
"If she wants a water birth and doesn't have her own space to do it, she needs to find a birthing center that offers that service."- skabillybetty
"NTA."
"At the very least, they should have discussed it with you."- littlepinkroses
"You didn't ruin her birth plan."
"The town ruined her birth plan."
"Giving birth in an inflatable pool is not ideal."
"The town can pay for her preferred childbirth method."
"NTA."- _bufflehead
"NTA."
"I have had 2 babies myself, both of which needed emergent and unexpected help during birth, so we both didn’t die."
"Outside of the very reasonable desire not to have a pool of water, blood, and other bodily fluids in your home and not have to listen to anywhere from 10 to 40 hours or more of labor, there is another reason I would never say yes."
"My husband was a firefighter/ emt and my best friend a nicu nurse."
"The thing with home birth is that everything is fine until it isn’t, and when it isn’t, it can go horribly wrong very, very quickly, especially in the US, where midwife standards are not universal."
"I would not be okay with the risk of my DiL bleeding out in my living room or my grandchild being stillborn or dying in my bedroom."
"It is not okay to ask someone to turn their home into a potential trauma nightmare for your own purely selfish desires."-Revnorthwest
"NTA."
"I cannot even fathom giving birth in someone’s living room where I am a guest."
"Yikes. On. Bikes."- Tiny_Boat_7983
"NTA. and worse - they knew you wouldn’t be cool with it or else they would have brought up the plan sooner."- missmegz1492
"NTA."
"This should have been disclosed prior to moving in."
"You’re being so helpful having them stay and bring a newborn in."
"That’s enough."- Lthrluv2013
"What?"
"No, you’re NTA."
"This is your home, so you’re entitled to set boundaries."- Juls1016
It can't be easy for the OP's DIL to stray from her birth plan.
However, sometimes circumstances beyond our control force us to make necessary changes.
Hopefully, when the OP's DIL holds her beautiful baby in her arms, she'll forget she ever had a birth plan to begin with.
