Potty training is a difficult time for parents.
The uncertainty of how long it’ll take or when the kid will need to be changed again always add a certain amount o stress to any outing.
What happens when that stress is compounded by a sibling’s discomfort?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Weird-Outside-577 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
“AITA for causing family drama over a swimming pool?”
OP got right to the situation at hand.
“So I know from experience that Reddit isn’t the most understanding towards parents of young kids.”
“But I really just want a third-party opinion because this situation is driving me crazy and my family are saying I need to get over it.”
“I (F30’s) live with my partner and our two kids, ages 7 and 3.”
“My older sister ‘Ava’ (also F30’s) and her husband recently purchased a house in the local area.”
“It’s a super nice place with a big yard and as you can probably guess from the title, a swimming pool.”
“Ava recently hosted a barbecue at her place. It wasn’t a huge event. She invited me, our parents and our other siblings.”
“She mentioned letting the kids play in the pool, so I only assumed my kids would get to be included”
“We are potty training, although my youngest is still in diapers at the moment.”
“At the barbecue, I was getting my youngest ready for the pool by changing him into a swim diaper.”
“Ava pulled me aside and told me she doesn’t think it’s ‘hygienic’ for my youngest to play in the pool, since swim diapers don’t hold pee, and she asked that he doesn’t swim in the pool with the other kids playing in it.”
“I didn’t think this was fair and told Ava that lots of people, adults and kids, pee in the pool, and it would be no different at a public pool, so what’s the problem?”
“She was being really condescending and wouldn’t listen to me at all and said that he can play in the pool when he’s ‘toilet trained’ and said it’s not fair on the other kids.”
“At this point, my son was crying because he wanted to swim in the pool, and I told Ava she was being cold, but it’s her house and her pool, so do what you want.”
“Ava accused me of trying to guilt trip her and told me just to drop it.”
“I was getting upset myself at this point, and I told our parents and other siblings about what Ava did.”
“They told me it’s not a big deal and that it’s not worth arguing with her over and try not to let it bother me.”
“I wasn’t happy with this because this essentially means they’re siding with her and downplaying how she treated me and my son.”
“I left the barbecue early with my family because we didn’t feel welcome after that.”
“The next day Ava messaged me a whole paragraph and said that she’s ‘sorry’ that I’m upset and that she wasn’t trying to exclude my son for the sake of it.”
“It was a super non-apology, and I told her I don’t want to hear it and that she’s damaged her relationship with her nephew and she’s not the one who had to deal with him being upset.”
“Ava snapped at me out of nowhere and said I’m being dramatic.”
“I told her to grow up and said that I have a very valid reason to be mad, and she needs to stop acting like a teenager.”
“Ava showed these messages to everyone and everything’s just a bit up in the air. I feel like I’m right here, but the rest of my family doesn’t seem to agree.”
OP was left to wonder,
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: YTA
The direct approach.
“How the fuck are people voting N-T-A here??”
“First and foremost, it’s not your pool. It’s Ava’s.”
“And It’s totally reasonable for her not to want your kid’s piss in it.” ~ fhdjdfhjdfjhdfjdf
“Thanks, I thought I was going crazy. OP is absolutely TA”
“‘lots of people, adults and kids, pee in the pool'”
“That’s why OP’s sis has a private pool with a no-pee policy.” ~ DapperSmoke5
“Not sure why peeing in the pool is considered OK by a lot of people, but it’s f**king disgusting and your sister has a right to say no.” ~ EnoughOrMore13
“Also, I don’t know the details of swim diapers, but if pee from them isn’t held in, I don’t think they are really isolating poop from the pool either.”
“Maybe you wouldn’t see a full-on turd floating in the water, but you’d basically have a sh*t teabag.” ~ Griffin880
“Swim diapers don’t absorb liquid. That’s why they can be in the water. So pee and loose stool is going right into the pool, 100%.”
“It’ll contain solid feces long enough for parents to change the diaper.” ~ lucky7hockeymom
Private pools mean private rules.
‘”Told Ava that lots of people, adults and kids, pee in the pool, and it would be no different at a public pool so what’s the problem?'”
“But this isn’t a public pool.”
“It’s her private pool at her house, and if she doesn’t want to risk having someone piss in it, she should be able to make that call without being argued at.”
“Peeing in public pools is gross and wrong too, FYI.”
“Just because other people do it doesn’t make it fine, lmao. Instead of rushing to defend this behavior, have you considered just… Being better?” ~ Prince-Lee
“To be fair though, there is a huge difference between a code brown in a much larger public pool and a small private one.”
“Also, when you go to a public pool, there is kind of a mental expectation of a bit of grossness-“
“Whether as part of the bonus of having a private pool is that you don’t have to share grossness with strangers AND you get to stop people going in who you know will make it unsanitary- e.g. toddlers who aren’t toilet trained.” ~ grammarlysucksass
“She has a private pool so she can avoid the problems that come with a public pool.” ~ Wandering-Fairy
Some saw both sides.
“Yikes this is a tough one.”
“I’ll go NAH bc I see both sides to this.”
“A private pool is a bit different than a public pool that allows kids in swim diapers.”
“It’s smaller and you generally need to use chlorine and much less often than they do at a public pool.”
“On the other hand, I cannot imagine inviting friends or family over and not allowing the little ones to swim.”
“That’s basically torture for the kids and parents. I’d just suck it up that it might mess with the levels, and I’d have to treat the water more often.” ~ yeahipostedthat
Escalation is bad.
“She probably could’ve cleared it beforehand, but my eldest sister has a pool, and whenever there’s barbecues, the toddlers never get in it for the same reason.”
“Either way, its not your house. Just get over it. Your toddler probably forgot about it at this point.” ~ koiashes
“This is the most sensible response.”
“On OP’s side, I can see why she’s upset that her kid was left out, and it all could have been prevented if her sister had informed her of the rules beforehand.”
“On the sister’s side, I think it is 100% reasonable to not want someone to sh*t in your private pool, even a kid.”
“Also, as someone who doesn’t have kids, I can also see how she just might not have realised that it would cause such upset to her nephew.”
“What isn’t reasonable is OP’s huge escalation of the situation.”
“She’s taking her sister’s totally reasonable request far too personally, and acting like the relationship with nephew is ‘damaged’ is manipulative and ridiculous- as you say, he’s probably forgotten by now.”
“This is not the kind of fight that should last a long time- OP and sis should just both take a moment to be privately irritated with each other and then move on.” ~ grammarlysucksass
Not everyone was against OP here.
“She could have told her this BEFORE the kid was already getting changed and avoided two adults and a child having a meltdown over it.” ~ Suspiciouscupcake23
“Swim diapers are acceptable at ymca, hoa, great wolf lodge, water parks all of which have much higher standards than Ava’s backyard pool.”
“It would never be assumed someone invites you over but wouldn’t allow a baby in the pool.”
“You don’t need to ask an absurd question that goes against something socially and hygienically accepted across the board.” ~ AnywhereNo12
“I’m having a pool party for the kids to swim, potty trained only.”
“See how short that was.”
“Pool party potty trained kids only! Even shorter.”
“Not that hard.”
“Also I have 6 sisters trust me I know which kids are potty trained or not. Sisters talk about their kids especially when it involves stressful things like potty training.” ~ Comprehensive_Sock49
Potty training is hard, but is a dirty diaper worth damaging a relationship?