Being a parent means loving unconditionally and supporting unconditionally.
But Redditor Just-Airport-774 knows that true unconditional love and support sometimes looks like tough love.
The Original Poster (OP) just found out a harsh reality about their son.
This drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
They asked:
“AITA for telling my son he can’t stay with me when I found out why his wife kicked him out.”
They went on to explain.
“My daughter-in-law is pregnant with my first grandchild. She is suffering from placenta preavia. She is on bedrest.”
“It would be dangerous for her to have sex. So my a**hole son decided that he should cheat.”
“She found out and kicked him out of the house. He came to stay with us because ‘she was having crazy pregnancy hormones’.”
“Every time he called her they would fight. After a couple of days we told him to go see if she calmed down.”
“Her mom is staying with them so we weren’t worried about her. My wife called her to check in on her and found out the truth.”
“I [was] very upset. When he got home from work I told him he needed to get out of my house.”
“He wasn’t someone I wanted to associate with at the moment and it would be best if he wasn’t near me.”
“My wife tried to say that I was being too hard on him. That I should just give them a chance to work things out. I can’t even look at him. I don’t want such a stupid boy in my house.”
“My wife and I are still fighting about it but I am willing to die on this hill.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA – never TA for such integrity. Your son most definitely is, and (I suspect) his enabling mommy is as well. Kudos to you for doing the right thing.” – bureaucratic_drift
“NTA- you have respect for your daughter-in-law and strong morals of knowing right from wrong. Looks like your son never inherited them.” – Sea_Supermarket_9728
“NTA. Good, let him rot. Too many parents enable the awful behavior of their adult children, particularly their adult sons, and all it does is cause that overgrown child to continue to act up.”
“And we see way too many Boy MomsTMin this sub (i.e., women that coddle their male children and encourage them to treat their wives terribly).”
“Good on you for not letting that sort of thing happen in your family.”
“Your daughter-in-law is family and the mother of your grandchild. She needs your support now, not the man that cheated on her and blew up his own marriage.” – beanfiddler
“NTA. Consequences of his own sh*tty actions. Good for you for not condoning it.”
“Your grandchild is on their way, and grandkid and their mum need all the support. Hell yes, do not let him get away with disrespect and entitlement.” – sikonat
“A decent husband would be too tired to cheat because they would be doing everything they could to help their wife. She’s sick in bed and pregnant with his child.”
“I wouldn’t be able to even look at him if he was my son.” – meditatinganopenmind
“Nta, his reason for cheating is disgusting. I question your wife’s morals. You’re a good dad for stepping up for your DIL. Actions have consequences” – Existing_Ideal8840
“Why does your wife think you’re too hard on him? What is her reasoning that she doesn’t blame him for his infidelity? Would she forgive and make excuses if you were unfaithful?”
“NTA… I’m just trying to understand your wife’s stance on y’all’s son. Unless he’s her golden child and not subject to any type of censure.”
“I agree with you that this is a hill to die on.” – Unfair_Ad_4470
“Has your wife even acknowledged that your son”
“1. Cheated on his wife who cannot medically have sex”
“2. Lied about the situation to put the blame on the wife”
“Because if she hasn’t…it sounds like your son is her golden boy who can do no wrong in her eyes and it’s always someone else’s fault.”
“Good luck with waking her up from that.”
“I’m glad that you can see your son clearly. I’m not telling you to cut him off.”
“But your wife and son need to acknowledge the voluntary wrongdoing (both the cheating and the lying), how serious it is and how morally corrupt the actions were.”
“NTA” – Dana07620
“NTA – cheating is never acceptable”
“I had placenta previa. No sex for 28 weeks. I was diagnosed at 18w, delivered at 38w plus 8w pp recovery. My husband had zero issues with it because it was for the safety of his family.” – Blueovals
“NTA but…”
“You may have inadvertently made things worse for your daughter-in-law.”
“If your son can’t stay with you, he may demand to be allowed to move back into his own home, which would be stressful and miserable for her.”
“You might reconsider this stance just for her sake, not his.” – Trilobyte141
“NTA. Thank you for standing up for your DIL and for not enabling your cheating son.”
“Your wife is ridiculous, I can’t believe she’s not enraged by his behavior (unless she doesn’t like DIL anyway). You’re doing the right thing.” – PsychoticNurse
“NTA”
“Your son isn’t just stupid. He’s cruel.”
“There’s also nothing that should be fixed as long as he dismisses her reasonable upset at his infidelity as *‘crazy pregnancy hormones’.”
“And to do so while his wife, the person he claims to love, is dealing with what is potentially life-threatening complication.”
“Hence, your son is cruel. And that by far is the worse offense than just stupidity.” – Kettlewise
“That I should just give them a chance to work things out”
“You kicking him out in no way impacts their chance to work things out or not. This is not a valid argument.”
“NTA. He can go stay with his affair partner, who I would be willing to bet, he is still seeing.” – facinationstreet
“Your son is not the first husband to have a wife who is going through pregnancy difficulties, and sadly he will not be the last.”
“A good husband would not choose to do what your wife’s son did, because:”
- “they love and honor their wife and the commitment”
- “the health and well-being of their wife and baby is of the utmost importance”
- “they wish to support their wife in any and every way they can by taking on extra duties at home”
- “they understand their pee-pee can survive without sex,”
- “OR, they (ahem) can take themselves in hand”
“Your wife’s son’s actions do not indicate he is actually ready for parenthood. Perhaps by you exposing your son to some consequences, he will grow up.”
“Sadly, your wife is attempting to interfere with that process.”
“Does your wife think your daughter-in-law should have accommodated him so that he wouldn’t have been *forced* to go elsewhere for his husbandly rights?”
“Does your wife realize that the stress her son has caused your daughter-in-law could have negative effects on both her health and the health of the baby?”
“NTA. Sir, you are so far from being the AH you are not even on the same continent. Your morals and ethics are enviable, I cannot imagine the pain this is causing you.”
“You have the sympathies of many for being the father of and married to such insensitive, delusional A Hs.”
“Your grandchild will be fortunate to have you as an example in his or her life.”
“Whether the child’s father can redeem himself and be worthy of being in this child and their mother’s life is highly debatable. I’m not too certain about granny either!” – shattered7done1
“NTA”
“My sister was married to a guy like him.”
“When she had her first complicated pregnancy and was on pelvic rest he demanded that she still perform her marital duties without her pelvis at the frequency he was accustomed.”
“And after the baby was born? She still was expected to “keep her duties” on his schedule while breastfeeding and providing total care to TWINS after a traumatic and difficult birth.”
“Dude actually forced her into a [sex act] while she was still in the hospital.”
“Yeah- he’s an ex.” – IWasBorn2DoGoBe
“NTA. If there were a competition for the best post on Reddit, I would nominate you.”
“Well done on still parenting your son. He doesn’t need to stay with you in order to try to fix his marriage.”
“By the way, your DIL might not be willing to take your son back. Does that mean he lives with you for the foreseeable future? What’s your wife’s plan?”
“Perhaps if your son was remorseful and apologized, this might be a different post.” – Confident_Wave_5048
“Your wife seems very comfortable with the idea of a spouse cheating on their partner… Anything YOU need to worry about there??”
“Some parents will excuse their children’s bad behaviors, even if it hurts others.”
“Wanna bet if this pregnancy is affected by the stress caused in this situation, she’s going to 100% blame your DIL and say your son is a victim.”
“Hope you call the DIL and let her know she has your full support.”
“NTA” – Rohini_rambles
A unanimous NTA.