While baby showers complete with a gender reveal do add an element of surprise to parties celebrating the arrival of a new family member and already loved one, they aren’t always a delight for everyone.
But typically, the ones who don’t find joy in the unveiling aren’t the parents-to-be, especially when the unhappiness lies in seeing either pink or blue.
So what happens when a mom-to-be is upset when the color exposed doesn’t match the one she wanted?
A mom-to-be on Reddit took to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to seek feedback after her pregnant cousin, who is upset she is having a boy, demanded that she reveal the gender of her unborn child even though they are waiting until the child’s birth to make the announcement to anyone.
Redditor ThrwayCousinsReveal asked:
“AITA for telling my husband’s cousin she shouldn’t have thrown a gender reveal party?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Both me (29/F[emale]) and my husband’s cousin Lena (fake name; 27/F[emale]) are pregnant.”
“I’m due in late May, while she’s due in August.”
“My baby will be my second child (I have a three-year-old son), and hers is her first.”
“Lena and I aren’t particularly close (and to be honest, I’m not fond of her), but since we’re both pregnant, we’ve been talking more often than usual.”
“It was during those conversations that she expressed wanting a baby girl.”
“She specifically said she couldn’t see herself raising a boy.”
“Last month, Lena hosted a gender reveal party and found out she’s having a son.”
“She was visibly disappointed after finding out the sex of her baby.”
“She threw on a fake smile during the actual reveal but didn’t keep it up for long.”
“For the rest of the party, Lena remained frustrated and was cold and short with everyone who tried to congratulate her.”
“I don’t know if Lena told anyone else that she wanted a girl, but her disappointment has gotten pretty obvious.”
“Since her party, she’s been less excited about her pregnancy.”
“We’ve been speaking less because she doesn’t even want to talk about her baby anymore.”
“Her sadness has earned her some sympathy and support from my in-laws.”
“My baby shower will take place this weekend.”
“I’m having a girl, but my husband and I decided to wait until birth to reveal that. “
“As such, none of my in-laws have been informed.”
“A couple of days ago, Lena called to ask about my baby’s gender.”
“She said that if I’m expecting a girl, she won’t come to the baby shower.”
“When I asked why, she said she’s still ‘mourning her daughter’ and doesn’t want to be reminded that she’s not having a girl.”
“She also said that since she’d shared her reveal with the family, it was only fair I told her.”
“I reminded her we weren’t telling anyone until birth but told her she was welcome to avoid the shower if she wasn’t comfortable attending.”
“Lena continued to pressure me to tell her, but I stood my ground.”
“After some back and forth, she told me I was being inconsiderate, as I knew how devastated she’d been.”
“She said she deserved to know if I was about to ‘rub my happiness in her face.'”
“That’s when I ran out of patience.”
“I told Lena that if having a boy was that awful to her, she shouldn’t have thrown herself a gender reveal in the first place.”
“I said that she could stop celebrating her pregnancy if she wanted to, but she can’t dictate what I do about mine.”
“Lena is furious.”
“She told my in-laws that I was kicking her out of my baby shower.”
“I told everyone the truth, but many are still on her side.”
“They’re saying that it’s rude of me to dismiss Lena’s pain, and that I should be more graceful towards her.”
“My husband is completely on my side, as is my brother-in-law.”
“As much as I don’t think I was wrong to stand my ground, I do recognize that her feelings towards her baby are none of my business.”
“I was both frustrated and exhausted at the time, and I know I would have reacted differently otherwise.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. And Lena is really a TA to her child.”
“The poor boy. Being hated by his mother because of his gender.”
“Yes, Lena could have been disappointed at her reveal – but by now, she should be over it.”
“She sounds childish.”
“And I’m worried about the little boy, if he will ever feel love or if he will always be the boy who ruined Lena’s chance to have a firstborn daughter.”
“Celebrate your baby shower the way you want and kick Lena out.”
“As you don’t need this kind of negativity around for your celebration.” – Trevena_Ice
“NTA. And I feel bad for Lena’s son.”
“Please give that child as much care and love as you can because I don’t think he’s going to get any from his mother.” – 1283throwaway
“If people are being selfish and unreasonable, they can’t be mad when people don’t cater to them.”
“And you can have sympathy for her while still not caving to her ridiculous demand that you tell her something you’re keeping private.”
“You are NTA.”
“Your only obligation in handling this is to not be mad at her that she’s skipping your shower.”
“That’s it.”
“It’s super immature how she’s trying to divide the family now.” – friendlily
“NTA”
“I always tell Moms with serious gender preference to not do a gender reveal party because pregnancy hormones are more fragile than grenades, and the last thing the baby needs is to see video or pictures of you sobbing angry over finding out that they were not what they thought they wanted 🤷♀️” – thatmidwesterngothic
“NTA”
“ITS RUDE TO DISMISS LENA´S PAIN? WTF.”
“You should never have children if PAIN is what you get by not getting your ‘wish-gender'” – Lepetitgateau90
“Nta”
“Lena knew when choosing to try for a baby that there was a 50% chance she’d have a boy.”
“If she was so determined that she didn’t want to be a mother to a boy, she should never have gotten pregnant in the first place.”
“There’s plenty of little girls out there looking for a loving adoptive family.”
“Personally, I think gender reveals are gross anyway.”
“Who cares about the gender of your child as long as they’re healthy?!?”
“The scan can be wrong anyway!” – ProperMagician7405
“NTA.”
“Gender reveals need to end in general, but I absolutely can’t stand when people have them when they are passionately against one sex.”
“You’re allowed to want a certain sex (even though kids will not turn out exactly how you think they will).”
“But your kid will probably hear about your reaction someday.”
“I’d be really sad to know my parent threw a hissy fit because of my genitals.”
“You can teach your kid to play a sport, wear matching outfits, paint nails, learn the family business, regardless of genitals.”
“Unless I’m living life very wrong?” – venus_4938
“NTA in any way, shape or form.”
“Anybody who would throw a gender reveal party and go into virtual mourning when it is not what she wants AND tries to tell you what to do at your party is having emotional issues that need some professional help.”
“If she doesn’t want to attend your shower, just tell her we’ll miss you and move on.”
“A pregnancy should be a joyful time and don’t let her steal your joy just because she’s having a fit for not getting what she wants.”
“And she’s being super disrespectful to the child she has been given by having this fit.” – ptazdba
“NTA.”
“You are not ‘dismissing Lena’s pain.'”
“You’re just not allowing her to make YOUR shower or pregnancy about her.”
“You did not kick her out of your shower, she lied because you won’t tell her the baby’s gender.”
“She‘s being ridiculous and selfish.”
“To act as if her having a boy is a huge loss that she needs sympathy for makes me so sad for her poor son.”
“If she keeps this up he will know he was never wanted by his mother.”
“She has many more issues to deal with than not knowing the gender of your baby.”
“Ignore those that are ‘on her side,’ they are just adding to a drama you didn’t create.”
“I would stop communicating with Lena for peace of mind.”
“Focus on your pregnancy and try not to deal with her, if you can.” – glimmerseeker
According to her fellow Redditors, this mom-to-be is not being selfish or inconsiderate at all.
Like many stated, this is her pregnancy and no one else’s, and she should have the freedom to navigate it as she wishes without being made to feel guilty.