In this day and age, everyone can use a good laugh every now and again.
But sometimes laughter carries different meanings.
There is regular laughter, nervous laughter, and even flirting laughter.
It can be challenging for some people to distinguish between them.
Redditor Bulky-Tap-3143 wanted to discuss his experience and get feedback, so he naturally joined the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for making another woman laugh in front of my G[irl]F[riend]?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Me (M[ale] 28) and my girlfriend (F[emale] 28) were out at a lounge on Saturday night with a small group of our friends.”
“A woman in our friend group brought two people along with her whom no one else had met before.”
“One of her friends, we’ll call her Ally (F 30), was sitting across from my girlfriend and me.”
“Throughout the night, anytime I made a joke, I noticed that Ally would laugh pretty loudly.”
“I didn’t think much of it, I just chalked it up to us having a similar sense of humor.”
“I didn’t think she was flirting, especially since it was clear that my girlfriend and I were together; we were holding hands, sharing drinks, and the origins of our relationship even came up early on, where I talked about when we first fell in love.”
“Over the course of the night, though, I saw that my girlfriend seemed pretty upset.”
“She was talkative at the beginning, then slowly became quiet and stopped speaking altogether.”
“I leaned in and asked if everything was okay, and she said, ‘Why? Because I’m not laughing at your jokes like her?'”
“It took me a second to understand what she meant, and when I tried to ask a follow-up question, she said, ‘I don’t want to hear it.'”
“I didn’t think Ally was being inappropriate, but my girlfriend never reacts like that, so I tried to make it a point for the rest of the night to direct my conversation towards anyone but Ally.”
“Still, anytime I made a joke, she would laugh.”
“At one point, when the group sort of broke out into two different conversations, Ally asked my girlfriend and me some questions.”
“Nothing weird, just general get-to-know-you stuff.”
“My girlfriend would respond with one-word answers, and I didn’t want things to be awkward, so I would respond.”
“Again, I really didn’t feel like she was being inappropriate.”
“After the night ended, my girlfriend and I were driving back to her place, and she was silent the whole time.”
“I asked if she wanted to talk about it, and she said that I should ‘Talk to Ally.'”
“I asked if she thought Ally was being inappropriate at all, and she said, ‘Both of you were.'”
“She told me that I was intentionally trying to make her laugh, and that she felt like she was being flirted with in front of.
“I responded by saying that I was just being myself and telling jokes to everyone, but my girlfriend wouldn’t hear it.”
“She said I should have stopped saying anything funny completely, and I shouldn’t have responded to Ally’s questions.”
“It’s been 4 days and she is still mad at me.”
“She says she didn’t like seeing someone flirt with me so blatantly in front of her, and that I was an a**hole for allowing it to happen and for flirting back.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the a**hole.
“I responded by saying that I was just being myself and telling jokes to everyone, but my girlfriend wouldn’t hear it. She said I should have stopped saying anything funny completely, and I shouldn’t have responded to Ally’s questions.”
“So, she wanted you to be rude to someone, and stop socialising because (checks notes) people were enjoying the conversation?”
“She has a jealousy issue. NTA.” ~ Sweeper1985
“NTA. Your girlfriend sounds jealous of this woman; it happens, but her reaction is so immature.”
“Giving you the silent treatment for 4 days?”
“Is she always this childish and manipulative?”
“She could also have realized just how much she overreacted and is now embarrassed, but to save herself further embarrassment, she’s waiting for you to break the silence and apologize so she won’t have to.”
“Either way, incredibly immature behavior from your girlfriend.” ~ MotherOfSweethearts
“I thought the same — it seems like OP’s girlfriend got jealous and now feels stuck, maybe because admitting it would make her feel foolish or in the wrong.”
“There could be some deeper personal insecurities at play, too.”
“I think OP should gently reach out and say something like, ‘I don’t believe someone laughing at my joke means they’re a better match for me. I chose you, and I always will. I understand you’re upset, but I really want us to talk this through.”
“Sometimes just opening the door can help her step out of the defensive mode.” ~ Gullible_Attempt_191
“NTA. Like you said, you weren’t singling Ally out, and you were conversing with the group.”
“Maybe Ally happened to just find you funny; maybe she was flirting and testing the waters.”
“Doesn’t really matter.”
“You can’t control her behavior, but you can control your response, and it doesn’t seem like you entertained Ally.”
“Does your gf have a history of being insecure or jealous?”
“She could be projecting.”
“It’s weird that she got so defensive and was giving you the silent treatment.”
“Not a healthy way to communicate.”
“She has to work on that.” ~ SnooHamsters5549
“NTA. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Your girlfriend is overreacting.” ~ lmchatterbox
“This! I had an extremely jealous and controlling ex, and it was positively smothering, and I was always on edge. “
“I’m a talker and love to chat with people.”
“Even once married, he constantly criticized me for talking to people, and often accused me of all sorts of things.”
“If I was in the mood after a night out, it was because of some guy I had spoken to.”
“It was absolutely ridiculous and a huge turn-off.”
“My now B[oy]F[riend] and I are both the same, we love to talk, and the difference is, we know who we’re going home with and don’t get bent out of shape if the other talks to someone of the opposite sex.”
“It’s such a relief to be with someone who isn’t constantly watching and making mountains out of mole hills.” ~ Valkyrie-at-Dawn
“NTA. Sounds like your girlfriend has jealousy and insecurity issues that will need to be addressed.”
“If you are unable to have a friendship or acquaintanceship with a woman other than her, it will make life difficult moving forward.”
“It’s probable that she is counting this incident as you cheating, and it will be filed away as such in her mind.” ~ space_ushi_boi
“I have a very insecure friend who acts like this.”
“I find it very sad that her self-esteem is so low.”
“I’ve also been in Ally’s position before, which is almost funny because these women don’t seem to understand that I in no way would ever find their man attractive (you know, because he’s a man).”
“The few times I’ve tried to explain this, these poor delusional women somehow think their man is the one that’s going to flip me, lmao, not gonna happen cause that’s not how it works.” ~ Vegetable-Common-212
“NTA. So what are you expected to do??”
“If your GF thinks the girl is flirting, you’re supposed to what??”
“Go sit in the corner and keep your mouth shut??”
“Honestly, if your gf felt that Ally was flirting, she should have put on her adult pants and said something.”
“If you were ‘allowing it to happen,’ then so was she!!” ~ SigSauerPower320
“Exactly. Its like everyone expects OP to shut up and sit quietly at the table for the entire night because OP’s GF perception of something is screwed up and unreasonable.”
“It’s a lose-lose situation for OP.”
“It’s the same BS response in families when one person bullies another for a period of time until the bullied person finally steps up and defends themselves, only for the family to put that person down and let the bully off the hook.
“And for the GF to act like this, not just in front of others, but to shut down for 4 days, says a lot about her ability to deal with conflict in relationships.”
“This was such a minor issue and the GF’s position so uncalled for that it makes me wonder how she would handle a true bad situation.” ~ TheDarkHelmet1985
“NTA – Sometimes we guys can be a bit oblivious to whether another girl is flirting or just being nice, for better or worse.”
“Women can pick up on the signs better, most of the time.”
“So she could be right, that Ally was flirting or trying to.”
“But you can’t control others, you can only control yourself.”
“Making yourself come across as rude or all of a sudden being vacant from the conversation wouldn’t have been a good look either.”
“I could understand if you all of a sudden had a laser focus on Ally and ignored your gf or something, but that doesn’t seem like the case.”
“Your GF should be glad that you didn’t take it as flirting, was showing your attention to her, and even tried to subtly adjust your behavior.”
“Could be a one-off issue, but I would be on the lookout for patterns like this.”
“You can be nice and friendly with other women without it being flirty.”
“If she’s going to get like this over every interaction you have with another woman, you’re going to be on the defensive constantly, and that gets old fast.”
“I’d let her stew, don’t even try to reach out anymore, and maybe even not respond immediately when she does reach out to you again.”
“Make sure she knows you won’t put up with that type of behavior and don’t apologize if you didn’t do anything wrong.” ~ Ill-Professor696
“NTA. The other girl does seem to be interested in you, but you handled it well.” ~ nigel_pow
“Now is your out.”
“Run away now.”
“Get out!” ~ casiepierce
This is a tough spot, OP.
But Reddit is with you.
It sounds like your GF might have some jealousy issues.
It would be helpful to discuss that further.
Good Luck.