There are some people in the world who have this need to have the spotlight on them one-hundred percent of the time.
And it does not matter to them what it takes to put them there, cringed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor BisexualMessy went through a terrible breakup right before her sister’s wedding and wanted to do something small to make herself feel better, which her sister refused.
But when it finally came time for her wedding, the Original Poster (OP) noticed that her sister had no problem whatsoever with the idea of commandeering her wedding to announce her pregnancy.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to do something special on my wedding day for my sister because she refused to do something for me at hers?”
The OP asked her sister at her wedding to take a picture with her bouquet.
“I (30 Female) am getting married this Sunday, and my sister Jessica (28 Female) got married two years ago.”
“A couple of weeks before her wedding, my ex left me for another woman, and it was devastating because I thought that he was going to propose soon.”
“At my sister’s wedding, I asked her if she could throw the bouquet to me to wish me luck, but she refused and said that she didn’t wanna damage it. I asked her to lend it to me for a couple of pics instead, and she refused that, too.”
“I said nothing more, and I didn’t bring it up again until now.”
But for the OP’s wedding, her sister had no problem taking over.
“Now, my sister is pregnant and wants to announce it at my wedding.”
“She asked, and I said absolutely not. When she asked why, I told her that 1. The wedding is for my fiancé and I, and 2. She didn’t do what I asked her to do at her wedding, so why would I do what she asks in mine?”
“She’s p**sed and says that I’m being ridiculous. Our mother says that I’m being childish.”
“Tomorrow is the wedding, and my sister is currently not talking to me, and neither is my mother. I cannot uninvite them, but I’m very concerned.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she didn’t have to host a pregnancy announcement.
“NTA. I don’t understand why this has become such a thing. I see so many Reddit posts about people taking over other people’s special days with proposals and pregnancy announcements.”
“Please, for the love of God, people, stop doing this! It’s OK to not be the center of attention all the time and to let people have their moments. We all need some sunshine.” – Staugbeachbunny
“I don’t get why people wanna hijack big days like announcing pregnancies at weddings, etc. Let you and your fiancé have your special day.”
“No doubt your sister will say it or announce it in some way. It’s best you get it out at the rehearsal dinner. That way, you won’t spend your wedding day waiting for the bomb to drop.” – No-BSing-Here
“NTA, but she’s going to announce it anyway.” – DazzlingPotion
“NTA. Don’t even make a big deal out of it. Bring it up to people like everyone knows, ‘Oh yeah, ever since the pregnancy, Jessica’s been GLOWING.’ The trick is to ONLY say positive things about your sister and her pregnancy, and do it in front of the gossipyest people possible.” – Penguins_in_new_york
“NTA for not wanting a pregnancy announcement at your wedding, but I guarantee she’s going to make one.” – SmoochNo
Others were concerned that the sister and mom would mess up the OP’s wedding.
“You can absolutely guarantee she or your mother will announce it at your wedding anyway.” – Quiet-Hamster6509
“Drop a note to the emcee or the DJ to mute the mic if sister or mom wants to start talking about the pregnancy.” – PoetPuzzleheaded5484
“Instead of announcing it yourself at the rehearsal dinner (which, admittedly, is deliciously aggressive), you could instead be deliciously passive-aggressive: stand up at your rehearsal dinner (or take the opportunity during some other speechifying moment) and say, ‘And now, my sister has some blessed news that she wants to share with the group,’ and hand her the mic.”
“You’ll look sweet for giving her ‘her moment,’ while simultaneously and deviously undermining her ability to take that moment herself later, at your wedding.” – QuickConverse730
“OP, it’s time to let the news slip while talking with your most gossipy family member. Prevention is better than a cure in this case.”
“Most importantly, this is a job for the Maid/Matron of honor and/or Bridesmaids! The Bride should have no direct involvement in letting the secret out, if nothing else than for plausible deniability.”
“Now, if a Bridesmaid were to call a gossipy aunty to double check something with their RSVP and another Bridesmaid just so happens to loudly say in the background of the call that they arranged for the sister’s alcohol to be replaced with apple juice because of the baby… and gossipy aunty happened to overhear it…”
“Of course, the bride had to tell her team about the pregnancy because they needed to be prepared to stop her sister from forcing the issue and trying to make an announcement the day of. I mean, why would the bride go to all of the trouble of speaking with the DJ/emcee and the bridal party to make these plans if she was just going to leak the news early anyway? That’d be crazy, lol!” – MindOverMuses
With the wedding the very next day, it didn’t take long for the OP to share an update.
“Hi everyone, just here to give you an update.”
“First of all, thank you so much for all the advice and support. I wanted to clarify a couple of things: I wanted a photo with the bouquet for myself; my ex wouldn’t have seen it anyway, as I go strictly no contact after breakups. Some people were also concerned that I expected her photographer to take pictures of me for free. That wasn’t the case. Her wedding was very low-cost, and I was actually the photographer, so I just meant I wanted to take a selfie.”
“Now for the update. I had a talk with my mother and sister beforehand and clearly told them that if either of them announced the pregnancy or made it obvious in any way, I would go no contact with them for good. They either didn’t believe me or didn’t care.”
“My wedding was also low-cost. On my side, the only family attending were my mom, stepdad, uncle, sister, and brother-in-law. My now-husband only had his mother there. The rest of the guests were five friends we both invited. There were no speeches or anything formal planned.”
“The ceremony went smoothly, and we moved to the reception area. As soon as we sat down, my sister said she had something to share. I looked at her and said, ‘No, you don’t.’ It was awkward, since most people there had no idea what was going on.”
“In my country, wedding gifts are usually given after the cake. Well, MY MOTHER handed my sister her gift and said, ‘The new mom also deserves some recognition.'”
“That was it for me. My sister started crying happy tears and even had the audacity to try to hug me. I stepped aside and told both of them that the celebration was over, for them.”
“They left, because my stepdad and brother-in-law finally realized I wasn’t joking.”
“I haven’t responded to any of their calls or messages. I’m done.”
Some were disgusted that the family just wanted to steal the OP’s moment.
“NTA. They asked, you said no, and that should have been the end of it, but they were h**l-bent on announcing it and stealing your day. They could have announced it the day before, the day after, but no, they went against your expressed wishes and just had to announce it during your wedding celebrations.”
“They think that the world is their stage and they deserve the spotlight to be on them at all times, and can’t imagine other people being actually real and having their own lives that exist outside of their scripted universe.”
“You are right to drop the rope and move on without them.” – ForwardPlenty
“They made it clear they saw her wedding as just another stage for their own moment. OP gave a clear boundary they chose to ignore it. Actions, meet consequences.”
“And while I’m here, it was a weird stage to choose. It sounds like it was literally people who already knew (OP, SIL, BIL, mom, stepdad, an uncle, and OP’s new husband) and people not directly connected to SIL (five of OP’s and her husband’s friends, husband’s mom, and OP’s officiant).”
“What’s even the point? Does BIL’s family not get to be part of the announcement? How are they going to explain to the theoretical new grandparents on the other side that OP’s new MIL was at the announcement, but they were not?”
“I don’t understand how any of them thought this was a viable idea in the first place, let alone after OP said no.” – DragonCelt25
“Hijacking OP’s moment was the whole point for sis and mom. All that was necessary was a phone call to people she probably talked to a dozen times before the wedding, and still, it was their choice to get positive karma from a setting with a roomful of people.”
“In hindsight, OP should have spoiled the announcement a week before the wedding. It wouldn’t have been more socially unacceptable than what her mother and sister did.” – RandoCollision
“This was never about making the announcement. It was about stealing the limelight. It’s so tacky to even ask to make someone else’s day about you. If you want to make a big announcement, organise your own day.” – The_Wee-Donkey
“The point was not to make the announcement. The point was to put OP in her place and remind her who the Golden Child is and always will be. To tell OP that she does not get any special day all to herself, that Sister’s special happy day will always come first and foremost. The entire point was to boundary-stomp and establish dominance.” – Opinion8Her
Others agreed and urged her to maintain no contact with them.
“Some people absolutely cannot stand not being the center of attention. They will do anything to steal attention in all cases. These people are toxic, and the sooner you cut them out of your life, the happier you will be.” – National_Cod9546
“Now breathe. Don’t respond. Don’t engage. NTA again.” – Fit-Bumblebee-6420
“Well, look at it this way… THEY made the decision to go no contact, so you don’t have to think about them again.” – Annual_Version_6250
“Good for you. Some lines you just don’t cross, and they stomped all over yours. I probably would’ve done the same thing.”
“Family or not, that level of disrespect is unacceptable. You gave them a clear warning, and they chose to ignore it. Now they have to live with the consequences.”
“NTA.” – era_hickle
“Ooo wow, the level of disrespect. I bet the sister is the golden child, and the mother is an entitled Karen. Do not let them back into your life, because every future milestone, yours and your children’s, will be stolen.”
“And do not let them manipulate you with the sister’s child, saying he/she is innocent, deserves an aunt, or any of that bulls**t. If you do, they’ll suck you back in, and you’ll be stuck in the same loop.”
“Good luck! I hope you’re having your honeymoon soon.” – vesoljka
The subReddit was appalled by how the OP had been treated by her own family, and they were glad that she was taking advantage of the new gift of peace.
Weddings and pregnancies are all happy occasions, but it’s okay for them to each have their own special moment in the spotlight, not have one step all over the toes of another.