At some point, parents need to teach their children to fend for themselves.
Many parents take their time teaching their children this valuable lesson, helping them out financially for a time until they are in a comfortable place.
Others think "the sooner the better," and waste no time in encouraging their children to get jobs and contribute to the household.
Regardless of when this is implemented, it's always a significant adjustment for their children.
The boyfriend of Redditor Remote_Emphasis7320's daughter was recently given this message from their parents.
Seemingly leaving this young man with nowhere to go.
The original poster (OP)'s daughter was quick to offer a suggestion, which was equally quickly refused by the OP.
Wondering if they were being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar 'Am I The A**Hole' (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH… he can’t live with us."
The OP explained why they found themselves at odds with their daughter owing to her boyfriend's future:
"AITHA for not letting my 19 year-old (yo) daughter’s 20 yo boyfriend (homeless) live with us?"
"Context: his dad kicked him out cause he didn’t want to help with contributing to the household."
"I think he wanted $500 a month."
"The boyfriend works full time and goes to school."
"Boyfriend has family in Florida and doesn’t want to leave due to going to school."
"He asked to stay with us until November I said no.'
"I like my own space and peace."
"I feel he and his father need to talk to get to an agreement or he needs to move back to Florida with his mom and family."
"He is not my responsibility. "
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was doing the right thing by refusing to let their daughter's boyfriend move into their house.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP's boyfriend was clearly looking for a free handout, and needed to start learning how to take care of himself, with others expressing how the OP's daughter wasn't taking into account how his moving in could negatively impact their relationship:
"Easiest solution is to ask him to pay a rent of at least $500 a month."
"Then he will be caught between the devil and the deep blue sea.'
"NTA."- TararaBoomDA
"You should never move in with a partner because you need a place to stay."
"If they aren't ready to live together, they shouldn't do it."
"What if he's an @ss to her and she doesn't want to dump him because he'll be homeless?'
"You're helping the two of them avoid a lot of trouble."
"NTA."- unlovelyladybartleby
"NTA."
"He won't pay his dad, so he won't pay you."
"I'm betting he won't pay for groceries or contribute to household chores either."
"He needs to solve his own problems and grow up."- thingonething
"NTA."
"He's 20yo, has a job, and he's got multiple options."
"You're right that he's not your responsibility."- Adpiava
"NTA."
"He is not your responsibility."
"Don't allow him to become it."- Enough-Reindeer1033
"NTA."
"$500 is a good deal, bro needs to grow up."- Rude-Truths-702
"NTA."
"He’s got money and family he can stay with."- fpuk69
"I won't contribute to his house, so let me come not contribute to your house."
"Hell of an argument."- Beautiful_Hippo_5574
"Sounds like he might want to reconsider that $500 offer."
"You are NTA."- mowgie
"I guess the question is more like, do you want your 19 year old daughter burdened with a marriage-like situation?"
"Keep in mind, regardless of intentions at this time, she could get locked down with this dude for a life time."- Objective_Purpose768
"NTA."
"This is a guy who got kicked out for being a freeloader, if he's not willing to contribute to his own household, he damn sure isn't going to contribute to yours."- Stealthy-J
"NTAH."
"He won't move out in November either."- One-Mouse-8995
"NTA."
"No, no and no!"- AvailableCut5240
"He’s not your responsibility, so NTA for telling him 'no'.”
"And is he expecting to stay with you for free if he’s refusing to pay his parents rent?"
"I hope there might be more to this story though…I can’t imagine making my 20 year old child pay me $500 a month for rent when they’re going to school and working full time."
"That’s crazy to me."
"I’d want them to save up their money and have a nice nest egg (assuming they’re contributing to chores around the house)."
"I would be so proud of my kid for working full time and going to school at that age."- FeelingNarwhal9161
"No."
"NTA."
"I'm the same and like my peace."
"Him and his father need to work it out."
"If he works full time he can get his own place."- No_Needleworker_4704
"NTA."
"He has FT job, so he can rent a room somewhere."
"No need to be homeless."- Mytweezer
"NTA."
"It's not always a good idea to take someone in."
"I did it many decades ago."
"My best friend's daughter moved in with me because they weren't getting along."
"She and her friends ate everything in my refrigerator and freezer right after I stocked both, made horrible, sticky messes in the kitchen and never cleaned it up."
"One of her friends loved an old belt I had."
"After coming home one evening, the belt was gone."
"Leather with double metal enforced loops and double prongs to fit in the loops, bought 15 years earlier, gone."
"Irreplaceable."
"Then I took in a friend of hers in who was homeless."
"He didn't make any effort to move out or find a job."
"He was sleeping on the living room couch and every night he turned up the thermostat to 85° Fahrenheit, because he was cold."
"He had plenty of blankets and a comforter."
"My gas bill went through the roof."
"Your daughter's boyfriend is working full-time but refuses to pay his own father rent."
"You're right, he needs to work something out with his dad."- Clean-Fisherman-4601
"NTA."
"But accept that your daughter may move with him to his new place."- Sparklingwine23
"NTA."
"Not your kid so not your problem."
"Also, there's probably more to it than just not contributing money as far as why he was kicked out."
"Don't take in someone else's problem."- TranslatorVast1072
"Chore chart and $1000 a month to stay with you."
"Bed he’d think his father is the better deal and to make it work."
"You should never be a better option than family who sounds like they’re being reasonable in the first place."
"NTA."- Western-Post5284
"NTA."
"I was basically this same kid."
"Both of us younger than these two."
"Within six months of moving in with my girlfriend's family she was pregnant and we were getting married."- msmartt
The OP later returned with an update, thanking everyone who took the time to comment, and sharing where things currently stood between them and their daughter:
"Thank y'all for validating what I was already feeling."
"I’m going to respond to the comments everyone has been supportive and I didn’t think I’d get this many responses so I appreciate yall!"
"More context My daughter has an attitude now but ok whatever."
"She is not required to pay bills in my home just save $200 a month for herself (she works part time)."
"I’ve never asked her for a dime as she’s basically still a teenager."
"I told her if she wants to be with him that’s fine but she’ll be homeless as well."
"She shut up which is fine if she chooses that I can’t stop her."
"This guy has been working and says he’s saving money?!"
"But can’t help his dad out that requires help on bills?!"
"You can’t stay with me for free! I don’t feel bad now knowing he won’t help me either and will just free load and tell me I’ll give you something when he gets paid."
"'Hell no, go talk to your father' is what I told him."
"Put your pride to the side or be outside!"
"This has nothing to do with me he needs his family to be involved and I’m not the mediator for the nonsense!"
"I’m Not the AH!"
Supporting yourself without a safety net can be scary.
But it's a phase of life that everyone must go through at some point.
Had the OP's daughter's boyfriend moved in with them, it would have likely only delayed his development.
Seeing as he seems to have steady employment and a degree in the works, he's also much better off than many people his age are.
Something he might come to discover as he starts to make his own way in life.
